Dr. Jim provides advice on healing a broken heart, with a discussion that includes why some singles seem to remain single – and the steps to take (and not take) to regain emotional balance in your life.
Single adults realize quickly that dating involves taking risks. It is a challenging process to find ‘someone’. Perhaps it is even more challenging when that one does not turn out to be ‘the one’ and the relationship ends. The emotional turmoil that follows is often painful. How one goes about dealing with this brokenness is essential to future healthy relationships.
A cycle of relationships that only get so far…
Not everyone who is past a certain age (I will not give a number) is single because they have problems. However, I have noticed that there are a number of singles that remain single many years after a previous relationship ended because: (1) they have never experienced a healthy relationship in childhood or since; or, (2) they did not process through the breakup in a healthy and complete manner. What develops is often a cycle of relationships that only get so far before the one who is not healed completely from a previous relationship chooses to move on.
How to heal from a broken heart – and return to a healthy emotional balance
What are some things that one should do to heal from a broken heart and find their way back to healthy emotional balance?
- Pour your ‘heart’ out to God. His Spirit is the greatest comforter you will ever have. Ask God to work in your mind and emotions and guide you to healthy choices and actions.
- Understand it is a process that takes time AND requires making the right choices. Time in itself will not provide the healing. There are those famous words that many singles in this condition hear – ‘just get over it’! While it is well intended, it takes both time and healthy choices.
- You must not walk around, but walk through the process. It is the shortest distance to peace and restored emotional health. Take it one day at a time, making wise choices one at a time. One wise choice built upon another and the feelings will follow. If you lead with your feelings, you will often get into trouble.
- Set out to make new Christian friends – men and women.
- If appropriate, share with your Pastor and ask for his prayers and guidance.
- Find 1 or 2 other Christian singles of your own gender and develop good buddies with them. You should encourage, support, and hold each other accountable.
- Fill your life doing the things you enjoy, with those you enjoy doing them with.
What not to do when you have a broken heart
What you should not do with a broken heart:
- Do not rush into another relationship. It may soothe your surface feelings, but it is the worst thing you can do for yourself and the other person.
- Do not listen to well-meaning friends and relatives who tell you it just takes time and you need to move on with your life.
- Do not think that you can just take care of it by yourself and hibernate or withdraw. Be busy making new friends and active in healthy activities.
- Do not think that God has abandoned you.
- Do not try to ‘rush’ back to the old relationship. It may be that God desires for that to happen – some day. However, you need to allow Him to do the work and not any manipulation, etc.
The Holy Spirit is the great comforter of our lives. He is God on earth, desiring to lead you through this time to strengthen you. The Bible tells us in 2Corinthians 1:3-4:
‘Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God’.
Make the choice today to move toward healing your broken heart.