Online Goodness For Singles Seeking Their True Love
Pastor Jim discusses broken trust in relationships, how to rebuild that trust, and when and how to move on.
Trust takes time to build, but can be lost in a moment
Trust is such a valuable item. It takes a lot of time, energy, and consistency to build trust but it can be lost in a moment. I like to go to the dictionary to ground myself in the source of the word. Webster defines trust as: assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something.
Dr. Jim provides advice on healing a broken heart, with a discussion that includes why some singles seem to remain single – and the steps to take (and not take) to regain emotional balance in your life.
Single adults realize quickly that dating involves taking risks. It is a challenging process to find ‘someone’. Perhaps it is even more challenging when that one does not turn out to be ‘the one’ and the relationship ends. The emotional turmoil that follows is often painful. How one goes about dealing with this brokenness is essential to future healthy relationships.
In today’s advice column, Pastor Jim discusses the notion of finding “The Perfect Match”
As I interact with single adults, it quickly surfaces that there are many who have too high expectations for a match, or many who have very low standards. A great myth that keeps many dating sites profitable is the belief that if one searches long enough they will find the perfect match. This approach reminds me of the saying about finding a perfect church, if you find one DO NOT JOIN for it will no longer be perfect! This is certainly true when it comes to finding the perfect match in a relationship.
Is there correlation between questions and good relationships?
Dr. Jim explores the topic of making statements versus asking questions – and how that can affect human dynamics, especially in relationships. We’re thinking this can be applied well when conversing with other singles on online dating sites, when on actual dates, and – of course – in dedicated relationships.
DEAR JIM: HOW CAN I LEARN TO TRUST AGAIN?
If you have lived very long on this earth, you have had to deal with a broken trust. This is even truer for most single adults. A trust has been extended, sometimes for years, only to find that they were taken advantage of and the other person usually broke their trust more than once. How does one find a way to trust again?
Dr. Jim talks about your outward appearance when trying to meet other people (i.e. smile!) — Remember this in your dating site photos as well — show yourself in a positive light!
The face is the primary vehicle for non-verbal communication
The face is an interesting aspect of our physical appearance. Think for one moment what it would be like to try to know someone else without being able to see his or her face. It is the primary vehicle for non-verbal communication. The position squint of the eyes, the turn of the mouth, the wrinkling of the forehead can make a big difference in understanding the spirit behind the actual words.
What do people see in your face? Let’s say you are walking around the office, out with friends or family, or in a singles gathering – is there a communication getting there before ‘you are?’
The expression ‘poker face’ comes to mind. This is the term used to define someone who does not show their emotions, or the normal emotional response, in their facial expressions.
Life can be very challenging at times and really get us down. When we are ‘focused’ on our problems, too often we walk around wearing a frown or looking downtrodden.
Dr. Jim discusses writing messages, responding to messages, and the expectations involved – when using online dating sites.
DEAR JIM: WHY DOES NO ONE WRITE?
You have gotten up your courage to finally reach out to make friends. With excitement, you view the numerous people that you see on the Cafe and find several whom you feel an attraction to for one reason or another. You think and think and think and then finally compose some words of greeting to one or more of these and slowly hit the ‘SEND EMAIL’ button.
Now you’re done! You are out there and you feel excited, scared and your mind begins to race as you wonder about the reply.
Dr. Jim tackles the question of whether a Christian woman should let a man know that she is interested in him.
DEAR JIM: SHOULD A WOMAN LET A MAN KNOW SHE IS INTERESTED?
This is not a Biblical question, but allow me to share some thoughts.
Cultures dictate how men and women relate to one another. Social interactions in our societies have changed in recent years and the distinction between men and women has become confused.
A recent email asked the question regarding is it okay to show an interest in a man. Some men would love it, others be taken back by it. Confusing times for all!
Dr. Jim discusses being single for the Christmas holidays, and how to cope if in that situation.
Christmas and the holidays should be times of great joy – right? The reality is that many singles wrestle with a LOT of emotions around the holidays seasons.
DEAR JIM: ARE THERE GENERAL GUIDELINES FOR SCREENING PEOPLE THAT PERHAPS I CAN USE IN THE FUTURE TO AVOID THE BAD EXPERIENCE I HAD?
You are one of many who have written to me with a similar question. Yes, I do believe that some guidelines SHOULD be created (called boundaries) as you approach any relationship – especially over the Internet.