Kissing and cuddling while in a Christian dating relationship, Pastor Jim shares his thoughts about physical contact while dating. What are your thoughts? Do you agree? Give this advice piece a read and let us know your thoughts in the comments below!
Aside: We have more than a few testimonials (including Carolyn and Marty – “Our first kiss was at the altar” – and Veronique and Thomas – “And, yes, that [wedding] day we exchanged our very first kiss on the lips”) of couples who waited until their wedding day to have their first kiss.
KISSING & CUDDLING: A SIN?
Today I received an email asking whether or not kissing and cuddling are considered a sin. There is nothing sinful about the activity of kissing or cuddling, depending upon the definition one gives to these words. When is it okay and when is it something that becomes unhealthy?
Define what it means
The first place to begin in considering this type of interaction is with the couple involved. Each of them needs to define what it means to them. A kiss may be seen as a caring gesture and not have a sexual connotation to one, while the other person may be stimulated into sexual thoughts and response just by thinking about it. The topic is one that needs to be openly discussed and mutual acceptance of a definition that works for each of them.
I am reminded of my definition for sex: any activity that has as its intent or develops into a sexual stimulation is sex. It does not require physical contact or even presence. Men appear to be more easily stimulated than most women. However, it appears that in today’s society that distinction is changing.
If it leads toward…
If a kiss leads either party toward stimulation of a sexual nature, I would urge you to back away from that activity as singles. I did not say it was not fun. The world says that if it feels good, do it! There are many books and movies written about people who made a choice to follow pleasure in lieu of wisdom. I invite you to read the story of David, Samson, and even Solomon in the Bible and see what price they paid for pursuit of pleasure.
As for cuddling, this can be harmless but the physical contact involved presents vulnerability and it’s so easy to take the next step. A hand brushed across an area easily stimulated can quickly result in a bursting passion that commands to be fed. If you think this is an exaggeration, consider the fact that 1 in every 5 adults and teenagers in the US have a sexual disease or STD. This fact is supported on the Center for Disease Control web site. Someone has not used good sense to allow it to grow to this proportion. It is Christian and non-Christian alike that are in this group. I am not about laying a guilt trip but in openly sharing the truth to save unnecessary heartache and bodily harm.
Think about the power lying dormant
Am I recommending that singles do not touch each other in dating? No, I am not promoting this but do wish that more would think about the power lying dormant when one practices kissing and cuddling without thought. There is much to be said for holding hands and allowing other forms of physical interaction to wait.
My own experience and advice on the topic of kissing in a Christian dating relationship. What about physical contact?
I can speak from personal experience in the “pleasure” of waiting. Pam and I decided to not kiss the first few months of our dating. I think that it served as an awesome part of our early bonding. We focused on the total person rather than a part of the anatomy or personal satisfaction. It was not easy but let me tell you that first kiss… was out of this world.
Slow and steady
My encouragement is to not be focused on kissing and cuddling but to be open and aware of the total person you are experiencing. Building relationships is not a hit and run proposition. Go for the slow, steady, deep pace and the pleasure and enjoyment will be so much more.