Interpersonal skills are very important when we are dealing with people we’re trying to impress, such a as prospective match. Even just listening to someone can impact how that person sees and relates to us. It’s also important to have a buddy support group to help with your people skills.
Do you have a love statement? Part III
In previous articles (Do you have a love statement? – Part I and Non-verbal communication – Part II), we have discussed how we make statements to others through both verbal and non-verbal communication. It was also pointed out that 65% of our communication is non-verbal, the part that has the biggest impact.
In this non-verbal area, I have shared how our behavior (based upon attitudes) can make a big difference on the statement we make to others. In this article, I would like to share some thoughts about how interpersonal skills can make a BIG difference in relating to others.
What can a single adult gathering teach us?
Are you a people watcher? I am and it is fascinating. There is no place where this is more so than in a single adult gathering at a church or party. I invite you to take a step back the next time you are at such a gathering and pay attention to the people skills being used.
Allow me to state that not all single adults need to work on their interpersonal skills, but there are more that do need to than do not. The focus on self and neediness too often overshadows the basic consideration of others.
1. Listening – This is the big lost art in our society. I invite you to purposely become a GREAT listener. It is my firm belief that positive interaction with others would greatly increase if we would spend more time listening!
2. Questions – Instead of focusing on statements, use questions in your conversations – Ouch! But that would mean that I would not be talking about myself. Wow – I think you’ve got it. That is the biggest obstacle in people skills in that all or nearly all our conversation is on or about us. You cannot connect with others if you are talking about yourself all the time. I highly recommend the book written by Tom Freese titled “Secrets of Question Based Selling”. It is not just about selling, but a style of communication that will bring positive results in all interactions.
3. Caring about others – Criticism is an easy way to go in life, but pays very low dividends. Single adults too often sit around complaining about how others are not meeting their needs (including the church) but are not practicing what they preach in their own lives. SERVING is the key to greatness in any relationship. Matthew 23:11 “The greatest among you will be your servant.” A pool of water that does not have a way to flow out quickly becomes stagnant. This is true in our lives as well. I am not suggesting that you take on a martyr’s role. Seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit and your church leaders in how and where you can serve. A novel idea – ask church leaders or the leaders of a good non-profit organization where they can use some help. The genuine, serving spirit is a wonderful Interpersonal Skills.
Ask and it will be given to you
Interested in really knowing how you are doing in interpersonal skills? Ask! Seek out some close friends or family and ask them to share some feedback in how you are doing with your people skills. This is a courageous step but one that can pay big dividends.
Pray and ask God to reveal to you how caring and considerate you are of others.
Consider taking some courses in management or interpersonal skills at a local college or university. This can be an objective way of receiving feedback and learning how to grow in this area. I can recall seeing myself interact with others on a video. It was very revealing.
You have found me advising over and over to develop a buddy support group of one or two Christians of your own gender. Can you imagine the value of helping each other to grow in all areas of your life? Wow! Now that would be awesome.
Make your love statement the best you can.
Think about how you are relating to people, in both verbal and non-verbal communication. You are making a “statement” every time you connect with another person. If this has the potential for a relationship, this statement becomes your “love statement”. I invite you to make it the best you can.
Dr. Jim
Author of “Guide to Successful Online Christian Dating”
1Cor 10:31 “. . . whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”
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