Advice Archives — Page 2 of 4

Seeking Your Perfect Match?

The Perfect Match?

In today’s advice column, Pastor Jim discusses the notion of finding “The Perfect Match”

As I interact with single adults, it quickly surfaces that there are many who have too high expectations for a match, or many who have very low standards. A great myth that keeps many dating sites profitable is the belief that if one searches long enough they will find the perfect match. This approach reminds me of the saying about finding a perfect church, if you find one DO NOT JOIN for it will no longer be perfect! This is certainly true when it comes to finding the perfect match in a relationship.

Online Dating First Message: What to Write (and Not Write)

The first message when online dating.

You’ve signed up with an online dating site, and you’ve found someone that you’re interested in. Instead of sitting back and waiting for them to contact you (no, really, make the first move!), you start to craft your first message to them.

First off, you want to make it easy for them to respond. Secondly, you want to capture their attention, so they actually do respond. Finally, you want to make yourself seem likable, so they want to write back.

So, what should your first message consist of (and not consist of)? We’ve got some tips for you to help your chances of getting a response.

Relationship Advice: Ask Questions!

Asking Questions vs Making Statements

Is there correlation between questions and good relationships?

Dr. Jim explores the topic of making statements versus asking questions – and how that can affect human dynamics, especially in relationships. We’re thinking this can be applied well when conversing with other singles on online dating sites, when on actual dates, and – of course – in dedicated relationships.

No Response to Messages?

Online Dating: No Response to Emails

Dr. Jim discusses writing messages, responding to messages, and the expectations involved – when using online dating sites.

DEAR JIM: WHY DOES NO ONE WRITE?

You have gotten up your courage to finally reach out to make friends. With excitement, you view the numerous people that you see on the Cafe and find several whom you feel an attraction to for one reason or another. You think and think and think and then finally compose some words of greeting to one or more of these and slowly hit the ‘SEND EMAIL’ button.

Now you’re done! You are out there and you feel excited, scared and your mind begins to race as you wonder about the reply.

Should a Christian Woman Let a Man Know She’s Interested?

show-interested

Dr. Jim tackles the question of whether a Christian woman should let a man know that she is interested in him.

DEAR JIM: SHOULD A WOMAN LET A MAN KNOW SHE IS INTERESTED?

This is not a Biblical question, but allow me to share some thoughts.

Cultures dictate how men and women relate to one another. Social interactions in our societies have changed in recent years and the distinction between men and women has become confused.

A recent email asked the question regarding is it okay to show an interest in a man. Some men would love it, others be taken back by it. Confusing times for all!

First Date Tips: Managing Expectations and Staying Safe

First Date Tips

DEAR JIM: ARE THERE GENERAL GUIDELINES FOR SCREENING PEOPLE THAT PERHAPS I CAN USE IN THE FUTURE TO AVOID THE BAD EXPERIENCE I HAD?

You are one of many who have written to me with a similar question. Yes, I do believe that some guidelines SHOULD be created (called boundaries) as you approach any relationship – especially over the Internet.

Christian, Lonely and Single?

Christian? Single? Lonely? Pastor Jim outlines how to overcome being lonely as a single Christian.

Are you lonesome tonight? I can hear Elvis Presley singing this song as he expressed how much he was missing his love. In my mind I can see thousands of single adults howling along with Elvis as they express the loneliness in their lives. Coyotes would have to take a second seat to this choir’s rendition.

Loneliness is a plague for many single adults. It visits them at strange times and in strange locations. They may be in a room filled with people and yet the ache of loneliness hits them like a ton of bricks. Perhaps it is at night when they are finished with the day’s activities and have nothing to focus on but their thoughts. Loneliness makes one feel depressed and can become an unhealthy force if not addressed.

Cohabitation: Why You Should Not

Have you thought about cohabitation? Are you doing so to ‘test it out’ to see if marriage will work? Are you doing it to save on rent? A few months ago we posted some advice from Pastor Jim regarding living together before marriage where he lists many reasons why cohabitation is not a good idea – for both Christians and non-Christians.

Online Dating is Like Shopping?

shopping online dating Pastor Jim discusses the “shopping” mentality of dating – and online dating. Are you doing this?

The shopping experience

Most of those who read my articles are in North America or a very modern culture. Life has become very easy for so many of us with so many choices at our fingertips.

A few years ago some friends from Switzerland came to visit me in California. We had never met before and decided to have dinner at our first meeting. The greetings were super as we enjoyed finally getting to meet each other in person. The waiter came to take the order and I received an education!

How to Start Dating Again: Tips for Christian Women

Dr. Jim provides some pointers on how to start dating again – after a break up. This post is written for women, but can be reversed to apply for men.

DEAR JIM: HOW DO I START DATING AGAIN?

Times have changed, but values have not! I am afraid that you will find more men with less good manners and more into themselves.