Voices that block love – Part I

When voices block love
What happens when we allow voices to hurt us and block the love in our lives? Some people who are part of our lives, such as family and friends, and even people we don’t know, can impact our lives negatively with hurtful words. Christian singles can find a way to heal by Dr. Jim explaining how to get over these painful experience.


Dear Jim: Voices that block love – Part I

The smell of coffee was permeating the air and the sound of voices was reaching into my senses as I slowly began to wake. It must have been early because it was not time to milk the cows, an every morning chore for me as a West Texas boy of 16.

My aunt had come to visit with us and my bed had been made available to her. My luxury for this night of sleep had been to make a ‘pallet’ on the living room floor. I recall that it was made of two blankets, folded in half to add cushioning. Clearly awake now, but my body was not ready to respond. I lay there and began listening to my Dad and Aunt as they chatted.

The conversation was about how each child was doing. I heard my Dad go speak about each one – beginning with the youngest of my brother and my two sisters. The conversation was interesting and I found myself yearning to see what my Father would say when he came to me. I did not dare move now for I wanted them to think that I was still asleep so that their words would not be altered.

I heard my Aunt ask ‘how is James W?’ What I heard next were words that haunted me for years. Dad said something like – ‘I don’t know about James W. I don’t think that he has what it takes to make it in life.’ I could not believe my ears. Those words registered deep down inside my being and became a force affecting my attitude and behavior for years.

Have you ever heard words that devastated you and tossed your world into turmoil? Every one has heard those words at some time in their life. Perhaps the words came from a parent as I related above. Or perhaps it was a close friend, a boss, a mate, or someone who was very special in your life. It hurts when someone whom you value and hold dearly speaks words of rejection or disapproval.

Whoever penned the words ‘sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me’ was definitely not from the human race! Words hurt and they serve to imprison (or they inspire us if positive).

Who were the the negative voices in your life?

1. A teacher made a derogatory, hurtful comment in front of the class about your work.

2. A former spouse said things that went to your self worth and it hit deeply.

3. A child in grade school called you a name and the other kids took it up and ridiculed you.

Words can and do hurt us and they can set forces in motion that negatively impact our lives for years. If these forces are not processed in a healthy way, it will send the person into unhealthy behavioral cycles keeping them feeling pain over and over. These forces become so embedded that the person no longer recognizes the source or how it is so negatively blocking them from realizing the love they desire.

If this article has caused you to realize that you are being blocked from enjoying a healthy life, from moving on toward the love you desire, then I encourage you to address this now.

“Words can and do hurt us and they can set forces in motion that negatively impact our lives for years”

How can you address this now?

1. Before you go back and confront the one(s) that said damaging words to you, I suggest that you need to become as healthy as you can first.

2. Our health does not depend upon whether or not another person who hurt us confesses and accepts that they hurt us.

3. Ask God to reveal what words negatively affected your life that you are still carrying inside. As He reveals them to you, ask Him to guide you in how you can process this to find a healthy release.

4. There are times when just the fact that we become knowledgeable of the source allows us to see it for what it is and release it.

5. For many of us, we will need a trained guide to help us uncover the circumstances that negatively impacted our life and how it has entrenched itself into our behavior. God has called some wonderful people to be trained as Christian counsellors. I would encourage you to find one, or a pastor trained in counselling, and ask for their guidance in processing this to a healthy resolution.

To read a similar blog post about this, see how to Let go of the past

Does Satan use these experiences and these  negative voices to imprison us?

My friends, as long as you and I live on this earth, we will experience moments of pain and rejection. I firmly believe that Satan loves to find these experiences and use them to imprison us. I know that I lived for over forty years in such imprisonment. God led me to a wonderful pastor and then counsellor who helped me to properly process this.

I am praying that God will use this article to illuminate your path in the way that He knows it will bring you freedom and joy.

Dr. Jim
Author of “Guide to Successful Online Christian Dating”

“Proverbs 11:9 With his mouth the godless destroys his neighbor, but through knowledge the righteous escape”

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