Even before we look for that special someone on a Christian dating site, let’s learn how we should love – and see love. It’s the best way to have a healthy relationship.
What things should I be looking for in a Christian relationship?
Our natural side often directs us to look for the wrong things when seeking a new relationship. Some of the forces at play are ‘normal’ drives, but they too often take on more significance than they should, for example, the physical side. I don’t think that I need to direct any comments toward personal preferences that you may have, and these have their place. However, I would invite you to consider that things that are SO important in dating become relatively insignificant after marriage.
When we’re in love, there can be physical attraction, with sparks flying. Are these feelings healthy? Should Christian singles follow them, or are there more important signs we should trust before allowing ourselves to fall in love?
Are sparks important in a relationship?
I think that you will find an almost unanimous agreement that sparks are important in a relationship that leads to marriage. However..it is only one of MANY ingredients that go to make a successful relationship. Some other VERY important ingredients are: character, personality, beliefs, tastes, intellect, basic compatibilities, styles, financial habits, temperament, etc.
Physical attraction to the opposite gender is something that seems to have been placed into us by God. It is a strong motivation and has been manipulated by ‘Hollywood’ to a point that most accept that it is THE single most important ingredient. It is not!
Dr. Jim provides advice on the process of having a healthy relationship in the online dating scene and steps to take (and not take) to find your perfect match.
Dear Jim: Are there general guidelines for screening people that perhaps I can use in the future to avoid the bad experience I had?
You are one of many who have written to me with a similar question. Yes, I do believe that some guidelines SHOULD be created (called boundaries) as you approach any relationship – especially over the Internet.
Guide to start a successful relationship Online
The first one is NOT to develop any undue expectations PRIOR to meeting one in person. Approaching the subject of marriage before even meeting should be a sign that “expectations” are getting ahead of the process. I could not state this too strongly. Would also suggest that approaching the subject of marriage even after meeting for the first period of time should not be done. The single biggest cause of heartache in finding relationships is unrealistic expectations.
Pastor Jim provides advice for Christian singles regarding how to react upon realizing you are not attracted to your date.
» Dear Jim: I finally met someone in person and am not attracted. When should I tell them?
Relating to others develops many scenarios. The one that most often occurs when using the Internet for dating is that there often develops a ‘connection’ prior to actually meeting face-to-face. This is accomplished by many emails exchanged and perhaps phone calls where there appears to be a rapport and mutual draw.