Is our perfect match chosen by God? What should we expect to feel when we start dating a potential “soulmate”? Dr. Jim gives us some insight into what we should expect from “the one” (assuming their is just one).
The phrase ‘soulmate’ is often included in an email from a single, or I am asked if there is such a thing as a soulmate. The Bible does not discuss this concept but it certainly is used a lot among singles.
There is a desire to find someone who is a ‘perfect’ match. Although this is but a thought, it really surfaces when they meet someone who appears to meet all their expectations. The other person says the right things, likes the same things as they do, and just seems to know exactly what to do to please them. The feeling is so overwhelming and it seems like a divine appointment. Is this really a match made in heaven?
Attraction and the “click” after meeting a soulmate.
There are times in life when we suddenly find another person and it just ‘clicks’. Sparks in a relationship, is it real? The attraction is there and the initial compatibility is awesome. The relationship is off to a great start and expectations begin to build. At the very best, this is a wonderful fantasy period and there is nothing wrong with enjoying it. The challenge is to keep it in perspective and not move too quickly. Every relationship needs to spend time to grow at a healthy pace. Too often what appears unbelievably positive at the beginning proves to be highly undesirable a few months later. Every relationship has to work through a process to be complete. You will either work on this before you marry or after – but you will work on it. Guess which time is best?
Should I expect cannons bursting in the air?
While some may find someone that they think is their match, most of us do not have this experience when we meet others. I suggest that it is unhealthy to expect cannons bursting in air and a super attraction to automatically be present to PROVE that they have met their soulmate. (Previous blog post about Chemistry). Most relationships that prove to be deeply loving and fulfilling come out of friendships that develop over time into a relationship. I do not have any facts to support this, but I have strong reason to believe there are many marriages where they were not initially attracted to the person but that feeling developed over time. I know of some who could not stand each other initially but it later proved to be a highly successful relationship.
The point: do not sit around limiting yourself to those with whom you believe are you soul mate. It is great if it happens and works out to be a super relationship. However, enjoy those around you and spend your time and focus building great friendships.
A match made in heaven – or not?
I close with a deeper thought. Does God predestine each of us to whom we will marry? While it is true that God cares for every element in our lives and knows ahead of time what choices we will make, I find no scripture that states He selects our matches for us. Are there times when He does? Perhaps, but my experience reveals that He is more interested in us inviting Him into every process we undertake in life so that He can guide us to the best choices. Do Opposites Attract?
Enjoy those around you now and allow the future to unfold with God’s guidance.