The bantering on Britain’s Got Talent has begun already. In a soon-to-be-aired episode, ‘new’ judge David ­Walliams took a shot at veteran judge Simon Cowell.

When a performing couple stated they met on ChristianCafe.com, Walliams stated “There you go Simon, you could find a wife on there“. [as reported by the Daily Record and Mirror]. My hunch is that the singles on ChristianCafe.com aren’t his type (and vice versa), but you never know…

Here it is again. Our annual list of the top Christian songs of the year. In the past we provided the top Christian songs of 2010, and 2009 – and this year we’re ready to do it again with the Top Christian Songs of 2011. The ranking is provided by Billboard magazine (ranked by radio airplay audience impressions). Enjoy!

10 » Move – MercyMe

9 » I Will Follow – Chris Tomlin

8 » Blessings – Laura Story

7 » Beautiful – MercyMe

2 » Glorious Day (Living He Love…) – Casting Crowns

1 » You Are More – Tenth Avenue North

There you have it! Your top 10 Christian songs of 2011. Casting Crowns and MercyMe are back again in this listing (same as last year). What do you think? What Christian song would you add to this list? Were any of these a personal favorite for you? Did any of them speak to you in your life? Let us know in the comments below! If you enjoyed this listing, please ‘like’ it to share it with your friends.

Dr. Jim provides advice surrounding the decision to relocate to be closer to someone you met online.

» Who should be the one to move for a relationship?

If one is using the Internet to connect with others, especially via an online dating service, they are very likely to confront the question of making a move. The very fact that the Internet is being used increases the likelihood that you will meet someone that does not live near you. I suggest that this strong possibility should be a question that you consider BEFORE you sign up for an online dating service.

Should the man be the one to move – or the woman? Should the one with children move or not move? Is it a test of the commitment to the relationship to see if the other person will move?

All of these questions pose serious considerations. Relocation is a major event in anyone’s life and should not be treated lightly. I have received too many emails from those who did not fully consider all that is involved in moving to another town or even another country. When they ‘rushed’ to make the move, some found themselves quickly abandoned and alone in a strange place. The situation was compounded when they had to pick up and move back to their former community and relive the disappointment and embarrassment over and over as they shared the story with each friend and family.

Here are some thoughts that I would like for you to think about as you give this consideration:

Don’t make decision in the early stages of the relationship

Any consideration for relocation on the part of anyone should not be made during the early stages of a relationship. The first few months of any relationship are filled with fantasy and possibility and it is challenging to get an accurate picture of another person during this stage. I suggest that you relax and enjoy getting to know one another as well as each other’s friends and family.

Consult with a third party

When you are ready to give consideration to moving the relationship into a deeper level of commitment, I strongly suggest that you obtain an objective third part evaluation of your relationship. A Christian counsellor or a pastor trained in counselling can do this.

Don’t surprise your children

IF you have children, do not surprise them with the idea of relocating. This can be very frightening to a child at any age. I suggest that when you are ‘thinking’ about it, that you share this with the child in a way appropriate to their age. Tell them that you are giving it some thought and have not arrived at any decision, but want them to be praying about it with you.

Consider the costs

Consider the costs! Relocation is a very expensive process in most cases. Some of the costs involved are real estate fees, storage fees, tax consequences (see a CPA or attorney), loss of older furniture and appliances that cannot take the move, disconnect and connection fees, restocking of food and consumables, long distance phone bills. These are just a few of the obvious ones. The reality of either losing or distancing yourself from family and long-standing friendships for you and any children involved should be considered.

Make it a mutual decision

The decision to make a move should absolutely be one that is developed MUTUALLY and arrived at together – without any pressure. Such comments as ‘if you really loved me you would move’ are unfair and selfish. Real love understands and works through this process; giving and taking to arrive at a decision that is wise and one that each can fully embrace.

Visit ‘the other world’

A final step should be that each of you should visit each other’s ‘world’ and see what is really involved on an emotional and financial basis to make such a move. Walk in each other’s shoes and try to understand all that is involved for not only yourself, but the other person too.

The man should likely make the move

I believe that the man should make the move in most cases, especially if children are involved with their Mother. There can be good reasons to move the other way, but in most cases I believe that the man making the move is the sensitive and responsible thing to do. One of the more compelling reasons to not do so is a long-standing career that would suffer financially if he were the one to make the move.

I believe that if a couple takes the time to process this question in a mature and considerate way, they will greatly increase their chances of having a move that meets each other’s expectations. A move can be a wonderful occasion for adults as well as children. I suspect that there will always be some grieving in making a move, but if the one grieving had a chance to fully develop the foundation for making such a move, they will quickly move through the grieving process.

Ready for a move?

Dr. Jim

ChristianCafe.com member DJ Jonny Blaze let us know about his gospel video. Check it out below. You can also download the song free!

It’s been about a month now since the alliance between Focus on the Family (with Christian singles brand Boundless) and ChristianCafe.com was announced.

What are people saying about this?

“Congratulations on your recent association with Focus on the Family.”
– Wake Forest, North Carolina

“Great news!!! I totally support this!”
– Ridgeville, South Carolina

“Well that sounds good. I know Focus on the family as one of the helpful tools to building meaningful relationships.”
– Stoke, England

“Okay, now THAT gives me a serious reason to stay on board at CC. Thanks a million for this great opportunity!”
– Colorado Springs, Colorado

“Awesome!”
-Panama City, Florida

Thanks for your comments and encouragement!… and feel free to comment below.

Pastor Jim provides advice for singles regarding how to conduct yourself when conversing with a potential match, whether writing via an online dating service, or when meeting in person.

Someone has contacted you or you have received a response from someone you met on a dating service. Or perhaps you are about to meet someone face-to-face that you met on-line. You are VERY excited and your heart is racing. So many things flood your mind and you begin to share.

What happens next is often a big mistake by many people. The temptation is to fill the space with all the personal things that come to mind. It is easy to talk about yourself and in fact, very challenging to control the temptation. However, it is to your advantage to NOT spew everything that comes to mind. It is even more important to not control the conversation.

The 80-20 Rule of Date Conversation

This is where the 80-20 rule comes into play. Sales people are taught that they should ‘speak’ about 20% of the time and ‘listen’ 80% of the time. I want to ask you to try something for yourself. The next time you meet someone, for the first time or an old friend, I want you to set out to let him or her do the talking. Ask open-ended questions and then go quiet and see what they say. The object of the exercise is to see if they come away from the conversation thinking it was one of the best conversations that they have ever had? It is amazing and I urge you to try it.

“I cannot think of anyone who enjoys someone else dominating the conversation.”

Let me be more specific as it relates to dating. There is a time to share about yourself and answer questions. However, I cannot think of anyone who enjoys someone else dominating the conversation. People who are self-centered will dominate the conversation or pull the focus on to them. An intelligent person will quickly discern that you are not really interested in complementing someone else’s needs but are out to satisfy your own needs. It is a big red flag.

Great listening skills is an essential ingredient to a successful relationship.

Dr. Jim

Further to the recent announcement of Focus on the Family and ChristianCafe.com joining forces to connect more Christian singles, Sam Moorcroft made the trek down to Colorado Springs, CO and met with the staff of Focus on the Family and its singles ministry Boundless. After lunch, the group posed for a photo at Focus on the Family headquarters.

From left to right:

Martha Krienke – Editor/Producer, Boundless
Lisa Anderson – Director of Young Adults, Focus on the Family (and host of The Boundless Show)
Sam Moorcroft – President and Co-Founder, ChristianCafe.com
Darci Simpson – Manager, Alliance Development – Strategic Alliance Services, Focus on the Family
Edie Nielsen – Senior Director, Strategic Alliance Services, Focus on the Family

In the press release announcing the strategic alliance between Focus on the Family and ChristianCafe.com, Sam Moorcroft of ChristianCafe.com had this to say:

“Working with Boundless as its exclusive Christian dating partner is a great honor and privilege. This relationship will benefit Christian singles and enhance our already vibrant online singles community by providing them with proven relationship advice.”

Read more details on the Focus / ChristianCafe.com alliance.

It’s official! ChristianCafe.com is now the exclusive Christian dating partner of Boundless, the singles outreach brand for Focus on the Family. ChristianCafe.com will host Boundless’ superb content in a new ‘Dating 101′ section of the web site while Boundless will promote ChristianCafe.com to its followers.

From the press release:

“ChristianCafe.com, a Christian-owned online dating service, is now the exclusive online dating site working with Boundless, Focus’ outreach to young adults. Boundless.org, known for its articles and weekly podcast on issues ranging from biblical dating and relationships to worldview, culture and faith, will provide content for singles on ChristianCafe.com, including articles on navigating the path to marriage with purpose and a solid foundation.”

ChristianCafe.com members can look forward to even more Christian singles to connect with, while being guided by some of the great writings of the Boundless team.

Canadian TV show ‘Full Circle‘ invited Sam Moorcroft, co-founder of ChristianCafe.com, to talk about online dating and relationships for Christian singles. Full Circle airs weekdays in Ontario on CTS, at 9am and noon. You can watch the Online Dating episode right now online.

The couch talk about online dating and whether the stigma still exists. Also discussed is why single Christians aren’t meeting in church (or elsewhere in their day-to-day life).

Sam explains how online dating works, for those who have yet to try it out. He also mentions the over 1500 testimonials that ChristianCafe.com has received. Then an actual testimonial couple is linked in via Skype to talk about them meeting on the site.

» Watch the episode.

So, you’re single and wondering about online dating. Or maybe you’re already trying it out and wanting to get more out of it. Possibly you’ve tried online dating before and are debating giving it another go.

Focus on the Family’s Boundless create informative and entertaining podcasts that deal with various topics relevant to Christian singles in their 20s and 30s. One of these, of course, is relationships – which includes online dating.

Last weeks podcast, ‘Behind the Scenes of Online Dating‘ featured a roundtable crew familiar with online dating from different perspectives. For some, they have dabbled in it on and off; for others it ‘worked’ (one dating, one married); one even co-founded a Christian dating service back in 1999 (that would be our very own Sam Moorcroft). While most provided stories and opinions from a relationship-seeker point of view, Sam provided insight and advice from a dating site operator vantage point. The discussion flows from one aspect of online dating and relationships to another.

Why did these folks try online dating? Reasons included living in a small town with few prospects; just moved to a new city and didn’t know a lot of people; never having a Christian date despite going to the ‘biggest church in town;’ all the girlfriends signed up together to check it out.

What expectations were there before trying online dating? Some expected to be dating right away! Turns out that’s not what materialized. It took time.

How does one stand out among the rest? A detailed profile was the consensus among the panel (“I like to read” versus “The last novel I read was ____ and I loved it because ___”). When reading profiles, those who put a lot of time and thought into their profile answers were considered serious about finding a match. Profiles lacking in detail were overlooked by the panelists.

Sam mentioned that, while being an unromantic way to look at it, finding a match is similar to a job interview and the job search as a whole. You need to differentiate yourself in your profile as you’re essentially competing against others on the site. Further with the job search analogy, singles have to take the initiative! Get out there and get online instead of waiting (just as you would if you were unemployed — sending out resumes and networking). Sam encouraged women to not be wallflowers and be fine with taking the initiative and starting conversations with men. The rejection rate is high, but such is the case with many things: sales, sports, etc…

When searching an online dating site do you limit yourself geographically? Sam suggests not to — trust God instead to guide you in your search.

The panel also talks briefly about ‘Red Flags‘ when using online dating sites.

Finally, if you’re not having too much luck with dating, do some self-examination. Are you dating the wrong kind of people? The roundtable discuss this further.

We recommend you give the podcast a listen – you won’t be disappointed!