A breakup is never easy, even if the relationship was unhealthy. Many singles still have strong feelings about the other person, but have doubts about giving the relationship another try. Is this kind of relationship worth pursuing? See below for what Dr. Jim has to say about the breakup of a unhealthy relationship and the best way to go about it.
Breakup, but still want to return to the relationship.
Dear Jim: I recently had a breakup with my boyfriend (an unhealthy relationship). Now I have these strong feelings of rejection and wanting to return to the relationship. What can I do?
You have made the mutual choice to stop the relationship and step away. However, your emotions are screaming, ‘I want to vote!’ It is when we allow our ’emotions’ to lead us that we get into trouble. Those who take this approach to relationships find that they repeat bad cycles. They seem to end up with the same type of people in relationships and with the same bad results.
“It is when we allow our ’emotions’ to lead us that we get into trouble.”
What should you do now?
Your head and spirit need to continue to motivate you toward a healthy life. Here are some thoughts in ways you can do this:
- Confess to God where you have sinned and accept His forgiveness and grace. 1John 1:9 ‘If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.’
- Plan activities to do with other Christians, and get out and have some fun.
This fun should be doing things with Christian friends of your own gender. I would stay away from close contact with the opposite sex until your emotions have healed to the point of being able to make wise choices.
- Do not allow your mind to wander back to the past relationship and focus on the hope that it may be restored to become something desired. Unhealthy relationships rarely turn around to become the desired relationship.
- Find one or more strong Christians of your own gender and form a support/accountability/buddy group. I find this to be the most neglected area by single adults.
- If the force continues to be stronger than it should be, then I recommend that you find a good Christian counsellor for guidance. This can be a wonderful time of personal discovery to free you from negative impacts of the past and release you to make wiser choices in your future.
Check out previous blog post How to heal a broken heart.
Balance your mind, body, soul and emotions.
God designed us with many areas that need to be in balance: mind, body, soul, emotions, etc. What you are dealing with is just one of these areas. Gain a fuller perspective and do not allow one area to dictate to all the others. Can you do this? You can if you choose to do it with God and Christian buddies. Another great truth is found in 1John 4:4 ‘You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.’
A brighter and more fulfilling future awaits you – if you make the right choices!
Dr. Jim
Hi I’m a 58 years old Christian woman I’m separated from my 3 years marriage. I year 1/2 ago try many times to reconcile with my husband to no avail,because of loneliness I keep trying,being an introvert find difficult to obtain friendships even in church.I know in my heart that I have much to offer not in relationships, because my heart is beyond healing.Hope for good company. God grant you the wisdom