Choosing the right criteria for a soulmate

Choosing right criteria for a soulmate?

Christians singles, who are looking or searching dating websites for a soulmate, should be able to look at themselves first, and find the kind of person they are looking for and the qualities that are most valued in a relationship, before trying to meet someone online.

Dear Jim: Why won’t people face who they really are?

The email is still in my inbox with this question. It is not an unusual one as I often receive emails with similar questions. This person went on to state that most singles that she meets are caught up in the physical side of a relationship and do not seem to care about the numerous other things that make a relationship compatible. I must state that my experience relating to single adults reveals the same fact.

A person who is interested in dating and finding a great partner for a mate must not focus solely on the physical aspects of a relationship. Notice that I did not say that the physical aspects should not be considered. Everyone has likes and dislikes, especially when it comes to the physical. Tastes vary and this equally applies to men and to women. It is just as wrong to think that the physical elements should not apply in a relationship. I suggest that all likes and dislikes need to be brought into a healthy balance.

What to do

What criteria do you use when relating to others who may be a potential mate? Have you thought about it? Can you take out a piece of paper right now and write down what your criteria are? I encourage you to do so.

Take another piece of paper and list all the different qualities that a solid relationship should possess. Perhaps you could put them into categories like – physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, social, personality temperament, etc. It takes a LOT to develop a strong, mutual relationship.

Luke 6:37 ‘Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven’. Another way of stating this is – what you set as criteria will be the criteria others use on you!

Do not put the paper away yet. Now write down the qualities that you bring to a relationship – your strengths and your weaknesses. This is a humbling experience for many of us. Yet, if we are not able to accept and acknowledge who we ‘really are’, we are not ready to date. Share this list with God and your accountability group. Ask for guidance in where you need to spend time growing as you become all that you and God want you to be. While there is no doubt that you possess some wonderful qualities, you join the rest of us in being human too.

Keep this in mind as you relate to others.

For those dating or looking for ‘the One’.

My advice to those who are dating and desiring to find a mate is to not allow your internal drives to write your criteria. There are a number of excellent books available that provide thoughts in how to approach healthy dating.

Lift up your head and your heart and ask God for His guidance as you relate to others. You might miss the one He desires for you if you use the wrong criteria.

Dr. Jim

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