When singles let the physical get in the way while searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right. What should single Christian men and women do to avoid falling into the physical trap? Some dating advice from Dr. Jim. Read on!
Dear Jim: Who’s on this road anyway????
An email was received from a very frustrated woman this week. She shared how she has really been improving in her life and is in transition, but finds that this turns men off as she put it. She is a divorced woman with child and says that this is a negative too. According to the matches, she is closely matched to several men, but none of them wish to pursue getting to know her.
She closes by stating that she finds men on her Christian dating sites to be ‘carnal’ and more interested in the physical.
This is not an unusual email to receive. It is very frustrating indeed. How can I provide some advice and counsel for this?
MEN:
1. I understand the attraction to the physical side for a man, but are you really being that successful if you are leading with this? Wonder why you keep going around in a cycle and not getting anywhere and all your relationships are shallow?
2. Love is not a feeling and you cannot tell with simply a picture or a few words whether or not you have a real jewel on the other end or not.
3. There is nothing that says you have to be attracted to every woman. That would be preposterous. However, you need to consider that what you do (or do not do) and say (or do not say) makes an impact on another life.
4. Consider sending back a reply to each email received, thanking them for the contact and you will consider whether or not God wants you to pursue. However, you do want to affirm them as a Sister-in-Christ and pray that God will continue to guide and bless them. This ‘anointing’ will go a long ways and I suggest will return to you many times!
WOMEN:
1. A scripture comes to mind that I think we can apply to this. Matthew 7:14 ‘Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leads unto life, and few there be that find it.’
2. I do not wish to discourage you, but simply point out the fact that as you chose to allow God to lead you and follow His principles for your life, you are choosing a narrow path. EVEN on a Christian dating site, the odds of there being a lot of men who are ‘worthy’ of this walk with you are few.
3. You are seeking the BEST – I hope. In so doing you are not settling and need to realize that when you raise your standards, the number decreases.
I can see those emails headed my way! Yes, the opposite is true too I fear. I also receive emails from many Christian men sharing how they are having difficulty finding woman of quality. While I know this is more common for women, the same words apply to women who are not seeking God in leading them to find a mate.
Champions are those who do not settle! God is our champion and wants you to champion over your circumstance too. If you keep your eyes on mankind, you will crash and often be frustrated. However, IF you will keep your eyes and hopes on God, you will not be disappointed and enjoy the journey as well as the destination!
Blessings,
Jim
Babies are cute, to create a parental bond. Once the cute-ness is gone, the bond remains. I can’t pull a scripture to support it, but still believe this was designed by our Creator.
Erotic attraction serves the same function. It creates a bond. (This is one of the many reasons we are advised not to fornicate; an undeniable yet inappropriate bond is formed, leading only to catastrophe.) The erotic attraction recedes due to age and perhaps familiarity, but leaves in it’s place a bond and connection far more powerful. A connection which I believe is the true reason for God’s gift of intercourse.
I pity the people who marry for attraction. They are spiritually bound to a personality they do not appreciate. A bond which can never be severed even by creating emotional or physical distance.
I also pity the people who marry without attraction. I’m pretty sure they can never completely give of themselves, since they never appreciate their partner.
I want them both. Which is largely why I’m still single at 42. But I do OK living alone, and I’d rather have neither than one.
I agree with what Montana D says, but it begs the question would the person you are getting to know would have been physically attracted to you at a much younger age and vice versa? That is why I carry a photo ID when I went to Cal State Fresno in 1990.