Kissing and cuddling while in a Christian dating relationship, Pastor Jim shares his thoughts about physical contact while dating. What are your thoughts? Do you agree? Give this advice piece a read and let us know your thoughts in the comments below!
Aside: We have more than a few testimonials (including Carolyn and Marty – “Our first kiss was at the altar” – and Veronique and Thomas – “And, yes, that [wedding] day we exchanged our very first kiss on the lips”) of couples who waited until their wedding day to have their first kiss.
Dr. Jim provides advice on healing a broken heart, with a discussion that includes why some singles seem to remain single – and the steps to take (and not take) to regain emotional balance in your life.
Single adults realize quickly that dating involves taking risks. It is a challenging process to find ‘someone’. Perhaps it is even more challenging when that one does not turn out to be ‘the one’ and the relationship ends. The emotional turmoil that follows is often painful. How one goes about dealing with this brokenness is essential to future healthy relationships.
In today’s advice column, Pastor Jim discusses the notion of finding “The Perfect Match”
As I interact with single adults, it quickly surfaces that there are many who have too high expectations for a match, or many who have very low standards. A great myth that keeps many dating sites profitable is the belief that if one searches long enough they will find the perfect match. This approach reminds me of the saying about finding a perfect church, if you find one DO NOT JOIN for it will no longer be perfect! This is certainly true when it comes to finding the perfect match in a relationship.
You’ve signed up with an online dating site, and you’ve found someone that you’re interested in. Instead of sitting back and waiting for them to contact you (no, really, make the first move!), you start to craft your first message to them.
First off, you want to make it easy for them to respond. Secondly, you want to capture their attention, so they actually do respond. Finally, you want to make yourself seem likable, so they want to write back.
So, what should your first message consist of (and not consist of)? We’ve got some tips for you to help your chances of getting a response.
Is there correlation between questions and good relationships?
Dr. Jim explores the topic of making statements versus asking questions – and how that can affect human dynamics, especially in relationships. We’re thinking this can be applied well when conversing with other singles on online dating sites, when on actual dates, and – of course – in dedicated relationships.
If you have lived very long on this earth, you have had to deal with a broken trust. This is even truer for most single adults. A trust has been extended, sometimes for years, only to find that they were taken advantage of and the other person usually broke their trust more than once. How does one find a way to trust again?
Dr. Jim talks about your outward appearance when trying to meet other people (i.e. smile!) — Remember this in your dating site photos as well — show yourself in a positive light!
The face is the primary vehicle for non-verbal communication
The face is an interesting aspect of our physical appearance. Think for one moment what it would be like to try to know someone else without being able to see his or her face. It is the primary vehicle for non-verbal communication. The position squint of the eyes, the turn of the mouth, the wrinkling of the forehead can make a big difference in understanding the spirit behind the actual words.
What do people see in your face? Let’s say you are walking around the office, out with friends or family, or in a singles gathering – is there a communication getting there before ‘you are?’
The expression ‘poker face’ comes to mind. This is the term used to define someone who does not show their emotions, or the normal emotional response, in their facial expressions.
Life can be very challenging at times and really get us down. When we are ‘focused’ on our problems, too often we walk around wearing a frown or looking downtrodden.
Dr. Jim discusses writing messages, responding to messages, and the expectations involved – when using online dating sites.
DEAR JIM: WHY DOES NO ONE WRITE?
You have gotten up your courage to finally reach out to make friends. With excitement, you view the numerous people that you see on the Cafe and find several whom you feel an attraction to for one reason or another. You think and think and think and then finally compose some words of greeting to one or more of these and slowly hit the ‘SEND EMAIL’ button.
Now you’re done! You are out there and you feel excited, scared and your mind begins to race as you wonder about the reply.