Seeking Your Perfect Match?

The Perfect Match?

In today’s advice column, Pastor Jim discusses the notion of finding “The Perfect Match


As I interact with single adults, it quickly surfaces that there are many who have too high expectations for a match, or many who have very low standards. A great myth that keeps many dating sites profitable is the belief that if one searches long enough they will find the perfect match. This approach reminds me of the saying about finding a perfect church, if you find one DO NOT JOIN for it will no longer be perfect! This is certainly true when it comes to finding the perfect match in a relationship.

Relationships are about imperfect people

Relationships are not about perfect people fueling each other to excellence. It is about imperfect people committed to serving and loving each other in a way that allows each other’s imperfections to grow smaller and less significant. The focus on what is great about the other person and helping them fulfill in their purpose is the core of successful relationships.

Are you seeking a perfect match?

So many singles are not in relationships today because of a false image of what a great relationship looks like. If the emphasis is placed on finding the perfect match – it ain’t going to happen! Previous blog post about the search for a perfect match online: Does God have a soulmate for me?

Feel you’ve found the perfect match?

If you think you have found a perfect match, you are in denial. Many so-called perfect matches are those who have not been tested over time and hardships. Both of these are essential to maturing a relationship and confirming it.

What do YOU offer in a ‘perfect’ relationship?

If you are bent upon finding Mr. or Miss Perfect, stop and take an assessment of what you have to offer for your side of the relationship. While I hope you have some awesome things to contribute, I know that you have your imperfections. We all have them.

Principles versus standards

You might think that the way to address this is to lower your standards. It depends upon how you define standards. There is a difference between principles and standards in the way I see it. Principles are to be held to no matter the issue. However, someone sets standards and others most likely created them for you that you have accepted, or you developed through a series of hardships. Neither of these serves as a good foundation for making standards.

Do not get caught up in agreeing or disagreeing with my words on standards, but do focus on the criteria you are using to determine connecting with others.

Take time to enjoy building friendships

There is one other activity that is too often pursued that causes many to not realize success in relationships. This is forgetting to take the time to enjoy building friendships and instead focus on jumping to potential marriage partners. This is a serious mistake and will rob you of many days of enjoyment and developing a potential relationship that you are not able to see up front.

Think and pray about this asking God to guide you to how you need to look at connecting with others.

Pastor Jim

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2 comments on “Seeking Your Perfect Match?Add yours →

  1. Yes, it is interesting the men who I have encountered who call themselves Christians who are looking for someone who has never had to suffer for her faith. That is the essence of what Christ modeled for us in his false arrest and crucifixion.

  2. A few things where perfectionism in dating comes from.

    #1 Family
    There are families who put emphasis, esp. for daughters, to have the “right” if not, perfect, spouse. Anyone who doesn’t meet their expectations is either rejected and/or abused. The children also get rejected and/or abused by their families themselves as well. Friends also do the same thing as family. In fact, there are set ups on dates and arranged marriages by family and/or friends that turn sour because people are told by these people that the people they set them up with are good people when they’re not.

    #2 Church
    Some churches will put a lot of emphasis on not dating non-believers and dating believers instead because they think of non-believers as bad while believers are good. Often times when believers are told to date and marry believers only, it turns out to be miserable. For example, the other believing partner is self-righteous and thinks they are holier than non-believers, labeling them as bad while the believing partner is good, which leads to arguments, etc.

    This is typical among some people, including Christians, that they can’t even get to know a person they meet on their own and make decisions.

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