In this article Dr. Jim explains why you should not have sexual relations before marriage and how to achieve sexual compatibility. Sex is not everything in a marriage, but its satisfation grows over with time. This is a must read for Christian singles who are searching for an informative article about sex.
How can I be sure that I’ll have good sex after marriage? (Part 2)
Part 1 provided the fact that God intended for sex to be a vital part of marriage. It went on to give some guidance to those who do not desire or who are not able to have sexual relations after marriage.
I’d like to share some thoughts on how one can gain a strong understanding of potential sexual compatibility after marriage.
Sex before marriage.
Having sexual relations with another person before marriage is not only dangerous to the relationship and health of each other, it does not assure sexual compatibility. It only serves to prove animal instincts are present.
(Check out other blog post about this topic: Sex Before Marriage)
I am a strong believer in taking extended time to develop a relationship to build a strong foundation and assure compatibilities. When a couple arrives at the point of engagement, I equally propose that engagements not be an extended time. One of several items that should be confirmed during engagement is sexual compatibility.
How to achieve sexual compatibility.
I see two ways to achieve this:
- Without practicing any sexual activity, I suggest that a couple engaged to be married should discuss sexual appetites, etc. with each other. Such discussion can lead to sex so I also encourage each partner to have his or her own accountability system. Without foreplay, a couple can easily tell if there is a sexual appetite present that is compatible to their desires.
- A trained counsellor should be found early in the engagement. This counsellor should be asked to guide the couple through confirming the sexual compatibility of each partner. Life Innovations has an excellent premarital inventory that I use that includes sexual compatibility. The counsellor can surface past experiences, attitudes, etc. that may be a hindrance or a challenge in a marital relationship. They are trained to guide you through a healthy process to resolve these areas.
Sex is not everything in a marriage, but it is an extremely important one for most. The purpose of engagement and counselling is to provide a period of confirmation in a relationship as well as time to prepare for the marriage. If the compatibility is not present and the other person does not wish to address them, or is not able to make changes to realistically meet their mate’s needs, I suggest that you seek God’s guidance as to whether or not this is the right relationship for you.
Sex gets better the longer the couple is together.
The depth of sexual satisfaction grows over an extended time. Nearly every couple that I know that has been married over a number of years will tell you that sex gets better the longer the couple is together. While sex should be ‘good’ after one gets married, I suggest that sex will become ‘great’ after many years of a couple growing together and building up one another. It is far more than physical.
May God guide you to a deeper understanding in this area and grant you wisdom as you consider your future relationships.
Dr. Jim
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