Advice For Single Christian Women: What’s wrong with men?

What's Wrong With Men
What’s wrong with men? Dr. Jim explains how to avoid future hurtful feelings when meeting Christian men online. Beware of false expectations at the beginning of an online relationship. We should never let our guard down and keep safety as our first priority when connecting with other singles via a dating website.


What’s wrong with Christian men?

You might ask: What’s wrong with men?  This question, or one similar to it, has been asked often in emails to me. Wow – does it open up a big subject. I have not received one from Christian men asking what is wrong with Christian women – but suspect I will soon.

After the question is posed, the writer usually proceeds to share something like this. They met someone and hit it off extremely well for a period of time. Then for some reason that they cannot understand, the man moved on to strike up a relationship with someone else. This caused great pain for the first woman and a lot of confusion. Allow me to write some thoughts that all should understand and consider:

  • Remember that developing a relationship is a ‘process’. The rapport that develops in the initial stages of a ‘romance’ can certainly be exciting – but are just that – the initial stages.
  • Too often expectations get way ahead of reality! Both parties usually contribute to this by speaking in endearing ways in the initial stages of the contacts that set up false expectations. It would serve all involved very well to NOT let your needs/desires get ahead of the actual process. Refrain from saying “I love you” or any other endearing words until you are well along in the relationship process (several months most likely). Dating over the Internet seems to expedite the endearing process before the parties even meet.
  • No matter what your “man” is saying or how he says it, he is in the “hunt”. Often he does not mean to do anything that will cause you pain, but until he says “I do” – do not consider him yours. Being in the “hunt” does not allow a man to “use” a woman or her emotions!
  • Enjoy making friendships and allow time to reveal all factors.
  • If he (or she) moves on, understand the grieving process that you must go through. Do not begin a new relationship until you are THROUGH this grieving process and able to accept it.
  • Guard your heart and do not think that just because you have met someone who “sounds” good, who may even “look” good, to cause you to drop your guard. Safety is the first priority for all. Always keep in mind the qualities that make a strong relationship and allow time to prove that this is the mate you and God want you to have.

Developing a relationship is a ‘process’

Our previous blog about the same subject: The relationship was going great, but then…

Again: What’s wrong with men?

I am sure that there are men on the Internet who have the sole motivation to use women for their own self-serving interests. There are others who do not mean to cause others pain, but do so out of the pain or impulsiveness in their own lives. Not easy words to hear/say, but if someone is not committed to building a relationship and moves on, it is really a blessing in disguise. It would not have been a healthy relationship and God likely knows that deeper pain would have been yours had the relationship continued.

God has plans for you! Read Jeremiah 29:11 and Philippians 4:4-9.

Dr. Jim

Guard your heart

Some suggested books for you to read:
Men Are Like Waffles – Women Are Like Spaghetti, by Bill Farrel
His Needs, Her Needs, by Willard Harley, Jr.

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5 comments on “Advice For Single Christian Women: What’s wrong with men?Add yours →

  1. It’s really hard to keep a relationship in the “friendship” stage, especially if affection is taking place. For the man, “a kiss is just a kiss”, as in the old song, but for the woman a kiss means much more – it’s giving part of her heart away.

  2. What’s wrong with men? For me, I have to ask what is wrong with women? Dr.’s and leaders keep telling you to quart your hearts but what you need to do is take a risk and let us in. You have built up giant walls that are impossible to climb and I personally am discouraged because of that. Let your yes be yes and your no be no, if I guy asks you for coffee maybe don’t ignore him after that.. And if you aren’t all that interested then please don’t show interest because we also get hurt when you just suddenly stop communicating after we ask you for coffee.. Stop playing games Christian women.. I am in intentional man and we both know the end goal so you even showing interest is messing with my heart and setting me up to be hurt later if your just playing games.. Be intentional. Take a risk and remember Psalm 139. All of your days are written in a book and if you get hurt because a guy decided he isn’t interested, GET OVER IT and move on God didn’t have him in your plan..

    The End

    Discouraged guy.

  3. TO DR. JIM, I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR MORE ABOUT THIS “WHAT’S WRONG WITH CHRISTIAN MEN? I WAS AT CHURCH ONE SUNDAY MORNING AND I HEARD A LITTLE GIRL ASK HER BROTHER, “WHY DO ALL THESE SONGS WE SING HAVE THE WORD “AMEN” AFTER THEM ALL?” WELL THE SPEAKER WHEN HE GOT UP TO SPEAK HAD SOMETING TO COMMENT ABOUT THIS. HE SAID AT ANY CHURCH AT ALL, HAVE YOU EVERY SEEN A HERBOOK? THESE ARE ALWAYS HYMNS THAT WE SING, NOT HERS.
    SO TELL ME DR JIM WHO IS BETTER, CHRISTIAN MEN OR CHRISTIAN WOMEN? AND HAVE YOU EVER HEARD THIS BEFORE? TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT WHAT I HAD JUST SAID.

  4. The question on the topic is assuming “what’s wrong with Christian men” is abit prejudice. I’m rather disappointed that you automatically assume there’s something wrong with Christian men. Due to this, now women will have this penetrated into their thought. So what happens from here? They meet somebody and automatically they spot something wrong and obsess over it.

    I will tell you what’s wrong with Christian dating, not with a specific gender. Men want to meet women, but women do not make themselves available at church, church events, after church service. They are expecting God to hand pick and think there is “only one”, or the “the one”. Rick Warren actually shows that idea is flawed. There are many men that can be “the one”.

    Men usually move on because they see how women react and sometimes it’s better not to express how they feel or see things because they read on how the women perceives thing. For example : they might not what to make her cry if they comment or express their feelings. A woman will want to hear what they have to say but that leads to arguments and emotional outbursts from women. Men can tolerate much, but too many restrictions, jealousy , and controlling attributes lead to a man moving on.

    I would suggest you get with the times , it is 2018. This is a problem with the church that has never been addressed. Singles are not acknowledged and other singles don’t make them selves available, don’t pursue anyone or don’t have a social interaction with other male/female genders.

  5. Hang on there buddy. Don’t you dare turn this into a battle of the sexes thing. We could just as easily make this a “what’s wrong with women” thread. As a man I’ve had the exact same thing happen to me, with a woman going for someone else after a promising start. I also resent the implication that every man is always on the hunt. That is simply not true. Don’t make today’s state of dating any worse than it is by making such inflammatory, one-size-fits-all statements.

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