What happens when we allow voices to hurt us and block the love in our lives? Some people who are part of our lives, such as family and friends, and even people we don’t know, can impact our lives negatively with hurtful words. Christian singles can find a way to heal by Dr. Jim explaining how to get over these painful experience.
Dear Jim: Voices that block love – Part I
The smell of coffee was permeating the air and the sound of voices was reaching into my senses as I slowly began to wake. It must have been early because it was not time to milk the cows, an every morning chore for me as a West Texas boy of 16.
My aunt had come to visit with us and my bed had been made available to her. My luxury for this night of sleep had been to make a ‘pallet’ on the living room floor. I recall that it was made of two blankets, folded in half to add cushioning. Clearly awake now, but my body was not ready to respond. I lay there and began listening to my Dad and Aunt as they chatted.
Commitment. How long should you date before making a commitment? When Christian singles feel that relationships and love become too complicated or move too slowly, what to do? Is waiting worth it for those who want to commit and know what they are looking for in a partner?
Dear Jim: Is it possible that we fail more and more because we are extending the steps and are making the process more and more complicated?
You pose an interesting scenario and I can understand where you are coming from. My response comes out of my personal experience as well as what I have observed in relating to several thousand single adults in recent years.
The perfect match is someone we desire even though we know it’s impossible to meet (as no one’s perfect). However single Christians still search for this “incredible” person to be part of their lives, after being hurt from previous relationships. Dr. Jim shows that instead of searching for the right one, singles should be working on becoming the right one.
Dear Jim: How do I stop desiring or looking for the perfect match who won’t hurt or cheat on me?
Wow – that is a big question! One way or another this question has been posed to me many times. What is being said in this question?
- I have been hurt and I do not want to feel that pain again
- As much as I do not want to be hurt, I want even stronger to find someone whom I can trust to build a healthy relationship
- I have big time defenses up now and I am afraid to let any of them down
- Fear is my primary motivation as I seek a new relationship
A breakup is never easy, even if the relationship was unhealthy. Many singles still have strong feelings about the other person, but have doubts about giving the relationship another try. Is this kind of relationship worth pursuing? See below for what Dr. Jim has to say about the breakup of a unhealthy relationship and the best way to go about it.
Breakup, but still want to return to the relationship.
Dear Jim: I recently had a breakup with my boyfriend (an unhealthy relationship). Now I have these strong feelings of rejection and wanting to return to the relationship. What can I do?
You have made the mutual choice to stop the relationship and step away. However, your emotions are screaming, ‘I want to vote!’ It is when we allow our ’emotions’ to lead us that we get into trouble. Those who take this approach to relationships find that they repeat bad cycles. They seem to end up with the same type of people in relationships and with the same bad results.