Sometimes when we think we are involved in a seemingly wonderful and fulfilling relationship, the carpet is pulled out from under our feet and we find ourselves alone once again – and not sure why our “significant other” left.
I met someone online and the relationship was going great – but then he/she left abruptly. What did I do wrong?
Emails are often received with a story of how the person met someone online and enjoyed an awesome experience. This experience ranges from just one meeting to several months in length. All seems to be going supernaturally well, then suddenly the person either disappears OR says that they have met someone else. Were there signals that should have been seen? Is it something that someone did wrong?
How should older singles face the dating scene in a world that has changed rapidly from the “old ways” to online dating relationships? What they should do to navigate this “strange new world”.
Are there any differences that should be considered when dating as an older adult?
There are now many adults who are 35+ that have never been married, or who are returning to single life after a divorce or death. While some things remain the same, there are many conditions that have changed in the world today. This is a topic that requires a book to properly answer all the ramifications, but allow me to address a few of them below:
Men and Women want different things in life and relationships. Check out how their needs differ greatly: what is most important for men and for women? What can we do about this difference? Here’s some great insight for Christian singles on understanding each other before searching for your special someone.
What do men and women want? (His needs/Her needs)
Before I publish any article, I send it to a group of singles I have asked to be my ‘advisors’. These singles are a variety of ages, occupations, backgrounds, etc. All are wonderful Christians who join me in having a passion to serve singles.
What should you do when meeting someone online and he or she is a single parent? Here are some insights on what to do, what to expect, and what the best outcome is for a relationship when children are involved.
Should I be concerned about marrying someone with children if I don’t have any?
Questions relating to children in a relationship are often received. There are some who write with the implication that it is a terrible thing when people are considering marriage when one of them does not have children and the other one does.
First of all, I cannot think of any scriptures that would be directly applicable to this circumstance. While I do not believe that this is a ‘scriptural’ consideration, I think that those involved should move slowly as they discover the answer for their relationship.
When we’re in love, there can be physical attraction, with sparks flying. Are these feelings healthy? Should Christian singles follow them, or are there more important signs we should trust before allowing ourselves to fall in love?
Are sparks important in a relationship?
I think that you will find an almost unanimous agreement that sparks are important in a relationship that leads to marriage. However..it is only one of MANY ingredients that go to make a successful relationship. Some other VERY important ingredients are: character, personality, beliefs, tastes, intellect, basic compatibilities, styles, financial habits, temperament, etc.
Physical attraction to the opposite gender is something that seems to have been placed into us by God. It is a strong motivation and has been manipulated by ‘Hollywood’ to a point that most accept that it is THE single most important ingredient. It is not!
Long distance relationships have theirs ups and downs and we shouldn’t allow our fantasies to blur reality when using online dating.
What advice would you have about dating online and long distance relationships?
The development of any relationship is challenging – but long distance does add some unique aspects to consideration. Although I am sure not all-inclusive, here are some thoughts that I believe one should consider as they entertain long distance relationships.
Dr. Jim provides advice on the process of having a healthy relationship in the online dating scene and steps to take (and not take) to find your perfect match.
Dear Jim: Are there general guidelines for screening people that perhaps I can use in the future to avoid the bad experience I had?
You are one of many who have written to me with a similar question. Yes, I do believe that some guidelines SHOULD be created (called boundaries) as you approach any relationship – especially over the Internet.
Guide to start a successful relationship Online
- The first one is NOT to develop any undue expectations PRIOR to meeting one in person. Approaching the subject of marriage before even meeting should be a sign that “expectations” are getting ahead of the process. I could not state this too strongly. Would also suggest that approaching the subject of marriage even after meeting for the first period of time should not be done. The single biggest cause of heartache in finding relationships is unrealistic expectations.
Is our perfect match chosen by God? What should we expect to feel when we start dating a potential “soulmate”? Dr. Jim gives us some insight into what we should expect from “the one” (assuming their is just one).
The phrase ‘soulmate’ is often included in an email from a single, or I am asked if there is such a thing as a soulmate. The Bible does not discuss this concept but it certainly is used a lot among singles.
There is a desire to find someone who is a ‘perfect’ match. Although this is but a thought, it really surfaces when they meet someone who appears to meet all their expectations. The other person says the right things, likes the same things as they do, and just seems to know exactly what to do to please them. The feeling is so overwhelming and it seems like a divine appointment. Is this really a match made in heaven?
Dr. Jim explains the relationship phases with a simple guide to build a healthy relationship for those singles who are marriage minded.
The media bombards us with sex and dating built appealing to our fantasies. There is a progression that should take place in building a relationship. The following is offered as a guide to consider as you build a relationship.
Note: As soon as I say guide, every single reading this will think they are an exception and the timing noted does not apply to them. Yes – it does! One of the strangest phenomenons that I have observed is that single dating behavior is more common than most of us think. I encourage you to not look for the ‘exception’ but where you can build the type of relationship that will serve you and your partner well for years to come.
Fantasy Stage 1 – 6 months:
In today’s singles advice, Dr. Jim Rives talks about: Is Love Enough? for those seeking for a lasting relationship.
Please let us know your thoughts on this, in the comments below. Thanks!
Seeking a lasting relationship…
What criteria do you use in seeking a lasting relationship? Is a strong emotional bond sufficient to see you through the years?
Life presents us with many twists and turns. One sets out to find a good relationship only to find someone show up who does not meet all the desired qualities. Have you set your criteria too high, or is it okay to have high standards?