Singles usually wonder if the person they meet in a dating website will have some kind of physical attraction between them when they meet in person. Dr. Jim explains what kind of chemistry a person should expect to feel when meeting the person for the first time.
Is physical attraction something that can be developed?
Physical attraction is a word that is often used by single adults when describing what they are seeking in a relationship. Before I provide an answer to the above question, let me define ‘physical attraction’ as used in a relationship.
A strong mutual attraction between two people. Chemistry is usually used when a person is describing the physical attraction that they find for a person of the opposite gender. It is seeing the physical attributes and qualities of another that are stimulating. Many single adults limit their definition of physical attraction to the sexual attraction they either have or do not have for another.
“Don’t place too much emphasis upon a relationship until you at least meet in person”
In the usual sense, either a person has this type of attraction for another or they do not. Often single adults will meet via dating sites and become quickly enamored with one another. However, when they meet in person one or both of them find no ‘chemistry’ or attraction to the other person. (This is another reason why I state over and over in my writing to not place too much emphasis upon a relationship until you at least meet in person.)
Can physical attraction be developed?
The simple answer is no. While I do believe that ‘attraction’ can grow over time, I do not suggest that one should prolong a relationship when they know at the beginning that it will not go anywhere for them.
There is no rhyme or reason to attractions! You have surely seen some very ‘unlikely’ couples in their physical attributes or other features. However, they seem to have a mutual attraction – or chemistry – and enjoy a rich relationship. The key to what I just said can be found in the word ‘mutual’. One cannot provide enough chemistry for both in a relationship. It must be something that is shared.
The reserve that I have in writing this article about Chemistry is the fact that many will jump to the conclusion that there is no potential in any relationship unless there are bells and whistles sounding when you initially meet a potential mate. Strong physical attraction does not always surface at first meetings. One of my advisors tells me of a friend who was not impressed with a man on a first date. However, she decided to go ahead with a second date. They now enjoy a wonderful marriage and two children.
What to do when there is no physical attraction at first meeting?
If you have a neutral reaction at first meeting another, and find many other qualities about them to be very attractive, then I strongly recommend that you allow the relationship time to develop. I would also recommend that if you decide to consider such a relationship, that you be open and honest about where you are and are not in your thoughts. This is the honest and considerate thing to do and not take advantage of another person’s emotions.
“Strong physical attraction does not always surface at first meetings”
The danger of focusing on the physical side.
Finally, an improper focus on the physical side of potential relationships is not only dangerous, but will likely keep you away from experiencing a wonderful and full relationship. My thinking is that ‘negative chemistry’ is something that should cause you not to pursue a potential relationship, but ‘neutral’ chemistry should not. If you find the person attractive and strong in many other areas that you are seeking, then give them time to build the relationship and see what ‘physical attraction’ develops. However, I do suggest that you make sure that the attraction is mutual.
Qualities and character traits.
There are many qualities that are essential in a strong and healthy relationship. I find that it helps to write down the qualities and character traits that you are seeking as you go about your dating experience. This will help you to have a ‘balanced’ approach to your considerations and not be carried away with only the physical and/or emotional areas.
Author of “Guide to Successful Online Christian Dating”
John 8:32 ‘Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.’