Filling The Void Of Singleness

Pastor Jim provides advice for Christian singles about allowing God to fill the voids in our life.

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Most of life is about filling one form of void or another. It is the void, or perception of a void, that becomes a driving force in our lives. God created us with a void intentionally. If he had made us perfect we would be robots and not have any choices.

The primary void that God created in us is the need for a relationship. His primary intention in doing so was to create the need to relate to him.

However, he intentionally created this need so that we would need and want to create with others too. This fact can be quickly illustrated by referring to Adam and Eve. Was it not the “void” in her life that allowed Satan to entice her to sin?

Identifying and Understanding the Void

There is another way of stating the void. When we believe that we are missing something, something that should rightfully be ours, we will automatically swing into action to obtain it.

What void(s) do you perceive in your life?
How are you going about to fill them?

It is the choices we make to fill the void that makes or breaks us.

This is the laboratory of character. The choice in filling a void lies in whether or not we approach it in a healthy way or with an obsession.

This shows up in big ways as I work with single adults. It begins usually in one area of their life and then spreads to other areas. The desire for a relationship can cause one to see the world differently, and not necessarily in a healthy way. This desire spreads to making them not feel adequate, or not satisfied with who they are. Shopping for new clothes, new cars, new homes, new jobs, new…, occupies their waking thoughts. It will even lead some to take extreme measures such as change their names or have surgery to change some features. (There are good reasons for some surgeries but too many are done out of filling a void.)

Creating the Change From Within

The first place to begin when you realize that you are attempting to fill a void is within. The external changes have little or no effect on the inner conditions of our spirits and emotions nor on the results we seek. Until one comes to the point of accepting her or him just as they are, there is little that can be done to adequately fill a void. God is all about changing from within. He created these needs in our lives and he knows how to fill them. To do otherwise is like pouring money and effort into a sinkhole – it never fills up.

The apostle Paul knew this when he wrote in Philippians 4:11-13 “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”

Filling the Void of Singleness

How about relationships? How does one fill the void that comes when they are not in a relationship?
Here is a truth about relationships that appears a mystery to many. God does not impose his will over ours. We cannot impose our will over another. To me this means that we cannot set out to make someone else like or love us. What we can do is set out to make ourselves lovable! This comes from within and is not limited by external forces or conditions.

I invite you to re-read Biblical stories that are about relationships. They are stories of impossibilities: Ruth, Jacob, Abraham, Mary, and others.

Will you find a mate one of these days? I do not know. I can say that for many it would be better off if they do not. The reason behind my saying this is that for many being married to the wrong person will create a hell they do not need to experience. Wait on God.

I would encourage you as you seek a mate, or any void in your life, that you do so from the inside out. Do not be led into false perceptions by the media, movies, or others.

Seek God’s blessing and presence in your life to propel you toward your destiny.

There is a prayer that I pray everyday that I invite you to embrace. It comes out of Deuteronomy 28: “Lord, make me the head and not the tail, the lender and not the borrower, above only and not beneath.” I believe this promise of His, as I am faithful to Him. To expect God to bless us when we are not obedient is the definition of a fool.

Purpose and then set into motion to become the most lovable, sharing, valuable asset to those around you. Do so out of a heart of giving and not for the purpose of receiving.

LIVE God’s principles and then expect him to fill the voids of your life in ways you cannot even begin to dream.

The supernatural forces of this world are real. You need to choose this moment that God is the supreme in your life and it is in him and him alone you must seek to fill your voids.
He is so faithful to honor this as I can personally vouch.

Identify the voids that are driving your behavior, attitude, and expectations. Move to a healthy way of dealing with them and then expect good things to happen.

Pastor Jim

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