Help: Mailbox - How To Connect With Others

How do I read mail?

Go to your Mailbox. Messages in your Inbox will be From a particular member, with a Subject and Date Sent. To read a message click the Subject (e.g. "Welcome to!").

How do I delete mail?

You need to read mail before you can delete mail. You cannot delete mail from your inbox if you have not yet read it. There are 2 ways to delete a read message:

  1. When reading a message, you can delete it by clicking on the "Delete" button in the opened message.
  2. In your Inbox place a check in the box to the right of the message (beneath the garbage can icon) and then click the Delete Selected button. You can delete multiple messages this way, including deleted all messages on a page by selecting the "all" link at the top right of your mailbox.

You can delete mail from your Sent Messages folder by using either method listed above.

Deleting a letter from your Sent Messages folder box BEFORE it is read by the intended recipient will remove it from the recipient's Inbox (so he/she won't ever see it). Please wait until you see that your letter has been read, before deleting it (unless, of course, you change your mind about what you have written!).

If you delete a message which has already been read by the recipient, the recipient's mailbox will be unaffected. That is, the message will disappear from your mailbox, but not from his/her mailbox. His/her mailbox will not reflect that you have deleted the message.

Is there any way to retrieve deleted mail?

No. Once mail is deleted, it's gone. So be careful what you delete.

How do I send mail?

There are a few easy ways to write other members:

  1. Reply when reading a message: simply click on the "Reply" button at the top or bottom of the message. You can then compose a personalized response and send it to the member.
  2. You can also initiate contact with someone new by using a variety of searching and matching tools to locate members: the Online page, Search page, New Users list, Who's Viewed Me list, Forums, Prayers page, and more.

    Click on the username or photo of a member so you can view their profile and find out a bit about them. Beneath their photo slots you will see a green "Send Mail" button which allows you to write them a personalized message. There is also the "Send A Wink" button which sends them an automated message to say you are interested in getting to know them.

  3. You can also send a message directly from a results table (e.g. Quickmatch) by using the "Send an Email" link next to their photo.

How do I know if my message has been sent?

When you send your message you will receive either receive a delivery confirmation your message has been delivered correctly to the recipient or an error message detailing why your message cannot be sent.

When you check your Sent Messages folder in your mailbox you will see all messages you have sent, including the most recent message you just sent. You will also see the status* of that message:

  • Unread (the person you sent it to has not yet read your message)
  • READ (the person has read your message)

A member cannot delete your message without first opening it.

* the status column cannot be seen on most mobile devices because the screen is not wide enough. Please use a wider screen device such as a tablet, laptop or desktop computer to see the status column

Do I have to pay to send mail?

You can send 50-400 messages per day*. You can browse as many profiles and pictures as you like and you have no limit to your access while you still have time in your account.

Don't be shy: write to anyone who interests you!

You also can view as many profiles and photos as you wish, login as often as you wish and stay online for as long as you like, take part in forum discussions, post prayers, etc., so long as your account has time in it. We encourage you to take advantage of everything our site has to offer.

* trial members are limited to 50 messages per day. To add time to your account and increase your mail sending limit please, Invest in a Membership.

I didn't mean to send that last message!

In the faster world of automatic mail delivery, you might write something you wish you hadn't sent. Or, you might have made a key spelling error (e.g. you missed the word "not", which would change the intended meaning). The Delete feature in your Sent Messages folder in your Mailbox allows you to remove a message which has not yet been read by the recipient, and thus ensure they will never read it. You can of course send them another message which better conveys your intended wording.

See the instructions for How do I delete mail?

How do I save messages to my computer?

If a member's profile is removed, all trace of that member is removed, including all correspondence you've had with them. Once mail is deleted, it's gone. There are several methods you can use to save messages before this happens.

  1. Cut and Paste Method. Highlight the Cafe message text you want to save (hold the left mouse button and move the mouse). Right mouse click and select Copy. Then open a word processor or text editor (e.g. Microsoft Word or Notepad). Right mouse click on select Paste. Then save the document.
  2. Screen Shot Method. If you know how to take screen shots, you can use this method as well, to save your letters as images.
  3. Save Page Method. Some browsers allow you to access the File menu, where you can select "Save Page As" and save the page to your device.
  4. Print Method. Print out the page which includes the message you wish to save.

I received a "You've Got Mail!" notice but there is no new mail

The "You've Got Mail!" notice to your personal email is triggered the moment a member writes you (depending on your new mail notification setting). It is NOT triggered by Cafe Staff mail. If you received our email notification, then a member did write you.

One reason the message could be gone is the sender's profile was removed *after* s/he had sent the letter. When a profile is removed, all trace of that member is removed, including all mail s/he has sent or received.

Or, the new message could be removed if the sender deleted the message before you had a chance to read it. This may be because the sender changed his/her mind about what had been written or perhaps s/he hadn't realized you would not see the message if it was deleted.

Make sure you do not delete unread mail from the Sent Messages folder in your mailbox unless you never want the recipient to see it.

Why have this delete feature at all?

Please see the answer to I didn't mean to send that last message! for 2 excellent reasons.

Why is it important to reply to mail?

In short, it's discouraging for the sender if you don't reply. When someone writes you they're saying: "I think you have value". If you don't respond this may tell them: "You matter so little, I won't even acknowledge you." Please, think about others.

It's common courtesy to reply to people who have written you, if only to thank them for writing or to provide them with a non-hurtful reason you don't want to pursue the relationship (e.g. you're seeking someone closer geographically, someone closer your age, or perhaps you're pursuing someone else).

Stuck for words? Use the "Acknowledge" response button, which is right next to the Reply button when you're reading a message.

Is there a nice way to say "Not Interested"?

We believe it is courteous to reply to messages one receives, however sometimes one can see the match is not going to happen. If you're at a loss for saying "not interested" in a courteous fashion...

At the bottom of every opened message you will see some buttons. The "Acknowledge" button sends the following letter:

Thanks for writing. This is just to let you know that I received your letter :-)
Take Care."

This letter can also be sent for a number of other reasons, including intending to respond more fully when you have more time. If you do intend to write later, make sure you do; otherwise, the recipient may think you are not interested!

How do I mailblock a member?

Sometimes sending a polite note that you are not interested in further correspondence is not clear enough. In certain cases you may need to mailblock a particular member from writing you again.

To apply a mailblock browse his/her profile and click on the "Apply Mailblock" button beneath their photo slot. Then confirm you want to add the block.

Be aware that blocking another member can be hurtful, particularly if no abuse has taken place.
Blocking will prevent this member from viewing your profile and from sending you a message to your mailbox.

If you receive any particularly offensive messages we can look into the situation for you. Use the report button when viewing their profile to report the issue to us. Include details of the offence to assist our staff in its investigation. (Please ensure you read our conduct policy before contacting us.)

Do not send messages to members you have mailblocked or are intending to block. This is not only rude but it aggravates a difficult situation. This could also be considered abuse, by you.

How do I reverse a mailblock?

Go to your Blocked Members list and then click the "Unblock this member" icon next to their photo. Then confirm you want to remove the block.

How many messages can I send?

Free Trial Members can send 50 messages per day, but a paid member can send up to 400 (per day!)

Please see your Membership page to become a paid member and invest in your future.