Dr. Jim explains how our “love statements” (verbal and also non-verbals statements) can impact our relationships with others. When using dating websites such as ChristianCafe.com, singles are only able to know part of the real person on the other side of the screen and they should be aware that what makes a successful “click” isn’t just what we see on the screen, or what we desire in a partner, and how the impact of their love statement can grow the relationship or finish it.
Do you have a love statement? – Part I
Love Statement – Several years ago there was a popular TV show called the ‘Dating Game’. A divider was placed about the middle of the stage – with three possible ‘dates’ on one side and the host and the contestant on the other side. The objective of the game was to determine which of the three possible dates the contestant would choose, without being able to see the three possible dates in person. The contestant could only ask questions and had to make up her or his mind based solely upon their voices and their answers. The audience was the only one able to see all the participants. This total view allowed them to see how far off the mark the answers were misleading the contestant. The game pointedly revealed the huge gap that exists when people are not able to see one another in person.
This is a reality that one must keep in mind when using the Internet for possible dates. You can gain a lot of insights via email and photos, but you can never see a complete picture without a face-to-face meeting.
My family was flipping through the TV channels a few nights ago when we came upon CNN and the Larry King Show. His guest was Dr. Phil McGraw who became very popular through his counselling on the Oprah Winfrey show. Oprah now has Phil on once a week.
What is a love statement?
Larry King and Dr. Phil received a phone call during the show and the question was why people are not being attracted to this person. Dr. Phil gave a name to something that I have been aware of for some time. He made the comment that each of us makes a ‘statement’ when we meet another person. This ‘statement’ includes our verbal and non-verbal communication – our bearing, our demeanor, our attitude, etc. – the total person. I recall that 65% of communication is non-verbal. Another way of saying this is that via the Internet or even over the phone, you are only ‘seeing’ about one-third of the total person. Any assumption made about another person PRIOR to meeting in person can only be made with PART of that person. What about the two-thirds of the person you have not met yet?
“65% of communication is non-verbal”
This fact is very critical in dating, especially during the interactive stage that takes place using the Internet before meeting in person. As in the ‘Dating Game’ scenario, one is only making guesses about the total person before they meet. It is very easy to get off course during this stage. I see the activity at this stage much like that of a navigator. A course is being charted to a ‘desired’ destination. The challenge is that if the navigator is only off a few degrees, the desired destination will NOT be realized.
What is YOUR Love Statement?
Each of us has a statement – what I will call a ‘love’ statement. This is the statement that we make when we see someone in person. Using the information noted above, this love statement is mostly non-verbal and has perhaps little to do with what you say. It has everything to do with your posture, the air about you, the aura that you exude, and all the other ingredients that make up non-verbal communication. Do you know what your love statement is? Have you found yourself missing the desired mark time after time? It only takes the slightest item in your ‘statement’ to send you off the mark and keep you from the relationship you desire.
What does your face say about you?
How do you find out what your love statement is? How can you make a correction so that you can increase your dating game success? Non-verbal communication – Part II of this series will share some ways for you to find out what your statement is, and how to make some corrections if needed.
“Do you know what your love statement is?”
Dr. Jim
Author of “Guide to Successful Online Christian Dating”
John 8:32 ‘Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.’
My love statement is: Love God first!!! Then yourself. His love will guide you to the person you need to be with and whether that person is sincere and hiding something. If you hurt others you’re opening the door for yourself to get hurt because I do unto others as I would have them do unto me. Pay attention to RED flags in relationships that something is not quite right and to run in the opposite direction as fast as you can.