Canadian TV show ‘Full Circle‘ invited Sam Moorcroft, co-founder of ChristianCafe.com, to talk about online dating and relationships for Christian singles. Full Circle airs weekdays in Ontario on CTS, at 9am and noon. You can watch the Online Dating episode right now online.

The couch talk about online dating and whether the stigma still exists. Also discussed is why single Christians aren’t meeting in church (or elsewhere in their day-to-day life).

Sam explains how online dating works, for those who have yet to try it out. He also mentions the over 1500 testimonials that ChristianCafe.com has received. Then an actual testimonial couple is linked in via Skype to talk about them meeting on the site.

» Watch the episode.

The GTA Christian singles party, put on by ChristianCafe.com and C3 Church Toronto, is happening tonight in Newmarket, Ontario. Even if you’re not from the Greater Toronto Area, but can make the trek, please join us!

Full details can be found at christiancafe.com/events.

There will be ice-breaker games happening, including a speed dating portion that you can optionally partake in. Did we mention that the first party like this led to a marriage? True.

Below is a preview to the event, with Sam Moorcroft, co-founder of ChristianCafe.com talking about what seems to be the lack of awareness among churches with regards to the issue of singleness in the church. He also previews tonight’s Christian singles event and what it’s like to match Christian singles on a daily basis, via ChristianCafe.com.

ChristianCafe.com is conducting a series of discussions with experts from various churches and ministries about Christian singles in America today. The second discussion is with Wendy Griffith, News Anchor & Senior Reporter for The Christian Broadcasting Network.

Wendy Griffith, News Anchor & Senior Reporter, The Christian Broadcasting Network

Sam Moorcroft, President of ChristianCafe.com, speaks with CBN’s Wendy Griffith regarding Christian singles and the Church.

Wendy Griffith co-anchors CBN Newswatch, a daily 30-minute newscast seen throughout the United States. She also co-anchors Christian World News, which is seen weekly around the world on the Trinity Broadcasting Network. She often anchors the news on The 700 Club. Wendy welcomes your feedback about this discussion at wendy.griffith@cbn.org.

» Wendy, welcome to ChristianCafe.com! Please tell us about some of your work with CBN Newswatch, Christian World news, and The 700 Club.

Thank you Sam for having me on the program. I am a news anchor at Christian Broadcasting Network. I’ve been here for 12 years. I am a senior reporter. I’ve been in broadcast journalism for many many years and CBN is a great place to work. The ultimate goal, of course, is to spread the Good News of Jesus Christ. It has been great to combine my love for television with my love for evangelism.

» Now, I understand you are presently single. But, you’re not alone (no pun intended!): 45% of all adults in America are single, too. What do you think the impact of this high rate of singleness is having on the church and Christian ministries today?

Well, I am looking at this from the “glass half-full” perspective and thinking that my chances of meeting someone are better if there are that many singles out there! I can only talk about my world, but I feel that one way it is affecting the church is that there just aren’t that many men there. The women are there, but where are the men? My single girlfriends and I are all there.

I’ve never been married and I’m in my 40’s. There are a lot of families present, but it seems like the men come only after they’re married. The few guys that are there usually aren’t the “manly” men that I know I’m looking for. I think there is a lack of “real” men in the church.

As a Christian, I don’t go to bars to meet men, so the church is the main place I look. I think that the biggest problem for single women is that the men are not in the church.

» I don’t want this to come across as bashing men, but do you think that part of the issue is that men are not asking women out on dates like they used to?

Oh, absolutely. I was talking to a young guy at the gym the other day, and he said that he never asks women out. He was a nice guy and I asked him why. He said, “Oh, I got hurt once.” You know, be a man! That’s part of life to take risks! I’m not going to ask a guy out. I don’t think it’s my place. I was taught that men like a challenge and they are the hunters and all that. I was shocked that this guy was just going to let all the women ask him out, because it was less risky. Something is wrong with that picture and I certainly don’t think that was the way God intended it. I think that men need to step up and take a chance!

» While we do have some women on ChristianCafe.com who complain that men don’t initiate contact, we also have a lot of men who do. When thinking of the census figure of over 100 million adults in American who are single, the reason can’t be because men just aren’t asking.

My theory is that we as a society are becoming more disconnected from each other, even though our technology is supposedly bringing us closer together. It reminds me of a cartoon I saw once, where a group of people are in a web cafe, each surfing the Net. One of them is saying to himself, “I’m so lonely.”

I know that when I moved to a big city in my early 30’s, I found it hard to connect with local Christian singles at various churches. It just wasn’t conducive to get to know a woman after the service at the back, while we had cookies and coffee. I could hardly ask for a woman’s phone number that I had just met, and my female friends would hardly give their number out to a perfect stranger (even at church!).

One of the reasons ChristianCafe.com was created was out of my own personal struggle with being single. And, if I was having problems connecting with the opposite sex, and I am outgoing generally, imagine everyone else!

» This leads me into my next question: the Internet is a highly connecting technology that is now impacting relationships; statistics say that up to 1 of 5 couples today met online. What are your thoughts about this online phenomenon?

My sister met her husband online. They have two children now. I know so many women here at CBN who have met their spouses online (possibly including ChristianCafe.com, I’m not sure!). I don’t think there is any stigma anymore.

I’ve tried it before, for only a few days at a time. I haven’t had much success, but to be fair, I haven’t put much time into it. I’m really busy. I also go through seasons where I am trusting God to bring the right man, then I go through other seasons where I think of James and “faith without works is dead”. I do know that God has someone for me. Right now, I believe that He wants my full attention. But, I do believe online dating is a great tool and has been for so many couples.

» In the years that we have been online, we’ve had over two million Christian singles join ChristianCafe.com, mostly from the US and Canada. When you sample them, a lot are here for similar reasons that I experienced. I am surprised that twelve years after my own struggle, people still have the same issues around meeting people.

Part of our reason for doing these interviews is as a form of education to ministries like CBN to let them know that singles are crying out for programming or teaching about their issues. Sure, some of us are called into singleness for life, but that is very few of us. I think that the “church” has gotten this backwards in modern times.

So, most churches have programs for lots of different things – but nothing for singles.

Or, they have singles outreaches for the 20-something crowd and early 30’s, but they don’t have anything for those over 40. But, even if they did, the men just aren’t there! But, thank God that there are some ways to connect online. The men are out there, as the statistics show. But, finding them, that’s the issue.

» We think that ministries and churches need to realise that they have all these singles (up to half their adult members). A lot of this is plain ignorance (if I can use that word in a factual way).

Part of the issue is simply creating awareness, not only to educate churches and ministries, but also to let Christian singles know. We are doing a TV show on us and Christian dating with Cornerstone Television Network (based out of Pittsburgh, PA) shortly. We said to them that half their audience is single and let’s do a show about us and see how their viewers like it.

I’d love to host that show! Can I be the host?:-) Would it be wrong to also put my phone number under my name? [joking!]

» Some men are intimidated by successful women such as yourself.

Well, they need to get over it, because we’re here and we’re waiting! “Man-up” and come and find us. There are a lot of gorgeous single women in the church, so get the men in here!

» From a business point of view, the online dating business is worth over a billion dollars annually in the US. The secular world is sitting up and taking notice there are all these single Christians out there. Unfortunately you then have some un-Godly companies targeting Christians, but not telling them who they are. Even Penthouse has a “Christian” dating site! When you buy a membership on their site, you are inadvertently funding pornography.

There are plenty of other sites people could go to. But, wait, you are saying that people don’t know that they are behind this?

» Yes! You’ve got other secular companies targeting Christians and they have other sites where they have homosexual matchings.

What is your reaction to secular online dating companies targeting Christian relationships?

Hmm. Well, I guess if they do it in a respectful way, it would be alright. I am not sure I can answer this question properly, as I am not an expert in this. I’ve made it clear on secular dating sites that I am a committed Christian and want only men who are committed Christians also. But, still, I got a lot of winks from guys who said they were spiritual, but not religious, or had no religion at all.

But, if you are going to a site like ChristianCafe.com, you are going to find a lot more committed Christians.

» Let me be clear – I don’t have a problem with secular companies dealing with Christians. As long as they are conducting themselves with integrity, it is okay. The concern we have is that if you are not being truthful about your background and it is, for example, pornography! We think it is important that Christians be aware of who they are doing business with.

We are the only major Christian dating site out there that is actually Christian-owned and-operated. So, we have a unique perspective on running a dating service. We understand the market.

» What are your perspectives on Christians using Christian (owned-and operated) dating websites?”

Well, I think it would be beneficial for single Christians to go to a site like ChristianCafe.com. Secular services can work, but your chances of meeting someone who is really serious about their faith are much greater on a Christian-only dating website. I would say that 95% of the men who contacted me on a secular service weren’t serious about their faith (even though I had made it clear what I was looking for).

» Half the battle is won if you are on ChristianCafe.com because they are all Christians (we have some seekers, but most are here because they desire a Christian like themselves).

How many singles do you have?

We’ve had over two million Christian singles come onto ChristianCafe.com
over the years and at any given time we have around 100,000 actively using it. Big sites will claim they have, say, 20 million members, but in reality, 19.5 million haven’t been with them in years.

» Ultimately, if God has someone for you online, you only need one good man, right? Whether you have 500 potentials or 5,000, it doesn’t really matter. We only show you 1000 matches on any search anyway. If these 1000 aren’t good enough, then perhaps you aren’t as serious as you need to be.

I think you have to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit. How is He leading you? The Bible is clear that is not good for us to be alone. It is definitely pro-marriage. But, does He want me to be looking right now? Singleness and marriage are both gifts. So, we have to learn to enjoy seasons of singleness. I don’t think God is trying to keep me from a relationship. He loves me so much and for all I know He may be keeping me from a lot of pain. The wrong marriage – is there anything worse than that?

My mother is always saying to me, “You need to get out there!” Look, I’m on international television! How much more out there can I get? I’m always travelling on a plane somewhere, I’m at functions, I’m at church, I’m at the gym.

At the end of the day, I trust God. I know that He has the best for me. His Word is true and He will give me the desires of my heart. My prayer lately has been that my desires would line up with His desires for me.

» People ask me what I recommend. I respond that as unromantic as it sounds, in many ways, dating is like looking for a job. You need to be available. You don’t sit at home with this great resume and work experience waiting for employers to call you.

I say to people, especially successful people like yourself, you didn’t get where you are today without taking the initiative, right? I don’t think Pat Robertson knocked on your door and hired you.

The Lord told me to send a tape to CBN in 1998. I thought maybe it was a fluke (and not the Lord), but I sent it anyway and sure enough, they needed somebody, and three months later I got hired.

» So, then, the lesson is that while God guides us, we have to take the initiative and follow His directions. It is a lot easier to steer a ship when it is moving than when it is in port. The same analogy applies in dating. You have to make yourself available and put yourself out there.

Sure, you’ll have failed dating experiences, but the important thing is to learn from these. In my case, the Lord had someone right under my nose – she sat in the desk next to me, but my eyes weren’t opened until people started asking why I wasn’t paying attention.

Wow! God sent her to be right beside you!

» It wasn’t like I wasn’t dating different women; I was. So, I was taking the initiative and making myself available. But, it took the Lord having people asking me why I wasn’t dating the girl beside me for me to wake up!

I got rejected a lot when I was single. But, my attitude is summed up in what I say to members on ChristianCafe.com: what if the 101st person you meet is your soul mate? Would the first 100 rejections be worth it? Of course they would be! This isn’t to say it wouldn’t hurt each time, but sometime you have to go through painful experiences to get to the right one.

Of the 100 million + adult singles in America today, 99.9% of them were meant to be married, in a perfect world. Our mission as a Christian dating service is to spread the message of hope for singles. Come join ChristianCafe.com and see if your soul mate is here!

I didn’t get married until I was 37, so if it worked for me, it can work for anyone!

» How can large online communities of Christian singles like ChristianCafe.com support pro-family organizations like CBN? If Christian singles aren’t connecting, getting married, and having kids, how will that affect the next generation of givers to ministries like CBN?

God did say to be fruitful and multiply. I keep telling my mother that I am trying, but I need a man! This is a big issue. We need more believers in this world.

» 50% of charities in the US are in danger of going under, due to the current economic situation.

Yes, but God does work outside the natural economy. We have been blessed here so far at CBN in that we haven’t suffered any lay-offs. I think we need to not be fearful and trust God, Who will take care of all our needs.

Sure, God does take care of us, but we need to be planning for the future. When I look 20 years out, I see a huge problem from singles not connecting today.

» Well, thank you, Wendy, so much for your time!

God bless you Sam! Thanks so much for what you do! Let’s think about a story with CBN on singles for 2011!

Find more about The Christian Broadcasting Network at cbn.com.

ChristianCafe.com is conducting a series of discussions with experts from various churches and ministries about Christian singles in America today. The first discussion is with Lisa Anderson, Director of Young Adults for Focus on the Family.

Lisa Anderson, Director of Young Adults, Focus on the Family

Sam Moorcroft, President of ChristianCafe.com, speaks with Focus on the Family’s Lisa Anderson regarding Christian singles and the Church.

Lisa Anderson hosts The Boundless Show, Focus on the Family’s popular podcast for young adults. She leads the Boundless team in discussions on relevant issues, interviews authors, artists and other newsmakers, facilitates Q&A, and shares experiences from her personal life.

» What are the contributing factors to such a high rate of singles today?

With the exception of a few who are called to celibate service, we are meant for marriage. The biggest factor is that we don’t have a Biblical understanding of marriage or dating. You would assume that Christians would know this. The Bible begins with marriage and ends with marriage. Unfortunately, our culture has picked up the practices of the world.

There are cultural factors that play into this high rate of singles. Those who grew up in the 80’s, 90’s and now the 2000’s are the product of the largest divorce generation in history.

Feminism has played into it. Those who were born after the early 70’s have lived in a new generation where life has been devalued. Fatherlessness is a huge issue. The lack of fathers in the home has resulted in a generation of men who are lost when it comes to what it means to be a man, a husband, and a father themselves. Men don’t have good role models.

The church hasn’t taken up the standard and said that if marriage is meant for most people that it (the church) should do something. There is a dearth of mentors in the Christian community, which is leaving young adults to flounder on their own. This isn’t good for choices of spouse, but also in careers, world outlook, etc.

» Given that reality, where and how are Christian singles connecting? Once they get to their post-college years, how do they do connect?

The largest pool is still within the church. I believe that it is the role of the church to assist in making good matches. A lot of Christian singles still see church as the place where they can meet someone. The problem is that this is not done in a holistic manner or a spirit of mentorship and accountability. So, you have the whole dynamic of the “meat market”. No one likes it, but many still participate in it.

I think the online component is huge and has grown to the point where people choose to go online to find a mate. A lot of singles also participate in volunteer ministry activities, such as your local church or a soup kitchen or mission work, and by doing what they are passionate about, perhaps they can meet someone with the same passion.

Of course, this all only takes you so far, as you have to relate to the people you may meet and then be intentional in seeing if there is any potential for a marriage partner.

» One in six people who were married in the US in 2007 met online. What are your thoughts about this and do you think it is here to stay as a way for singles to meet each other?

I think it is definitely a viable option. I myself have done it. It is a great opportunity to “get your numbers up”, i.e., it is a great way to meet people. You know those you meet on a dating site are also there to meet singles, so it removes the awkwardness of what someone’s intentions are, eliminates the players, etc. Many of my friends have met their spouses online, which is fantastic.

The medium’s purpose is to meet people and eventually you have to take that relationship into real time and real space. No one wants an indefinite pen-pal situation.

» Back when I was single, I met women both locally and from all over the US using the online dating sites that were popping up in the late 90’s. As it turned out, I met a woman online who introduced me to another woman, who came to work for me on our new dating site, ChristianCafe.com. To make a long story short, we’ve been married now for almost 7 years, with 4 kids.

Concerning being equally yoked, do you think today’s Christian singles are aware just how important it is to have a believer for a spouse?

I think most self-described evangelicals understand that. Where we run into trouble happens when singles start to compromise on their values.

They can rush into an online relationship and give way too much emotionally too early on. Certain things become negotiable that shouldn’t be negotiable. This is why at Boundless, we are so big on mentorship and accountability.

These singles need to make sure that on their Biblical fundamentals, they both agree. It is not just paying lip-service to Christianity. While most understand this, far too many Christians will let others define their faith, rather than referring to what is Scripturally true.

» Are you referring to believers who are “fooling around” or “he says he is a Christian, but doesn’t really go to church”?

I would say it can be “both-and”. What we hear a lot on Boundless are women who are on fire for the Lord, and are plugged into Bible studies, etc. They also want to be married. This leads to them compromising and “hitching their wagon” to a guy who may come from a Christian home, but hasn’t done that hard faith work himself for his own life. Is he on a trajectory that is moving towards maturity in his Christian walk?

So, it may not be a case of dating a non-believer; rather, dating a non-committed Christian.

» When I was single, I went to a group called “CAPS” (“Careers and Professionals”). There were around 100 singles there and I remember seeing 50 potential couples. However, hardly any dated each other. It was like they had this Hollywood standard of the perfect mate: guys with the ideal physical look for women and girls a romantic ideal for men. A female friend said that when men get to 30, they get comfortable. They aren’t in a rush like a lot of women in their 30’s, who want to settle down and start a family. This friend is now in her 40’s and still single. She dated a lot of non-believers, who were great people, but the question was would she rather be in a marriage, but still lonely? And, what about these men who never settled down?

That’s a huge theological discussion, actually, and it comes down to trust. Is a woman who is faithful going to trust that, no matter what happens, she is going to follow God whether she is single or God has someone for her? Is she going to remain true to her Christian beliefs, even if that means being single her whole life?

» Across Canada and the US, you have this huge group of people moving through life in perpetual singleness. Is this a function of living in a society that has lost its way? Or is this because the Lord isn’t answering their prayers to be matched? It seems very sad.

I think it comes back to that Biblical understanding of marriage. We at Boundless are uncompromising on there being very distinct roles for men and women when it comes to marriage. Men are called to pursue marriage. Proverbs 18:22 says “he who finds a wife finds what is good and finds favor with the Lord”, not “he who sits at home in his parents’ basement playing Xbox all day”.

So, men should be out looking for a marriage partner. That takes risk. As Carolyn McCulley says, “Men trust God by risking, whereas women trust God by waiting.” These are both very difficult things to do. Nowhere in Scripture does it say that God is going to pick your mate for you and you don’t have to do anything. If you need a job, you don’t sit in your house and hope that someone knocks on the door and offers you one. You go out and send applications and do interviews.

» When it comes to online dating on ChristianCafe.com, the people here are taking the initiative. They are here because they are interested in connecting with someone special. What is sad for us is that the secular business world knows about all these single Christians and are actively targeting them.

Many of these sites seem to have hidden agendas as they are also into promoting ungodly activities such as pornography and homosexuality. Penthouse has a Christian dating site! Other companies promote things like “one-night stands”.

If you are subscribing to these websites, you are helping to support these ungodly activities (however unwittingly). Our take is that since Christian singles are online anyway, shouldn’t Christians be matching Christians, rather than the world doing it? That’s why we are so proud of being Christian-owned-and-operated.

How do you at Focus on the Family reach Christian singles, when so many are being targeted by the world?

Christians are definitely looking for community. Boundless and ChristianCafe.com are good examples of that online. We need to change Christians’ worldview of marriage. We don’t want people to be single forever. We tell singles at Boundless that we want to help them.

The church needs to rally around singles and tell them that it is the church’s responsibility to help them get to marriage, and not to leave them to fend for themselves.

» In an age of recession, how do ministries like yours survive? I know from running a small business that it costs a fortune to operate. I think a lot of Christians don’t realize just how expensive it is (whether for-profit or non-). How can Christian companies support ministries like yours (with more than just prayer)?

Focus on the Family has been around for more than 30 years. Many consider us the premier Christian organization for family advice and help.

Our challenge is now to reach the new generation and get them involved. Other than outright giving, you can refer us, or partner with us, etc.

We are doing other things such as our orphan work in Colorado and elsewhere. We are helping place 100’s of orphans locally. These are kids languishing in state care and are not babies, which are easier to place. We’ve had over 1,000 families step forward and say they are willing to adopt an orphan.

» Thank you very much for your time.

Find more about Focus on the Family’s singles ministry Boundless at boundless.org

ChristianCafe.com co-founder and CEO, Sam Moorcroft, recently was interviewed by Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira. They talk about online dating trends, tips for online dating, and how ChristianCafe.com came about. The interview is embedded below. Enjoy!