Commitment. How long should you wait?

Commitment

Commitment. How long should you date before making a commitment? When Christian singles feel that relationships and love become too complicated or move too slowly, what to do? Is waiting worth it for those who want to commit and know what they are looking for in a partner?


Dear Jim: Is it possible that we fail more and more because we are extending the steps and are making the process more and more complicated?

You pose an interesting scenario and I can understand where you are coming from. My response comes out of my personal experience as well as what I have observed in relating to several thousand single adults in recent years.
(more…)

The perfect match – Should you look for one?

The Perfect Match

The perfect match is someone we desire even though we know it’s impossible to meet (as no one’s perfect). However single Christians still search for this “incredible” person to be part of their lives, after being hurt from previous relationships. Dr. Jim shows that instead of searching for the right one, singles should be working on becoming the right one.


Dear Jim: How do I stop desiring or looking for the perfect match who won’t hurt or cheat on me?

Wow – that is a big question! One way or another this question has been posed to me many times. What is being said in this question?

  • I have been hurt and I do not want to feel that pain again
  • As much as I do not want to be hurt, I want even stronger to find someone whom I can trust to build a healthy relationship
  • I have big time defenses up now and I am afraid to let any of them down
  • Fear is my primary motivation as I seek a new relationship

(more…)

Breakup. How to get over it?

Breakup

A breakup is never easy, even if the relationship was unhealthy. Many singles still have strong feelings about the other person, but have doubts about giving the relationship another try. Is this kind of relationship worth pursuing? See below for what Dr. Jim has to say about the breakup of a unhealthy relationship and the best way to go about it.


Breakup, but still want to return to the relationship.

Dear Jim: I recently had a breakup with my boyfriend (an unhealthy relationship). Now I have these strong feelings of rejection and wanting to return to the relationship. What can I do?

You have made the mutual choice to stop the relationship and step away. However, your emotions are screaming, ‘I want to vote!’ It is when we allow our ’emotions’ to lead us that we get into trouble. Those who take this approach to relationships find that they repeat bad cycles. They seem to end up with the same type of people in relationships and with the same bad results.

(more…)

Are you jealous? How to combat it.

Jealous are you?

We can easily become jealous from time to time of people around us or even of strangers. What can this negative sentiment do to a person and how can it destroy your lives and aspirations? Dr. Jim explains how to deal with it and what to do when you feel jealous towards other people.


I am jealous and I would like to know how I should deal with jealousy.

Life is unfair at times. For one reason or the other we arrive at a point where we see others around us enjoying what we wish we had. The more we focus on this, the stronger this negative emotion develops within us. If it goes unchecked, it can destroy a person and block them from finding the very thing that they most desire.

What does being jealous mean?

(more…)

Cohabitate – What is wrong with living together.

cohabitate

Read about cohabitate / living together before marriage, and what it does to a couple who want a long term relationship. Check out the research results below showing that couples who cohabitate before marriage are worse off if they live together after marriage.  What does God want from us?


Cohabitate, or living together before marriage.

Cohabitating is more popular than ever. The majority of all marriages are now preceded by cohabitation: 60-75% of first marriages and 80-85% of remarriages (U.S. Bureau of the Census, 2000). Is this a good trend? Are the objectives for doing so being met?

Dr. David Olson formed Life Innovation Inc. in 1980. The objective was to develop exercises allowing a couple to explore their strengths and growth areas. The result was an inventory that has been taken by over 1,000,000 couples. This organization recently released a report on cohabitation to their over 50,000 certified counsellors.

Here are some excerpts from this report:

(more…)

Dating Games – dangerous attitudes at play.

Dating Games

When Christian singles play dating games (“head games”) with a potential mate, the harmful results can destroy potential relationships.  Dr. Jim gives suggestions on how to avoid the trap of dating game players.


Dear Jim: I’m receiving a lot of emails from those who are playing games. What do you suggest?

Games are something that comes along with dating. It should NOT happen, but it is very common. Some of the ‘games’ are not intentional, but too many are.

What do I suggest?

First, it is important that you not be using the Internet for dating without an accountability group. I suggest that you find 1 or more Christians of your own gender to form a support/accountability group. They can be very helpful in keeping perspective as you go through this experience.

(more…)

Dating Sites that work. ChristianCafe.com Marriage Successes.

Dating Sites That Work

Christian singles constantly ask themselves if it’s worth creating a profile on a dating site, or which ones work the best. ChristianCafe.com is proof that dating online works, and we present this blog post with photos of some of our successful couples who met through our dating services over the years.


Dating Sites That Work.

We’ve displayed some great photos that our former members sent us (most from their wedding day) so others Christian singles like yourself can know that using a dating site like ChristianCafe.com can make your dream of finding the love of your life come true. We’re encouraging Christian singles who are still in doubt about using a dating service online by showing them that it can be as easy as creating a dating profile.

(more…)

Dating Site Reviews features ChristianCafe.com

Before joining a Christian dating website, many Christian singles check around the ‘Net for dating sites reviews. From there, they can quickly read about various dating sites and which ones are worth their time (and money). Dating review sites are a great way for singles to find out the good, the bad, and sometimes the ugly, about dating and relationship sites online.

ChristianCafe.com was recently featured in one such review site and we thought our readers would like it check it out at DatingAdvice.com

(more…)

Stages of grief. Moving on after a bad relationship.

stages of grief

Nothing can make you feel better and you feel stuck in a bad situation. How you should deal with grief and how to recognize the stages of grief. Making sure you are ready to move on after a bad relationship or experience.


Dear Jim: How do I know that I am ready to move on with life and make healthier choices (or why do I feel stuck)?

There is a process ( Stages of grief ) that we ALL must go through as we move from one point in life to another. It has to occur every time we experience a change/loss in our life. It does not matter whether it is losing our favorite toy, our job or a relationship. After my divorce, I had no idea what I was “going through” – just that I was loss in some sort of process. It was not until I learned the Stages of grief or the Steps in Loss (Grieving) that I was able to see/feel what was happening. The following chart helped me to find where I was in my process and gave me hope that I could move through it. Let me show the chart and then give a brief explanation as I understand the steps:

(more…)

Hell – Do Christians go to Hell?

Hell and Christians

Do Christians go to Hell? Even after accepting Jesus, many Christians ask such questions.  Sometimes we encounter “supposed” Christians, but their actions are hardly those of real followers of Christ.   By accepting Jesus as their Savior, are these people going to heaven, even if their actions shows the opposite of how a Christian should behave?


Dear Jim: What actions would cause a Christian to go to Hell?

Singles write to me from time to time and share some very terrible events in their lives. The negative impact that someone has had on his or her life is so devastating. Some acts that are done to others are unspeakable. I want to be very sensitive to those who are the recipients of abuse and even attempts of murder. Let me share some thoughts that address two major areas that result from these sinful actions:

(more…)

?>