While dealing with people around us, we should be aware of the impact of negative words on someone’s life. Criticism like that doesn’t help others grow. Dr. Jim shows why Christian singles shouldn’t bad-mouth a previous relationship/partner. It will likely turn off a future prospect.
Dear Jim: Voices that block love – Part II
In part one: Voices that block love – Part I, I described how the words of others can negatively block us from the love and joy we desire in our lives. In this article I would like to share how the words we express can block us from experiencing the best life has to offer.
I was new in town and visiting a singles group at a local church. It was a large group and there was lots of activity. I sat down toward the back of the room so that I could have a good view of the room – you know – the single thing to do. (This was back in my single days!) There was an attractive woman sitting in the row in front of me conversing with several other women. The words of criticism that came from her mouth quickly turned me off. I do not think that she had any clue that her words were serving to reject others.
The most prevalent thing that I have noticed in single groups is the critical, negative spirit that flows through the words of so many single adults. Time after time I have seen this behavior. It is also very common to find a critical person later trying to put the ‘charm’ on some single of the opposite gender. It is like there are buttons that are turned on and off. They have little clue why they are not being successful in attracting others.
Allow me to express some thoughts for your consideration as you relate to others:
1. If you cannot speak words without being critical of your former spouse/relationship, this is a big sign that you’re not ready for a new relationship. I am not saying that you need to condone the bad behavior of someone else, but you should not be so consumed by them that it dictates your attitude and words.
2. If the place where you attend singles or church is not being run to your liking, then either find a positive way to contribute toward making it the place you want it to be, or get out of there!
3. I invite you to understand that God counts every word we speak. Matthew 12: 36-37 says: ‘But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.”
4. Ask a good friend to tell you what kind of attitude you most often convey. Do they see any area where you are overly critical? This could be a sign of blockage in your life and an area that you need to process so that your spirit can ‘flow’ in joy and peace again.
5. God used words to ‘create’. Every time God was creating something in Genesis 1, ‘He spoke’. We are in His image and, while our creative power does not match His, our Spirit combined with His Spirit in us has the power to flow creative words into the lives of others.
What would you like to hear from others is what you should say to others.
I see words as little packets of information. These packets contain feelings, attitudes, and spirits in the chosen words and in the way that they are expressed. What you send out in these communications will return to you, most often in the same attitude or spirit in which they were sent. Think of your words as boomerangs. Would you want the word or thought you are about to express to return to you in that way?
“Life is filled with joys and challenges. There are already too many challenges without you and I making contributions to increase the challenges.”
If you find that you are not able to turn around your negative spirit, attitude, etc. in a short time, then please seek the guidance of a counsellor. God and I do not want you to be trapped any longer where the rules of the game are of Satan’s origination.
Dr. Jim
Author of “Guide to Successful Online Christian Dating”
Psalm 19:14 ‘May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.’
James 3: 5-6 ‘Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.’
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