Sparks in a relationship

Sparks in a relationship

When we’re in love, there can be physical attraction, with sparks flying. Are these feelings healthy? Should Christian singles follow them, or are there more important signs we should trust before allowing ourselves to fall in love?


Are sparks important in a relationship?

I think that you will find an almost unanimous agreement that sparks are important in a relationship that leads to marriage. However..it is only one of MANY ingredients that go to make a successful relationship. Some other VERY important ingredients are: character, personality, beliefs, tastes, intellect, basic compatibilities, styles, financial habits, temperament, etc.

Physical attraction to the opposite gender is something that seems to have been placed into us by God. It is a strong motivation and has been manipulated by ‘Hollywood’ to a point that most accept that it is THE single most important ingredient. It is not!


Allow me to use another comparison to make my point. When a person decides that they need to exercise, is it the ‘feeling’ that comes from all the exercise and discipline that keeps them going? I don’t think so. It is what they want and the results. The ‘feeling’ comes later and then it serves to motivate.

In dating, we seem to have the force to place physical attraction and the spark into a paramount role. I am not saying that you should not consider the physical aspects, just keep in mind the total package.

How does this apply?

For those using the Internet for dating, you will find the picture and profile of one that looks attractive to you. You drop them an email and they respond favorably. The interaction progresses and you begin speaking to each other over the phone. You are finding enjoyment and getting to know one another.

Then you move to the point of meeting and actually seeing each other. Are you looking for that instant spark? Most of us do. You are the only one who can develop your ‘criteria’ but I encourage you not to look for the spark at the initial meetings with the other person. Further, if you do, I would encourage you not to act on it.

Here is the basis behind my suggestion:

Often I receive a note from someone who finds the chemistry, ‘the spark’ at the initial meetings and allows the physical side of the relationship to develop out of proportion to the other ingredients. Sex soon follows and then either rejection and more pain, or they moved into marriage relatively quickly, only to discover that they do not have many compatibilities needed for success.

On other occasions, I receive input that the sparks were not there in initial meetings. However, the parties decided to continue to build on what they did have in common and the resulting relationship was not only strong – but sparks did develop.

I am not suggesting that if you know right up front that this person is not your ‘style’ that you should continue and build false hopes, etc. Just think about what your motivation is or should be and make wise choices. It is the basis upon which we build our choices that makes the difference between a life filled with joy and one with repeated cycles and pain.

May God open your eyes to the total person as you build ‘friendships’ that move your toward the rich and fulfilling life you and He want.

Dr. Jim

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