When a relationship is going nowhere and/or what to do with a troubled relationship? Here are some good points about how to deal with stressful times and to rely on God for guidance.
Dear Jim: My relationship is not going anywhere – what should I do?
Relationship challenges come in all sorts of packages. For some it is how do I find one? For others, it is what do I do with the one that I am in??? I receive emails from those who have been dating for sometime and it does not seem to be going anywhere. They genuinely love/care for the other person, but nothing has seemed to move it to the desired marriage.
What should you be looking for.
I am very glad that they are asking and not just running off to chase some fantasized dream. It always serves one well to understand the dynamics that are taking place – or not taking place. Here are some points to ponder if you find yourself in this situation:
- Practice your communication skills and bring up your concern/frustration with the other person. It could be something as simple as not understanding each other’s needs and expectations.
If you are not able to resolve it one on one, discuss seeking out a good Christian counsellor to guide you to find the blockage. You should approach this as a learning and releasing exercise. You have the chance for one or both of you to discover something that is keeping you from embracing all that you can enjoy and then releasing you to new fulfillments.
- Sometimes the reason for the relationship not moving forward is clear to you – but you had rather not accept the reason. One case of this could be that you are not spiritually compatible. Often one writing to me states that a strong spiritual life is important to them, but their future spouse drags their feet or seldom participates in any spiritual activity with them. I am suggesting that you really know this is the problem and that you should move on (after a period of time to confirm this).
- Too often people do not get out of a relationship because they fear that they will not be able to find another. I look at this reason as a self-imposed trap. It is certainly not a healthy basis upon which you should continue dating. If you think that it is difficult now, just consider that the marriage under these circumstances would be many times worse in most cases.
- Give the relationship that you are in a chance to mature. Every ‘real’ relationship has to work through challenges. However, if you have done so over an extended period of time and do not find a healthy resolution, then I suggest you should consider moving on. Do not let the fear of not finding another dictate poor choices for your life. (I realize that what would be a ‘extended period of time’ for one is different for another. I can see the emails coming in asking, ‘what is a proper extended period of time?’ There is no set time frame, but for a serious one, I would say that 6 months to a year is one to consider.)
In another blog we have talked about: the relationship was going great, but….
Why does God allow my pain and frustration?
So often in life we have to walk by faith. God ‘allows’ these times to work out great things in us. Encourage you to read James 1:2-6 to see how God uses challenges in our lives for His and our good.
He has a plan for your life according to Jeremiah 29:11 to give you a future and a hope. Trust Him in ‘all’ areas of your life – especially in relationships. After all, He created relationships and knows what really works best for us.
Embrace the future and walk in faith toward what He desires to share with you.