How can I be sure I will have good sex after marriage? (Part 1)

sex after marriage part1

Christian singles struggle with the thought of knowing if their future spouse will be sexual compatible.  How do you find out if you’ll have a great sex life if you are not having sex before marriage? Dr. Jim explains what you should do and expect as a married person.

How can I be sure that I’ll have good sex after marriage? (Part 1)

The subject of sex is always a hot topic with single adults. Every article that I write on the subject is assured to have numerous responses. An often-received response asks how one can be assured that they will have a good sexual relationship after marriage, without having sex before. Good Christian men and women struggle with this question.

For those that have been married before, there is often a statement that sexual relations were not good in the previous marriage and they want to be extremely sure that it will be good in the next one. The writer ‘usually’ continues with some words to the affect that they realize that to have a sexual experience outside of marriage is not in keeping with God’s Word. How can they find out without sinning?

(Check out these blog posts relatated to the topic:

a) Sexual Compatibility (Part 2).

b) Living Together Before Marriage.

c) Sex before marriage.

Conditions that can impact the sexual capability of a person.

There are many conditions that impact a relationship that could also negatively impact the sexual capability of a person. Some might be:

  • A physical condition that does not allow sexual relations
  • Trauma from the past can block the ability to experience satisfactory sex
  • People differ in their sexual appetite
  • Ultra conservative religious teaching may play a role

God designed sex not only for procreation of mankind, but to bond a husband and wife at a very deep level. 1Cor. 7 provide clear instructions that their body belongs to each other in a marriage and ‘marital duty’ (sex) is not to be withheld, except for brief periods of time. One can correctly assume that God created and intended there to be healthy sexual relations in marriage.

What about those who do not wish to have sex after marriage, or are not able to do so?

If the reason for not desiring sex in marriage is an emotional or psychological one, the person should find a counsellor to guide them to unlock the blockage that is keeping them from enjoying what God intended to be positive.

If the reason is physical, I would recommend that the appropriate medical expertise be sought to confirm this condition and provide any possible remedies if appropriate.

If one views sexual activity as unclean or improper ‘in marriage’, I encourage them to seek the guidance of a pastor or counsellor that accepts God’s teachings on the sexual relationship between a husband and wife.

Any person that does not want or is not able to have sexual activities after marriage should be considerate and upfront with potential relationship partners. While it may not be something that one places into an online dating profile, it should be something that is discussed as soon as there appears to be mutual attraction. This is the loving and considerate thing to do.

I will discuss in Part 2 ways that one can use to gain a depth of assurance that their future mate is sexually compatible.

Dr. Jim

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3 comments on “How can I be sure I will have good sex after marriage? (Part 1)Add yours →

  1. This is the least of my worries… I am absolutely sure that when God finally brings my man into my life, he is someone who 1) finds me sexually attractive 2) appreciates my sexuality and is compatible.

    The most challenging part is just to meet someone.. in a peaceful, proper setting. A huge challenge for Christian singles. Church meetings are not always the best situations to meet and interact with members of the opposite sex. My prayer is for all singles to be led by the Spirit into ‘safe havens’, where we can meet one another in a God-honoring way.

    1. Thanks for the great input! It’s so true. When we keep God as our number one, everything else will fall into place :-)

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