Do you have a love statement? – Part I

Love Statement

Dr. Jim explains how our “love statements” (verbal and also non-verbals statements) can impact our relationships with others. When using dating websites such as ChristianCafe.com, singles are only able to know part of the real person on the other side of the screen and they should be aware that what makes a sucessful “click” isn’t just what we see on the screen, or what we desire in a partner, and how the impact of their love statement can grow the relationship or finish it.


Do you have a love statement? – Part I

Love Statement – Several years ago there was a popular TV show called the ‘Dating Game’. A divider was placed about the middle of the stage – with three possible ‘dates’ on one side and the host and the contestant on the other side. The objective of the game was to determine which of the three possible dates the contestant would choose, without being able to see the three possible dates in person. The contestant could only ask questions and had to make up her or his mind based solely upon their voices and their answers. The audience was the only one able to see all the participants. This total view allowed them to see how far off the mark the answers were misleading the contestant. The game pointedly revealed the huge gap that exists when people are not able to see one another in person.

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Physical Attraction: Is something that can be developed?

Physical Attraction

Singles usually wonder if the person they meet in a dating website will have some kind of physical attraction between them when they meet in person. Dr. Jim explains what kind of chemistry a person should expect to feel when meeting the person for the first time.


Is physical attraction something that can be developed?

Physical attraction is a word that is often used by single adults when describing what they are seeking in a relationship. Before I provide an answer to the above question, let me define ‘physical attraction’ as used in a relationship.

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Reality – Are you chasing a mirage? Part III

reality

Reality can be distorted by our views of ourselves and the world. How can we prevent ourselves from falling into the trap of illusions and distortion that can interfere with our lives? Steps can be taken to get back to reality and heal ourselves in the process. Singles will then realize that the ‘real thing’ is much better than any mirage.


Reality – Are you chasing a mirage? Part III

Part I Are you chasing a mirage? Part I showed how our lives can often find us in the desert. There is much that can be gained from such an experience. Part II Illusion – Are you chasing a mirage? Part II illustrated how we can allow some of our attention to become so strong that things can become like a mirage and become an unhealthy force over our lives.
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Illusion – Are you chasing a mirage? Part II

illusion

Sometimes single adults can become obsessed with finding a mate. And, in the process of finding Mr. or Mrs. Right, they can allow the illusion of what they think they need or want to take over their attitude and relationship with others. Here’s how mere delusions can become “reality” for desperate singles. Dr. Jim explains how observing the desert can help us to learn and to work towards improving our own lives, so that we can become healthy individuals before we search for our other half.


Illusion – Are you chasing a mirage? Part II

In the first article Are you chasing a mirage? Part I, I shared how I see the desert environment in parallel with the single adult life. Both hold great contrast with hidden beauties and joys awaiting discovery.
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Are you chasing a mirage? Part I

Mirage

How can Christian singles relate to being in a desert? When can our alone times with ourselves be used to our own benefit, such as our own self growth? The most important one is when we can hear and know that God is near. Dr. Jim explains how our strength can be restored because of our battles. We can take the beauty of a desert and make it bloom with our own experiences and expectations realised!


Are you chasing a mirage? Part I

Hiking is one of my most favorite activities. This makes it great that I live in the state of Arizona. You will find me two or three times a week climbing up Sqaw Peak at full speed. It is a 1.2-mile trail but almost entirely steps up – up – up. I can make it to the summit in less than 30 minutes winter or summer. The temperatures vary from 38 degrees in the winter to 90+ at 6 AM in the summers.

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Voices that block love – Part III (Negative Reinforcement)

Negative Reinforcement

Dr. Jim explains how words can drastically impact someone’s life and how our thinking can change our world view and block us from finding our desired love. Here’s how to prevent the external voices from influencing our inner voice and how to reject negative reinforcement.


Voices that block love – Part III

In part one: Voices that block love – Part I, I described how the words of others can negatively block us from the love and joy we desire in our lives. In part two: Voices that block love – Part II, I shared how the words we utter can drastically impact our lives. In this article I would like to share how the words we THINK (negative reinforcement) can block  us from the love we are seeking.
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Voices that block love – Part II (Negative words).

Negative words that block love

While dealing with people around us, we should be aware of the impact of negative words on someone’s life. Criticism like that doesn’t help others grow. Dr. Jim shows why Christian singles shouldn’t bad-mouth a previous relationship/partner. It will likely turn off a future prospect.


Dear Jim: Voices that block love – Part II

In part one: Voices that block love – Part I, I described how the words of others can negatively block us from the love and joy we desire in our lives. In this article I would like to share how the words we express can block us from experiencing the best life has to offer.

I was new in town and visiting a singles group at a local church. It was a large group and there was lots of activity. I sat down toward the back of the room so that I could have a good view of the room – you know – the single thing to do. (This was back in my single days!) There was an attractive woman sitting in the row in front of me conversing with several other women. The words of criticism that came from her mouth quickly turned me off. I do not think that she had any clue that her words were serving to reject others.

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Voices that block love – Part I

When voices block love
What happens when we allow voices to hurt us and block the love in our lives? Some people who are part of our lives, such as family and friends, and even people we don’t know, can impact our lives negatively with hurtful words. Christian singles can find a way to heal by Dr. Jim explaining how to get over these painful experience.


Dear Jim: Voices that block love – Part I

The smell of coffee was permeating the air and the sound of voices was reaching into my senses as I slowly began to wake. It must have been early because it was not time to milk the cows, an every morning chore for me as a West Texas boy of 16.

My aunt had come to visit with us and my bed had been made available to her. My luxury for this night of sleep had been to make a ‘pallet’ on the living room floor. I recall that it was made of two blankets, folded in half to add cushioning. Clearly awake now, but my body was not ready to respond. I lay there and began listening to my Dad and Aunt as they chatted.
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Commitment. How long should you wait?

Commitment

Commitment. How long should you date before making a commitment? When Christian singles feel that relationships and love become too complicated or move too slowly, what to do? Is waiting worth it for those who want to commit and know what they are looking for in a partner?


Dear Jim: Is it possible that we fail more and more because we are extending the steps and are making the process more and more complicated?

You pose an interesting scenario and I can understand where you are coming from. My response comes out of my personal experience as well as what I have observed in relating to several thousand single adults in recent years.
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The perfect match – Should you look for one?

The Perfect Match

The perfect match is someone we desire even though we know it’s impossible to meet (as no one’s perfect). However single Christians still search for this “incredible” person to be part of their lives, after being hurt from previous relationships. Dr. Jim shows that instead of searching for the right one, singles should be working on becoming the right one.


Dear Jim: How do I stop desiring or looking for the perfect match who won’t hurt or cheat on me?

Wow – that is a big question! One way or another this question has been posed to me many times. What is being said in this question?

  • I have been hurt and I do not want to feel that pain again
  • As much as I do not want to be hurt, I want even stronger to find someone whom I can trust to build a healthy relationship
  • I have big time defenses up now and I am afraid to let any of them down
  • Fear is my primary motivation as I seek a new relationship

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