What does God say about virginity, marriage, and consequences from our decisions? Let’s understand what God wants us to apply to our lives with Biblical principles.
This question, or one similar to it, often arises in emails received from singles. Virginity is something that God instructs us to bring into the marriage. How does one relate to those who are no longer virgins? Can one restore their virginity? How does virginity relate to second marriages? Allow me to share some thoughts on this area.
- God is very direct that sex before marriage is a sin. 1 Corinthians 6:18 is very clear about this. God wants us to be pure when we enter into marriage and stay faithful to our spouse.
- When virginity is broken, one cannot become a virgin again. I frequently receive an email saying that one has restored his or her virginity. This is a physical impossibility to my understanding. What I believe the person ‘means’ (and I concur) is that God has forgiven them and sees them as pure again. 1 John 1:9 says ‘If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.’ God sees us a pure in His eyes, but He does not remove the consequence of our sin from us. If we lost our virginity, we have lost it. God wants us to confess it as a sin, be forgiven by Him, and then change our lives so the sexual sin does not happen again.
- Before we become judgmental of those who have lost their virginity outside of marriage, let me share these words from God’s words in Matthew 7:3-5 – ‘And why do you see the mote that is in your brother’s eye, but consider not the beam that is in your own eye? How will you say to thy brother, Let me cast out the mote out of your eye; and lo, the beam is in your own eye? You hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of your own eye; and then you shall see clearly to cast out the mote out of your brother’s eye.’ My point is that EACH of us has some form of sin in our lives.
- The Bible is filled with a balance of embracing God’s ways and disciplining our actions, while at the same time embracing that we are fallen creatures and must be repentant before God. Just because we know that He will forgive us does not mean that we should go out and sin. Paul spends a lot of time discussing this in Corinthians and Galatians. You must remember that even though He forgives the sin, He does not remove the consequences of our actions.
- If you are a virgin, you should continue to live your life with this wonderful blessing. There are so many spiritual, physical, emotional, and psychological blessings that only you can enjoy.
- If you have ‘fallen’, repent and ask God for forgiveness. Then follow this by placing accountability into your life. I would also recommend that you seek out a Christian counselor. Our sexual sins are often acting out something deeper going on inside us. It would serve you well to find out what this is and resolve it before it complicates your life further.
- For those who have been faithful and are still a virgin, continue to ask God to bring a mate to you who is also a virgin. However, I personally recommend that you not restrict God’s hand in this way. Consider that if one is seen by God as pure, shouldn’t that be good enough for you? (I think that they should demonstrate a repentant heart over an extended time too.)
- Should one who is a virgin consider marrying someone who has been divorced? I think that this is a very personal decision that must be led by God for the answer. An extended time should be given to this along with superb counseling. The counsel of family and close friends should also be a part of the confirmation process.
We too are fallen creatures
All of us live with sin abounding in the world around us. We too are fallen creatures and it is only by the grace of God that we are able to move on to freedom and peace. Seek to find that Biblical balance where we are to seek the very best in others, and ourselves while embracing where God has given grace, forgiveness and restoration. This is not an easy topic and I pray that God will lead you to an understanding that He wants you to apply to your life.