Domestic Violence – Signs to look for.

Domestic Violence
Dr. Jim explains how to spot early signs of a violent partner and how to guard yourself from falling into the trap of having a violent spouse and a broken marriage later on.


Domestic Violence

Domestic violence – What early signs should I look for to tell if a man might have the tendency to abuse women?

This is a great question and one that many women should be asking. I am not a trained counsellor and not able to provide the ‘clinical’ answer. However, I do have experience and insights as a Pastor relating to many single adults.
(more…)

Unrequited Love – What are you to do?

Unrequited Love

Some Christian singles find their expectations of love shredded by the fact that the other person doesn’t feel the same way. What to do when love is not returned, but you feel that God has put this person in your life for a reason? Dr. Jim explains what do to when you face a unrequited love.


“Unrequited Love”, when someone whom I think God has sent to be my mate doesn’t agree (or even know I exist): what am I to do?

This statement of unrequited love or one similar to it is often received in an email to me. Sometimes the person will describe how in a dream or vision God described their future mate to them. The person that they met fits this description perfectly. However, the other person isn’t attracted to them or maybe doesn’t that they exist! The added confusion comes in the fact that this single adult is so sure that this is the one that God destined for them and cannot understand why the other person does not see this, too.
(more…)

I Love You: The Most Intoxicating Words On Dating Sites!

I Love You
I love you can be powerful but should you expect to hear that while using a dating site online?


I Love You: The most intoxicating words on the Internet!

Online dating can be fun and exciting. The thought of possibly finding someone who matches all your dreams and wishes is very motivating. I cannot imagine anyone approaching the Internet without the strong motivation that this could be the vehicle where they find their ‘love.’

One day you walk in and either find a profile that blows your mind or an email from someone who shares how they read your profile and found a lot of common ground. The words begin to flow (either from them or perhaps from you to them) as you share with excitement how much they match what you have been seeking. The excitement is heightened when the other person responds and they share your excitement. Wow – now hearts begin to pound and your mind races as you send emails blazing back and forth.
(more…)

7 Reasons To Try Christian Online Dating.

Christian Online Dating: 7 reasons to try it

Some singles are skeptical about online dating but we beg to differ! There are several great reasons for you to check out and be part of one of the most successful dating websites. Here are some great insights about why Christian Online Dating is a great way for you to meet and connect with other Christian singles. If you try it, you might find marriage in the process!


Should You try Christian Online Dating

Many single Christians are not sure if they should try Christian online dating. Reasons can be:

  • They’ve tried it in the past,
  • Friends and family who have tried, keep telling them to give it a shot,
  • Just never had a chance to try it,
  • They’re too shy or embarrassed to try it.

(more…)

Do you have a love statement? – Part I

Love Statement

Dr. Jim explains how our “love statements” (verbal and also non-verbals statements) can impact our relationships with others. When using dating websites such as ChristianCafe.com, singles are only able to know part of the real person on the other side of the screen and they should be aware that what makes a sucessful “click” isn’t just what we see on the screen, or what we desire in a partner, and how the impact of their love statement can grow the relationship or finish it.


Do you have a love statement? – Part I

Love Statement – Several years ago there was a popular TV show called the ‘Dating Game’. A divider was placed about the middle of the stage – with three possible ‘dates’ on one side and the host and the contestant on the other side. The objective of the game was to determine which of the three possible dates the contestant would choose, without being able to see the three possible dates in person. The contestant could only ask questions and had to make up her or his mind based solely upon their voices and their answers. The audience was the only one able to see all the participants. This total view allowed them to see how far off the mark the answers were misleading the contestant. The game pointedly revealed the huge gap that exists when people are not able to see one another in person.

(more…)

Commitment. How long should you wait?

Commitment

Commitment. How long should you date before making a commitment? When Christian singles feel that relationships and love become too complicated or move too slowly, what to do? Is waiting worth it for those who want to commit and know what they are looking for in a partner?


Dear Jim: Is it possible that we fail more and more because we are extending the steps and are making the process more and more complicated?

You pose an interesting scenario and I can understand where you are coming from. My response comes out of my personal experience as well as what I have observed in relating to several thousand single adults in recent years.
(more…)

Breakup. How to get over it?

Breakup

A breakup is never easy, even if the relationship was unhealthy. Many singles still have strong feelings about the other person, but have doubts about giving the relationship another try. Is this kind of relationship worth pursuing? See below for what Dr. Jim has to say about the breakup of a unhealthy relationship and the best way to go about it.


Breakup, but still want to return to the relationship.

Dear Jim: I recently had a breakup with my boyfriend (an unhealthy relationship). Now I have these strong feelings of rejection and wanting to return to the relationship. What can I do?

You have made the mutual choice to stop the relationship and step away. However, your emotions are screaming, ‘I want to vote!’ It is when we allow our ’emotions’ to lead us that we get into trouble. Those who take this approach to relationships find that they repeat bad cycles. They seem to end up with the same type of people in relationships and with the same bad results.

(more…)

Cohabitate – What is wrong with living together.

cohabitate

Read about cohabitate / living together before marriage, and what it does to a couple who want a long term relationship. Check out the research results below showing that couples who cohabitate before marriage are worse off if they live together after marriage.  What does God want from us?


Cohabitate, or living together before marriage.

Cohabitating is more popular than ever. The majority of all marriages are now preceded by cohabitation: 60-75% of first marriages and 80-85% of remarriages (U.S. Bureau of the Census, 2000). Is this a good trend? Are the objectives for doing so being met?

Dr. David Olson formed Life Innovation Inc. in 1980. The objective was to develop exercises allowing a couple to explore their strengths and growth areas. The result was an inventory that has been taken by over 1,000,000 couples. This organization recently released a report on cohabitation to their over 50,000 certified counsellors.

Here are some excerpts from this report:

(more…)

Dating Games – dangerous attitudes at play.

Dating Games

When Christian singles play dating games (“head games”) with a potential mate, the harmful results can destroy potential relationships.  Dr. Jim gives suggestions on how to avoid the trap of dating game players.


Dear Jim: I’m receiving a lot of emails from those who are playing games. What do you suggest?

Games are something that comes along with dating. It should NOT happen, but it is very common. Some of the ‘games’ are not intentional, but too many are.

What do I suggest?

First, it is important that you not be using the Internet for dating without an accountability group. I suggest that you find 1 or more Christians of your own gender to form a support/accountability group. They can be very helpful in keeping perspective as you go through this experience.

(more…)

Stages of grief. Moving on after a bad relationship.

stages of grief

Nothing can make you feel better and you feel stuck in a bad situation. How you should deal with grief and how to recognize the stages of grief. Making sure you are ready to move on after a bad relationship or experience.


Dear Jim: How do I know that I am ready to move on with life and make healthier choices (or why do I feel stuck)?

There is a process ( Stages of grief ) that we ALL must go through as we move from one point in life to another. It has to occur every time we experience a change/loss in our life. It does not matter whether it is losing our favorite toy, our job or a relationship. After my divorce, I had no idea what I was “going through” – just that I was loss in some sort of process. It was not until I learned the Stages of grief or the Steps in Loss (Grieving) that I was able to see/feel what was happening. The following chart helped me to find where I was in my process and gave me hope that I could move through it. Let me show the chart and then give a brief explanation as I understand the steps:

(more…)

?>