Christian, Lonely and Single?

Christian? Single? Lonely?Pastor Jim outlines how to overcome being lonely as a single Christian.

Are you lonesome tonight? I can hear Elvis Presley singing this song as he expressed how much he was missing his love. In my mind I can see thousands of single adults howling along with Elvis as they express the loneliness in their lives. Coyotes would have to take a second seat to this choir’s rendition.

Loneliness is a plague for many single adults. It visits them at strange times and in strange locations. They may be in a room filled with people and yet the ache of loneliness hits them like a ton of bricks. Perhaps it is at night when they are finished with the day’s activities and have nothing to focus on but their thoughts. Loneliness makes one feel depressed and can become an unhealthy force if not addressed.

Jesus filled his time by seeking what pleased God

God does not want His children to be lonely. The New Testament reveals that Christ often chose to be alone. However Christ was never lonely. John 8:29 states “And He who sent Me is with Me; He has not left Me alone, for I always do the things that are pleasing to Him.” Jesus was a single adult with MANY expectations on Him. I believe that Jesus was providing an essential ingredient to not experience loneliness. He filled His time by seeking what pleased God.

Live where God’s spirit is present

Yeah, right, Jim! I am supposed to live in some dimension where I cannot feel the pain of loneliness? My reply would be ‘no’ and ‘yes.’ I am not suggesting that you ignore realities and live in a fantasy world. My encouragement is to live where God’s Spirit is always present and empowering you with hope and joy.

But Jim you do not understand the forces behind loneliness as a single adult. I beg to differ with you for I experienced being single after my divorce. When I chose to focus on the past and myself, I was deeply discouraged and depressed. The loneliness enveloped me like a mighty pressure field that seemed to squeeze the life out of me.

Serve with and for others

However, when I ‘chose’ to seek God and spend time serving with and for others, I found that my loneliness evaporated like a mist. Here is a definition of loneliness that I invite you to consider:

Loneliness: The emotional force that develops when one focuses on themselves and their past or current condition.

It is the cesspool that develops when there is not a healthy and balanced forward outlet.

Spend time with God

Being lonely is not a negative condition. Each of us needs to follow Jesus’ example and spend time alone, especially with God.

Don’t focus on yourself

Loneliness is not a result of being alone. It is the ‘developed’ condition that we will find ourselves in IF we place too much focus on our conditions and ourselves.

Be proactive: Do you have a negative self-image?

Be proactive as a single adult and take stock of your life. Do you have a healthy self-image in all areas of your life? If not, this is the first place to apply energy and thought. Find out why you have a negative self-image in an area and process it in a healthy manner. This may involve a counselor to help you progress.

Do Circumstances Dictate Your Character?

Ask God where you should serve

Ask God where He wants you to serve. There are so many wonderful areas of service that can be done individually, in or through a church, or in the community. There are literally thousands of non-profits in our communities that make a wonderful difference. However, your service must be done primarily to God and then to others. This will save you a lot of heartaches if you keep this in mind.

Marriage is not the answer to loneliness

Marriage does NOT solve loneliness, not even a relationship. I suggest that if you are experiencing loneliness and set out to find a relationship to solve it you will only carry the root forces into the new relationship. Let me express it another way. If you HAVE TO GET MARRIED, you are headed for trouble – I mean TROUBLE.

Marriage is a wonderful thing if to the right person at the right time. I have found that the best place to be is to want to be married, but not have to be married. It is a place of peace that allows wisdom to permeate any relationships that may develop.

Being single means you’re not hindered to serve God

I love the words that Paul shared in 1Corinthians 7 that it is a desirable place to be single. It is too bad that too many churches do not honor this. Paul says that by being single you are not hindered to serve God.

Feeling pressure? Remember God is with you!

If you are feeling the force of loneliness I pray that God will use these words to change your focus. I realize that society can put a lot of pressure upon you. However God is with you ALL the time.

He wants to bless you and guide you to days of great victories and joy. Do not allow your thoughts or the evil one to rob you of your joy. Satan knows that if you remain under the power of loneliness you are limiting God’s blessing on your life.

You are an awesome creation and have great value. Allow God to fill your days with hope and power as you embrace His wisdom and guidance.

Pastor Jim

Psalm 68:6 – God makes a home for the lonely

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14 comments on “Christian, Lonely and Single?Add yours →

  1. Fantastic post with great advice!
    The more you focus on God’s will for your life, the clearer his personal message to you will become. Get out of His way and let Him lead you. You will be blessed for it!

  2. This was a very valid thought and one to ponder…
    Loneliness: The emotional force that develops when one focuses on themselves and their past or current condition.

    For me it is the opposite, if I was not “lonely” I would be thinking only about myself and not caring about sharing anything with another person. The loneliness is like hunger; it doesn’t develop because I am focusing on it. It arises out of a need for something, like hunger pains telling me I need nourishment for my body, loneliness tells me I need to nourish this other aspect of myself for my well being.

    But, just like I should not eat everything I find to satisfy my hunger for food (some things are poisonous for the body), I should not take in just anyone to satisfy my hunger for companionship, as some are poisonous for the spirit.
    We need a well balanced diet in body and soul.

  3. I have enjoyed everything I read. I am happy to say, I too use to be so lonely I felt like I was losing my mind 4 real. So I prayed and prayed and cried out to God to take it away. That was just three months ago, well I just realized this week the loneliness is leaving. I thank God. I have been occupying myself with conquering all my fears and pains that I was afraid to challenge and it’s full-filling the emptiness. Also stayed often in the streets evangelizing and when I returned home I was still lonely. I’m do glad one scripture stated “this poor man cried and the Lord delivered him out of all hid troubles” Thank God I ran up on thus great Website and thank you author, ,,,,,, good info.

    1. Mate, It can come back, It’s depressing. This life just aint for singles. I hate being single.

  4. first of all, Jesus was the perfect son of God and enjoyed perfect communion with the Father. Secondly, my loneliness doesn’t magically disappear when I focus on spending time with God. I do my devotions and serve and try to fellowship with God, but I wasn’t gifted with the ability to be single and content. I have the desire for a partner, but I’ve been single for many years now and there’s nothing I can do to make it happen. I pray for someone, I put myself in situations where I’m mingling with Christians and serving, it just never happens. And all I get is the same pat answers from well meaning Christians that I just need to get closer to God and everything will just magically get better. Well it doesn’t, the dull ache still remains and there’s no end in sight. I’m still going to volunteer and I enjoy doing missions trips to Mexico, but I know from experience that there still will be many painful and lonely times ahead, and I’ve pretty much resigned myself to a life alone and dying alone.

    1. Trevor, You have put my thoughts, actions, and feeling–stated them so well–This is just how I feel about this subject. I’m divorced–very bitter one–he had been committing adultery with the neighbor’s, and other acquaintances through the years we were married. I was fooled so badly, because I trusted. But living this life was not ok any longer for me. I’ve done all the things you have done, and so too the dull ache remains. And even the betrayal of so called Christian people, it’s gets to be more than a person can handle…although God promises to not give you more than you are able to handle. It is a constant prayer of mine that God will allow a breakthrough on this, as I pray for you also for a breakthrough. God Bless—God loves us.

    2. To Trevor. I feel the same way. ..I think its biblical and a desire from God to want companionship/a spouse. God himself allowed Adam to realize there was something missing, and then he created Eve. ..God himself gave the reason for creating her by saying, its NOT good for man to be alone…ALONE! Adam had God, why would he need a partner? He wasn’t alone. so why?… I don’t know that answer, other than: God said so.
      But with that said, God is the only one who can fulfill the new and right desires he places inside us. So lets trust in Him as single men and pursue the kingdom of God. For God also says, seek first the kingdom of God. Lets devote our lives to Jesus, no matter what. Single or married, till the day we die. If we die alone, then so be it! In Ecclesiastes, the writer says, its a gift from God to accept your lot in life. Ecc 5:18 “Even so, I have noticed one thing, at least, that is good. It is good for people to eat, drink, and enjoy their work under the sun during the short life God has given them, and to accept their lot in life.”

      Lets enjoy singleness and enjoy serving our great King and savior Jesus, and be thankful for what he has given us in our short miserable lives. Even if I end up alone my entire life, I want to make the choice: to live well and die well, regardless of what God brings my way, in pleasure or pain. Friendship, or loneliness.

      I hope this encourages you Trevor.

  5. I enjoyed this blog but want to ask is you distinguish “single” from “divorced”? I was intrigued to read how singles are not encumbered by a spouse, so it makes them equipped in such a way that serves God with an ease that married people do not have. I wonder if this speaks to the divorced person who may be raising children alone? What about single women and their ability to serve God and others? Is it somewhat more difficult for single women, as opposed to single men, to serve? I do not read of in the Bible of the single women that served, but I believe I have read of woman going alongside the men who serve.
    I am glad there is blog such as yours that engages the audience to think about singles and serving God. It seems the culture, for the most part, caters to couples and families. We should not overlook the single people serving, many times unnoticed by others. Thank you.

  6. Well for many of us good men today that are still single which is very depressing when you have no woman to share your life with, and unfortunately it is the women of today that are totally different from the past which makes love very difficult to find for us men still looking as i speak. Since most women today want men with money which has a lot to do with it as well since they will only want the very best of all and will never settle for less either, and with most women nowadays being so very greedy, spoiled, selfish, and very picky which tells the whole true story right there to begin with.

  7. Yes Brother my name is Tim and I wept as every word you said has been my own experience. Im now 62 and alone in this small home. I once was strong and confident and had all life ahead of me. I dated and had some girlfriends went to the university for education and met many people. The girlfriends took total advantage of me and treated me like a wimp for my kind generosity, nothing ever worked out in spite of all prayers. I love my Lord Jesus and honor God, yet there is that bitter feeling I can not totally eliminate. Our society keeps getting worse so I gave up. I do not do christian dating as it was a disaster. It’s NOT a pity party it is my life.

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