Dear Jim: Is it wrong to date someone of a much younger age?
This questioned is raised from time to time in an email from a single. The question about age gap relationships is either about men dating younger women or women dating younger men. Does the Bible have anything to say about this? No – there is no scripture that says Christians should not do this. Cultures may vary around the world on this, but God has no instructions in His Word that says anything about age and relationships.
There are practical considerations that each person should entertain if they are considering dating someone much younger OR older than themselves. I would encourage anyone in this type of a relationship to not rush into anything and allow plenty of time to consider all areas of the relationship.
How should you approach dating overall, independent of age gap relationships?
I believe that dating should be approached when we are as healthy as we can be in all areas of our life. If we take the time to do this first, then we will be less tempted to approach dating with any wrong motivations. No one should be seeking a relationship to fill a void in his or her life. A void will become a suction demanding more attention than other areas of the relationship. This initiates the relationship in an out of balance condition. Do you know what happens when we do this? The relationship acts like the ball in a pinball machine – bouncing all over the place trying to find success but with no stable way to maintain the relationship.
Allow me to share a thought in how you can remember what happens when you allow your life to be led by a ‘suction’ (void). It leads to a result where you will find yourself saying ‘this sucks’! (In case your language does not relate to this term, it means that the condition is an extremely poor one that you do not want to find yourself in.)
Develop friendship first
I encourage you to set out on an adventure to make Christian friendships. First, develop friendships with those of your own gender and build a strong sense of close community through an accountability group. Then broaden your community by making friendships with members of the opposite gender whose qualities and characteristics you find wholesome and attractive. Then allow God to guide you in a path that brings the ultimate peace and happiness to you. The results will be what they will be – guided by God and your mental and emotional health. If and when He leads you to someone, it will not matter what age that they are.
May God lead you in wisdom and discernment as you entertain building relationships with others.
Jim
1 Corinthians 10:31
Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.
Hey Family.
We appreciate these hard topics you bring along CC. Personally, I think as a lady turning 32 this year , if it is God’s will I would prefer to meet someone 10 years older & below ( the desire to have kids ) . However , that is all up to the Lord .
If the age difference becomes huge there can be problems in relating with one another since we are in different phases of life.
But if God is leading someone that way we should not discourage them. An article by GotQuestions gives us important fundamentals to consider besides age :
The person we marry should be of the opposite gender (Genesis 2:21–25), and he or she should be a believer in Christ (2 Corinthians 6:14). And, of course, we should marry for the proper reasons (lust and greed being improper reasons). Beyond those guidelines, we have a certain amount of freedom concerning whom to marry or date.
Age differences are a matter of consideration, and we should certainly ask for wisdom when the difference is great (James 1:5), but the Bible does not treat age differences as a moral or spiritual issue.
The advice on how to build friendships is just awesome . Still learning how to build pure Godly friendships especially with the opposite sex. It becomes hard when you are attracted to that person .
**Blessings **
I think age is not of concern especially in the biblical context.
With God age is not abig deal because He the Alfa and Omega and nothing too difficult to him as Bible puts in Mathew : 19:26 what’s impossible with men is possible with God.
Let me cite few biblical example of people who married people older than / married to order than them:
1. Ester married to King Ahusuero when she was too young
2.Ruth married to Boaz, Boaz was too old than Ruth
3
The biggest problem with we Christians is that we limit our God, we sometimes we put Him to scale to human being.
If learn a lesson from two examples of Ruth and Ester, we can see the way they handle this case:
Ruth for example realised the God of Naomi will her God that’s what he said even though she’s was not an Isrealite but she knew that God is powerful and will accomplish any thing
2.Ruth put aside self interest, experience and expectations and he depended on God for directions because without that the of issues if tribalism, racialism, nepotism would be stumbling block, many Iseralites would have said you don’t belong here
3.Ruth did see things the way people were seeing, people could see old Boaz but she was seeing the God sent, age didn’t stop her from doing what’s acceptable and right before God after all she God is able transform age
4.Ester realised that this was God given opurtunity she did what’s right at the right time
5. Ester understood times and seasons of God,.
NOTE: Sara, Elizabeth, Rebecca got children in very old age.
I personally I have witnessed people with extended ages bearing children
What should we learn from this, my simple message is that our God cannot be limited or hindered by any circumstances.
My appeal to everyone is that we need to raise our faith,trust and dependence on God so we can see how God sees things.
In summary for those who can have partners young or older than them they should not discouraged as long as they involved God and seek His directions.
In summary age should not be our criteria when choosing partner for marriage, the most important goals is know what God is interested in not our interest.
Thanks Amen
Hey Family.
We appreciate these hard topics you bring along CC. Personally, I think as a lady turning 32 this year , if it is God’s will I would prefer to meet someone 10 years older & below ( the desire to have kids ) . However , that is all up to the Lord .
If the age difference becomes huge there can be problems in relating with one another since we are in different phases of life.
But if God is leading someone that way we should not discourage them. An article by GotQuestions gives us important fundamentals to consider besides age :
The person we marry should be of the opposite gender (Genesis 2:21–25), and he or she should be a believer in Christ (2 Corinthians 6:14). And, of course, we should marry for the proper reasons (lust and greed being improper reasons). Beyond those guidelines, we have a certain amount of freedom concerning whom to marry or date.
Age differences are a matter of consideration, and we should certainly ask for wisdom when the difference is great (James 1:5), but the Bible does not treat age differences as a moral or spiritual issue.
The advice on how to build friendships is just awesome . Still learning how to build pure Godly friendships especially with the opposite sex. It becomes hard when you are attracted to that person .
**Blessings **
“Age “is a signlficant factor to consider in chooseing the love of our lives.
HOWEVER, WE HAVE TO LOOK AT COMBINATIONS OF “DIET “& “ACTIVITY” AS “WELL”. GENESIS 1:28, the Garden of Eden Diet & the WARNING: LIVE BY THE SWEAT OF OUR BROWS ARE GREAT! & THEY LIVED 125 YEARS.( & MORE).
IF WE IGNORE THESE 2; THEN HEALTH. & LIFE SPAN DECLINE A LOT. THEN WE MIGHT SAY WE HAVE AGED MUCH EARLIER. (SEE NAT’L GEO’ “BLUE ZONE PEOPLE”
IN GLOBAL STUDIES OF PEOPLE LIVEING: HEALTHY , STRONG & INTERACTIVE LIVES INTO 100 + YEARS -BY DAN BEUTNER .)
(ALSO FROM 1972 TO 1990 “THE CHINA STUDY” HAD 640,000 RESEARCHERS GO ACROSS 960 MILLION CHINESE LIVEING IN TRADITIONAL LIFE STYLE & FOUND: NO CANCER, NO HEART ATTACKS, NO DIABETIES, NOR ANY OF THE LONG LIST OF WESTERN DISEASES & ILLNESSES! (SEE PAGE 243 DIETS THAT COMPARE CLOSELY TO GARDEN OF EDEN DIET)
no I don’t think so, our hearts and minds can never be cheated. its not about the age its about the qualities in the relationship and how much the two persons involved understand each other. I have a friend who’s married to a younger guy but she treats him so much love and respect sometimes i tend to forget he’s the younger one in the relationship. if your chooses someone then go for it, regardless of what anyone says.
A brief comment about the Bible : There isn’t specific instruction but there are examples. Look at the book of Ruth, there is an age gap relationship that went well. Isaac and Rebecca is another one, but there was a problem due to the age gap, exacerbated by Esau’s lifestyle.
Current positive examples in marriages which began as mentors, managers, agents, are professional artists, Celine Dion, Rene, mortgaged his assets to help launch her career fathered 3 boys, Katherine McPhee married DAVID Foster a first son for David age 71, Andrea Boucelli his manager Veronica gave him a daughter, she To name a few continued to manage love her highly successful husband, Michael Buble his wife did not know English the marriage succeeded
Ron
Just putting this up as an example for those who are wondering if a large age gap can work: My husband and I married when I was 19 and he was 47. He had a daughter who was four years older than me that has become a good friend. We had two children together and I thank God all the time that he lived long enough to see them both established in great careers and married to wonderful spouses! My husband passed away last year from covid at the age of 83 (I am 56). We were blessed with 36 years of marriage, and I’m so thankful.
I had several friends from high school who married men their own age who were widowed much younger than I was. There are no guarantees in this life, so do not live in fear. If you get along, then get one with it ;o)
Did you get social rejection from other people? Like, if you made a friend with someone and that person found out about your age gap marriage. How did that work? Did you care about what others thought about that? And did you get friends your age?
Go with your heart Elise. If you’re asking the question, you already know the answer. The only people I know who are truly happy are those who follow their heart (ie. the Holy Spirit). Everything will work out. Just let him know before it’s too late.
The younger men I was involved with are now with my mother. I’ve been so heartbroken at this betrayal that continues to occur. I’m looking for someone who’ll be loyal and trustworthy. I’m just disgusted at them all.