Single for the Holidays?: How to Cope

Single for the Christmas Holidays?Dr. Jim discusses being single for the Christmas holidays, and how to cope if in that situation.

Christmas and the holidays should be times of great joy – right? The reality is that many singles wrestle with a LOT of emotions around the holidays seasons.

During the single years after my divorce, I found myself too often alone and single when the holidays rolled around. I was blessed to have a brother and sister-in-law living about 1.5 hours away who always invited me to join them for the holidays. BUT my emotions did not want to be with them. There seemed to be something within me that wanted to enjoy a ‘pity’ party. Fortunately for me, I usually went ahead and spent the time with them and always came away glad that I did.

How about you? What will this holiday season be for you?

Jesus was a single adult!

Emotions are real and they can greatly influence our lives for good or bad. As I thought about writing this article, I found myself thinking about Christ and his time on earth. Can you embrace the fact that Jesus was a single adult? The Bible shares with us that Jesus was all God while being all man. The ‘all man’ side of him needed to be valued and in community with others. While Christ did not have ‘Christmas’, He did have many times of festival where He found Himself alone.


There is no substitute for friendships. Christ seemed to develop a very deep friendship with Lazarus, Mary and Martha. I believe that this friendship provided to Him some very rich emotions. Do you recall what Jesus did when He learned that Lazarus had died? ‘Jesus wept’ is often thought of as the shortest versus in the Bible (John 11:35), but I found it a verse filled with human emotions. The next verse says that those around Him recognized just how much Jesus loved him.

Wouldn’t it be nice if you and I had a friend who could raise us from the dead? We do!!!

With compassion, allow me to share this thought for you at Christmas. Christ IS the reason for the season. His Spirit not only yearns for your celebrative spirit in recognition of what Christ has done, but He also wants to be involved in raising you from your ‘dead’ emotional life. He lives and He lives within you.

What would Christ want you to do?

As you approach this holiday season with your own emotional challenges, I invite you to think about what Christ would want you to do. Here are some thoughts to ‘prime your pump’:

» Accept invitations

Accept that invitation to family and friends and go with an attitude to have a good time.

» Volunteer

Contact your church and volunteer to some activity that involves serving others. You heart will be filled with value as you care for children, impoverished, elderly, ill, or whatever circumstances others find himself or herself in.

» Invite others

Invite others to celebrate it with you.

» Seek new friendships

Purpose to make new friendships during these holidays. This will be like making a gift to you. Go on-line and find others with whom you can share and brighten their day while they brighten yours. DO NOT look for a date!! Look for friendships – first with your own gender and then with the other.

Tip: How about conversing in the Cafe forums? Many have found friendship, encouragement and more – via the Cafe forums! Yes, it’s included with your Free Trial.

» Celebrate the season!

Go to church activities and CELEBRATE! Spend time in communion with God and allow Him to speak to your heart and soul with all that He loves about you.

Rise above…

Please understand that I am not saying that this is an easy thing to do. There are some times in life that we have to rise above our feelings so that we (1) face away from destruction; and (2) move toward the feelings and life we desire.

Know that you have my prayers for a holiday season filled with strength, blessings and good memories. Now as Christ spoke to Lazarus – ‘Get up and go live‘!!!

Dr. Jim

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1 comment on “Single for the Holidays?: How to CopeAdd yours →

  1. Unfortunately, churches, businesses, non-profits, volunteer groups, and families tend not to offer their normal activities on holidays such as Christmas and Thanksgiving. Much of the advice here is good for some people, but it can be hard to apply. We are saying this as a FB page that specifically looks for ways to get involved in the community. There aren’t many.

    BTW – the above comment was originally intended to be posted to this blog post but was accidentally posted to a different one. Please don’t ban us for making an honest mistake. Thanks!

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