Some Christian singles look at the singleness stage as a lonely period as they look hard to find someone with whom to start a meaningful relationship. Can the single person do something about it? What are the instructions found in the Bible? Should we be content whatever our circumstances?
Dear Jim: Single life is not fun for me. How does God expect me to be happy?
Many singles find themselves single after many years of wanting to be married or at least in a meaningful relationship. The more years that go by seem to generate more voices saying that something is wrong and yet, there seems to be nothing that you can do about it.
Every human goes through times when they find themselves not where they want to be. When the attention focuses on loneliness, rejection, or just not finding a mate, this condition can really began to take its toll on a single.
I do not want to minimize this feeling by saying that it is trivial – for it is not. If it is not properly addresses, it can lead to depression and finding oneself walking with a heavy heart.
Be content in whatever circumstance you are in
The Apostle Paul shares one of the most important instructions in the Bible in his letter to the Philippians 4:11-13: ‘Not that I speak from want: for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstance I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both in having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.’
How does a single move from where they are in despair/challenge to being content? Here are some thoughts and I invite you to entertain this to see how God is leading you for finding contentment in your life:
The power of the Holy Spirit
The first thing is to recognize where the negative voices in your life are coming from. It could be Satan in a direct manner, but more likely something from your past is still playing out in your life.
Do not forget the power that you have available to you in the Holy Spirit. Spend time in prayer, Bible Study and with good Christian friends seeking to find how you should be filling your life. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you.
Step by Step
Set aside time to think about all the things in life that you would like to do and/or accomplish that are positive and will bring fulfillment to you. Build a plan to being doing this – one by one, step by step as you move toward being all that you (and God) want to be.
Focus on what He has and is doing for you
Perspective is more often than not a ‘choice’. There is the old statement that the one who says the glass is half empty and the one who says it is half full are both right. You are blessed out of this world in being a child of the King! Focus on what He has and is doing for you.
Friendships
Begin to build Christian friendships with members of the same gender. Intimacy comes from deep friendships that become real, mutual treasures.
Help
If you find that you cannot turn around your despair in being single, seek the counsel of a Pastor or good Christian counselor to help guide you. Good counselors are another of God’s blessings. Many people are ‘called’ to serve as guide to others who need a little help in finding their way.
Fellowship
Seek to find a local church that has a very active Singles ministry. Remember that these will be like you – not perfect people but others just like you who are seeking to find the truth and community.
Engage
Set out to meet other singles in Christian dating sites such as ChristianCafe.com and be for them as you desire them to be for you.
Expectations
Remember in all things to put your expectations on God and not others.
My point is to get busy filling your life with good activities, education and the type of people you want to have around you. Be the kind of person that others want to be around and watch it rub off on others.
May God guide you in this adventure to days filled with joy and peace.
Jim
Hi,
I agree with this blog. We need to focus on what we do have in our lives that is good. Figure out what you enjoy and get busy doing it. Pour out the loneliness by pouring into something you find meaningful and worthwhile. God’s plan for us is meant for good not for evil to bring about an expected end. If we focus on what we do not have we miss out on what we do have. We do what we can and we trust God to lead us and direct us and heal us if needed.
Great insight Carol, thanks for your input!
Yes I believe spending time with God is key while single.
Then there are certainly many of us very Good men and women out there that have been very severely Punished by God with Singleness which i will Never understand at all. Go figure.