Relationship Questions: How to keep your expectations in check.

Many Christian singles use the Internet to search for a soul mate. They can find themselves torn when their expectations aren’t met by the one they thought was going to be ‘The One’. Dr. Jim responds to some relationship questions about online dating, and things to avoid.

Dear Jim: How can a woman find out about a man before she gets in over her head with feelings for him?

Many emails are received from women sharing how they thought that they had found a wonderful Christian man only to find that he was conversing with several women and not being honest with them. This is such a hurtful experience when it happens and too often sets the woman back from trusting all men.

Although women are sometimes dishonest when using the Internet, I have found it to be mostly the men who conduct themselves in this way. It is a practice in which every one loses. Here are some thoughts for each gender:

What Men and Women Want in a Relationship, a previous blog post that can answer your relationship questions.

WOMEN:

• Keep your expectations in check! You should NEVER extend your trust to anyone you have not met in person. There is no substitute for the personal dynamics of this exchange.

• Afford yourself the opportunity to see them interact with your friends and family. This group can be a valuable resource to seeing things that perhaps your fantasy does not see.
• Trust is earned! I suggest that you wait until you see this man in ‘real’ settings to see how their character reveals itself.

MEN:

• What you plant will come back to you! If you interact with others in a dishonest manner, you will lose. You may win a play or two, but you will lose the game.

• Trust is the cornerstone of every healthy relationship. When you extend dishonesty to others, YOU are setting the stage that will come back and slap you in the face.

• The damage you are doing to your emotions will set you into a cycle that will be hard to break. Your emotions will lose perspective and the interaction with women becomes a game. When this occurs, women become property pieces and lose their value. Then you set out to satisfy your emotional need – which is only ONE of numerous needs that must be met in a healthy relationship.

• Christ came to elevate women as evidenced by how He treated them while He was on this earth. He even called the Church ‘His Bride’. They are God’s daughters and He wants them treated so.

Let me speak bluntly. Interacting with women is not a game. Men do not have the latitude to make up the rules to satisfy their own selfish needs. I encourage Christian men to think about what they are doing and value the opportunity to interact with wonderful Christian women over Christian dating services over the Internet.

Hopefuly this post has answered many of yours relationship questions. See ya next week!

Dr. Jim

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