What’s wrong with men? Dr. Jim explains how to avoid future hurtful feelings when meeting Christian men online. Beware of false expectations at the beginning of an online relationship. We should never let our guard down and keep safety as our first priority when connecting with other singles via a dating website.
What’s wrong with Christian men?
You might ask: What’s wrong with men? This question, or one similar to it, has been asked often in emails to me. Wow – does it open up a big subject. I have not received one from Christian men asking what is wrong with Christian women – but suspect I will soon.
After the question is posed, the writer usually proceeds to share something like this. They met someone and hit it off extremely well for a period of time. Then for some reason that they cannot understand, the man moved on to strike up a relationship with someone else. This caused great pain for the first woman and a lot of confusion. Allow me to write some thoughts that all should understand and consider:
- Remember that developing a relationship is a ‘process’. The rapport that develops in the initial stages of a ‘romance’ can certainly be exciting – but are just that – the initial stages.
- Too often expectations get way ahead of reality! Both parties usually contribute to this by speaking in endearing ways in the initial stages of the contacts that set up false expectations. It would serve all involved very well to NOT let your needs/desires get ahead of the actual process. Refrain from saying “I love you” or any other endearing words until you are well along in the relationship process (several months most likely). Dating over the Internet seems to expedite the endearing process before the parties even meet.
- No matter what your “man” is saying or how he says it, he is in the “hunt”. Often he does not mean to do anything that will cause you pain, but until he says “I do” – do not consider him yours. Being in the “hunt” does not allow a man to “use” a woman or her emotions!
- Enjoy making friendships and allow time to reveal all factors.
- If he (or she) moves on, understand the grieving process that you must go through. Do not begin a new relationship until you are THROUGH this grieving process and able to accept it.
- Guard your heart and do not think that just because you have met someone who “sounds” good, who may even “look” good, to cause you to drop your guard. Safety is the first priority for all. Always keep in mind the qualities that make a strong relationship and allow time to prove that this is the mate you and God want you to have.
“Developing a relationship is a ‘process’“
Our previous blog about the same subject: The relationship was going great, but then…
Again: What’s wrong with men?
I am sure that there are men on the Internet who have the sole motivation to use women for their own self-serving interests. There are others who do not mean to cause others pain, but do so out of the pain or impulsiveness in their own lives. Not easy words to hear/say, but if someone is not committed to building a relationship and moves on, it is really a blessing in disguise. It would not have been a healthy relationship and God likely knows that deeper pain would have been yours had the relationship continued.
God has plans for you! Read Jeremiah 29:11 and Philippians 4:4-9.
“Guard your heart“
Some suggested books for you to read:
Men Are Like Waffles – Women Are Like Spaghetti, by Bill Farrel
His Needs, Her Needs, by Willard Harley, Jr.