Christian Singles Advice Archives — Page 16 of 21

Online Dating First Message: What to Write (and Not Write)

The first message when online dating.

You’ve signed up with an online dating site, and you’ve found someone that you’re interested in. Instead of sitting back and waiting for them to contact you (no, really, make the first move!), you start to craft your first message to them.

First off, you want to make it easy for them to respond. Secondly, you want to capture their attention, so they actually do respond. Finally, you want to make yourself seem likable, so they want to write back.

So, what should your first message consist of (and not consist of)? We’ve got some tips for you to help your chances of getting a response.

Relationship Advice: Ask Questions!

Asking Questions vs Making Statements

Is there correlation between questions and good relationships?

Dr. Jim explores the topic of making statements versus asking questions – and how that can affect human dynamics, especially in relationships. We’re thinking this can be applied well when conversing with other singles on online dating sites, when on actual dates, and – of course – in dedicated relationships.

How to Trust Again

DEAR JIM: HOW CAN I LEARN TO TRUST AGAIN?

If you have lived very long on this earth, you have had to deal with a broken trust. This is even truer for most single adults. A trust has been extended, sometimes for years, only to find that they were taken advantage of and the other person usually broke their trust more than once. How does one find a way to trust again?

What does your face say about you?

your face: Remember to smile!

Dr. Jim talks about your outward appearance when trying to meet other people (i.e. smile!) — Remember this in your dating site photos as well — show yourself in a positive light!

The face is the primary vehicle for non-verbal communication

The face is an interesting aspect of our physical appearance. Think for one moment what it would be like to try to know someone else without being able to see his or her face. It is the primary vehicle for non-verbal communication. The position squint of the eyes, the turn of the mouth, the wrinkling of the forehead can make a big difference in understanding the spirit behind the actual words.

What do people see in your face? Let’s say you are walking around the office, out with friends or family, or in a singles gathering – is there a communication getting there before ‘you are?’

The expression ‘poker face’ comes to mind. This is the term used to define someone who does not show their emotions, or the normal emotional response, in their facial expressions.

Life can be very challenging at times and really get us down. When we are ‘focused’ on our problems, too often we walk around wearing a frown or looking downtrodden.

No Response to Messages?

Online Dating: No Response to Emails

Dr. Jim discusses writing messages, responding to messages, and the expectations involved – when using online dating sites.

DEAR JIM: WHY DOES NO ONE WRITE?

You have gotten up your courage to finally reach out to make friends. With excitement, you view the numerous people that you see on the Cafe and find several whom you feel an attraction to for one reason or another. You think and think and think and then finally compose some words of greeting to one or more of these and slowly hit the ‘SEND EMAIL’ button.

Now you’re done! You are out there and you feel excited, scared and your mind begins to race as you wonder about the reply.

Should a Christian Woman Let a Man Know She’s Interested?

show-interested

Dr. Jim tackles the question of whether a Christian woman should let a man know that she is interested in him.

DEAR JIM: SHOULD A WOMAN LET A MAN KNOW SHE IS INTERESTED?

This is not a Biblical question, but allow me to share some thoughts.

Cultures dictate how men and women relate to one another. Social interactions in our societies have changed in recent years and the distinction between men and women has become confused.

A recent email asked the question regarding is it okay to show an interest in a man. Some men would love it, others be taken back by it. Confusing times for all!

Single for the Holidays?: How to Cope

Dr. Jim discusses being single for the Christmas holidays, and how to cope if in that situation.

Christmas and the holidays should be times of great joy – right? The reality is that many singles wrestle with a LOT of emotions around the holidays seasons.

First Date Tips: Managing Expectations and Staying Safe

First Date Tips

DEAR JIM: ARE THERE GENERAL GUIDELINES FOR SCREENING PEOPLE THAT PERHAPS I CAN USE IN THE FUTURE TO AVOID THE BAD EXPERIENCE I HAD?

You are one of many who have written to me with a similar question. Yes, I do believe that some guidelines SHOULD be created (called boundaries) as you approach any relationship – especially over the Internet.

Christian, Lonely and Single?

Christian? Single? Lonely? Pastor Jim outlines how to overcome being lonely as a single Christian.

Are you lonesome tonight? I can hear Elvis Presley singing this song as he expressed how much he was missing his love. In my mind I can see thousands of single adults howling along with Elvis as they express the loneliness in their lives. Coyotes would have to take a second seat to this choir’s rendition.

Loneliness is a plague for many single adults. It visits them at strange times and in strange locations. They may be in a room filled with people and yet the ache of loneliness hits them like a ton of bricks. Perhaps it is at night when they are finished with the day’s activities and have nothing to focus on but their thoughts. Loneliness makes one feel depressed and can become an unhealthy force if not addressed.

Cohabitation: Why You Should Not

Have you thought about cohabitation? Are you doing so to ‘test it out’ to see if marriage will work? Are you doing it to save on rent? A few months ago we posted some advice from Pastor Jim regarding living together before marriage where he lists many reasons why cohabitation is not a good idea – for both Christians and non-Christians.