When Christian singles withdraw from others, they isolate themselves from the outside world. Dr. Jim shows us how this attitude can contribute to unhealthy living and how Satan can take advantage of lonely singles. You’ll find 4 great ways in how to go about to meet other singles and make friends.
Do you feel isolated?
The more I relate with single adults there is one fact that stands out more than others. Too many singles withdraw from others and become isolated. The reasons vary from past hurts, to feeling ‘different’ around others. Whatever the reason the movement to isolation is dangerous.
Isolation is the road to faulty perspectives. The cycle continues when one begins to ‘believe’ what he or she has been told or experienced. Inner forces take over and automatically place a boundary on expectations. These boundaries influence how we approach, or do not approach, connecting with others.
Most single adults do not intend to withdraw and become isolated. Perhaps it is just an easier path to follow. One thing that I am certain is that Satan loves to contribute to the isolation. He is a general of spiritual warfare and believes in the principle of ‘divide and conquer.’ A lonely, isolated person is much easier to persuade that all is lost and that they are of little value to others. These are lies in keeping with all his other lies.
Perhaps you are not aware that as you build ‘your new world’ of singleness that you may be contributing to an unhealthy isolation. There are certainly times when we do need to withdraw for a ‘season’ to process or listen to God. However, it is not good if one chooses to isolate. God designed us to connect with Him and with others.
How does one not become isolated? Here are some suggestions that I encourage you to consider:
- Plan your activities so that you have frequent contact and exchange with others in a healthy and positive environment
- You have heard me state over and over in my writings to get a buddy. While it would be good to develop friendships with the opposite gender, the buddy that is most important for you is one of your own gender. A buddy not only helps you occupy your time, but will give you healthy feedback.
- Find or develop a Christian singles group. I wish that more churches had vibrant single adults groups. If the church that you are attending does not have a singles group, or a good one, find another church in your area and attend their activities for single adults. You can still attend your church’s regular services but the interaction with other Christian singles is very important.
- If you find yourself with a huge propensity to be alone most of the time, I would encourage you to consider whether or not you are desiring to not face some issue buried within. Trained counsellors are very effective at guiding you to uncover these issues and help you process to a healthier place.
How God can help you?
Ask God to help you consider places where you can go to make new friends. The most intimate place we can be is when our spirit converses with God’s Spirit. God is planning for your good. I think it would serve you well to speak with Him about His plans.
You have a bright future. No matter what has happened or where you find yourself, pulling away from society is not the answer. The jewels of life are cherished friendships. Be such a friend and watch what develops
Dr. Jim
I agree with you that the majority of churches that are Christian do not have single adult groups for those over 35, it is expected that you should be married by then . It is especially true if the church building is located nearby a newly built community. On the opposite side are the elderly people who go to a church that is in a community that is over 100 yrs old and there is no singles for people over 35 years old.
I am headed towards isolation because I live with a mother who is overprotective and easily prone towards anxiety. She is also ill with Parkinson’s disease but in the early stages, but still insists on me spending most of my time at home. As as result, I have a very limited social life, doing little besides attending church on Sunday.One time she said right out that other people(besides family) generally cannot be trusted and when we heard on the news about a woman that was nearly drugged on a date, she made it a point to tell me how dangerous dating can be. I am getting very lonely these days.