Are you one of those singles who have a hard time understanding why God hasn’t brought you your future spouse yet? Dr. Jim writes about finding help when loneliness takes over.
Dear Jim: Paul says it is better to marry than to ‘burn’ with passion. If this is true, then why doesn’t God bring a spouse into my life?
Christian singles are awesome people. They so desire to live their life for God and be filled with His Spirit, but they are often filled with the passion for a spouse. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7 that it is a moral challenge to not marry and therefore it is good that one does. If this is true, then why does God not provide a mate for everyone who desires one?!
It is an excellent question and I do not assume that I have the full answer to this question. There are some things that are true about God that I suggest applies in finding the answer. Here are some thoughts as you find the answer for you:
1. God cares about everything in our lives. Matthew 10:30 tell us that He has even taken the time to know the number of hairs on our head. God cares about every detail of our lives.
2. As He cares for us, He does not DO everything for us. Since the fall of Adam and Eve, mankind has been burdened to ‘work’ the garden of life. In the garden are wonderful fruit as well as weeds. We are NOT in heaven – yet!
3. There are times I believe that God exercises His presence in our lives to bring specifics to us (example: jobs, friends, mates). Most of the time I find that He is present to HELP guide us to wise choices – IF we involve Him.
4. God is more focused with the principles upon which we live our lives than on the events. There is a wonderful mystery about God in that He already knows what choices we are going to make, but I do not believe that this ‘predetermines the choices. (God does not have the element of time handicapping His knowledge. You and I do and must wait for the unfolding of ‘time’ and choices to see the results.)
5. We cannot place God into a box. Isaiah 55:8 ‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, says Jehovah.’ We cannot use ‘logic’ with God. Yes, logic is a wonderful ingredient that God built into our lives, but it is not something that dictates to God what He is to do and when.
6. Paul says that marriage is an honorable thing to do. He does not say that everyone MUST do so to be happy or fulfilled. His primary focus was in dealing with the church in Corinth as to their question of whether or not it was EVEN proper for a Christian to marry or to be set apart full time to God. Paul appears to have been single when he said that he wished all were like him and fully focused on God. However, marriage is something that God provided for mankind and gave it a high status.
7. As relates to the ‘burning with passion’ argument, all are filled with this challenge – single and married. While it is certainly true that a married person has a release for their passions, it does not lessen the challenge to be pure in thought. I wrote an article on masturbation that I believe addresses much of this question. You can find this at the Masturbation blog post on the Café.
So what does a single do? PRAY and walk in His ways!!! Claim God’s promises and then trust Him to provide. I encourage you to embrace Psalms 37:4 ‘Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart.’
Let me end with these questions. Do you believe that God wants to provide the BEST for your life? Do you believe that He wants to guide you to the BEST? It is amazing that WHEN we turn to the Bible, He has words for every situation. Proverbs 3:6 ‘In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.’
My prayer is that His Spirit will lead you to find not only the answer to this question about finding a spouse but to all choices in your life. May He pour over your life the richest and choicest of His gifts!
15 comments on “Why doesn’t God bring a spouse into my life?” Add yours →
Thank you Dr. Jim,
Blessed article that has calm my spirit. I was feeling so alone and lost. May God continue using you to produce such encouragement n enlightening articles.
I think christians survive being single and joyful because the holy spirit fills the temple and also the loneliness is void when the joy fills the heart i can surely say waiting upon the Lord happily while you search is a way forward to seeing miracles happen in one s life thats how i feel in my heart.especially if you have been married before and were not happy resulting one being single you rather be happy and safe as a lot of people are going through very abusive marriages so honestly you will want to meet a faithful man or woman and you are careful trusting God as time go very quickly on earth i hope this peace helps someone
To those single and never been married be patient more love and faithful mingle with Alpha etc adopt a good friendship first with local youth in your church is far much better and its safe
Indeed it’s God’s will and plan for one to have a spouse. Very well set in the beginning in the book of Genesis.
Neither Adam nor Eve struggled to locate each other.
As a single why should I be single for so long and struggle to get a spouse?
May God help me to know and understand His perfect will as l humbly wait upon Him. Adam waited upon God infact he slept. When he woke up Eve had been provided by God.
Eve just found her self by Adam’s side so if we totally surrender to God He will place us in our right place and that is my prayer.
It’s good to focus on God’s original plan for my life for it’s His will. Amen.
What a great perspective! Thank you for sharing.
Our desires may change, God’s are the firm foundation. Knowing He sees the beginning from the end, it does become a test of our faith when we pray and our daily lives seem like the same old, same old, or a prayer has a different ending. Do I continue to trust God, to press on, press deeper in His word, when a prayer is answered, but not the way we hoped for? I met a wonderful, Christ-filled man on this site. It began with emails, then phone calls, and eventually meeting (he lived in Maine). We fell in love, we were genuine soul mates, and we both loved The Lord. God blessed us with a one year season that ended with his recent death, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. God chose not to heal His disease, but what blessings He showered upon us until the end.. I am a widow once again, but I do believe that God knows best in all situations. Even when it hurts, I want to trust in The Lord. Proverbs 3:5-6. Find God’s purpose, like I am praying for through this lonely time. And keep on “keepin’ on”. He loves His children, even when we hurt.
Thanks for your perspective. Kinkiness is a struggle for me due to my location and lack of single believers. Praying for God to help me not become bitter and make him my joy even in the wait so as not to be desperate when someone if interested comes.
Am still praying for God to give me someone to grow old with and I will continue to ask God until I get my answer..
Hello my sister in Christ: I just read your response that you are Waiting’ for your mate’ to come along. I pray he does real-soon as I too, am praying & waiting for my mate & for a mate for my son. May God bless 0ur times as we wait & watch in the Waiting room! God bless you-Laura
Praise God, gracefulcrown 302 that you are able to encourage God’s chosen women. I myself am trusting the Lord for my future mate. I have never been married before, and I know the Lord is faithful to do exceedingly and abundantly above all that I could ever think are image. One of the scriptures I’m standing on is Hebrews 11:1 Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. I also know how difficult it can be initiating a dating site. Because it’s hard to find someone who is completely sold out to the things of God. We need to as christian believers to care about others more than we do ourselves. Honesty is a great part of that Anyway I very hopeful that the Lord has that special someone for every female and male person who has that desire. Let us all be encouraged and wait on the Lord.
Great response Dr Jim. A Balm of Gilead to my wounded soul over a long search for a virtuous wife. It’s been a 30yr “wilderness” life journey. Each time, the oasis turns out to be a mirage! Is the Proverbs 31 woman for real? My goodness, with her at my side, I would just about do anything that pleases God.
What nxt to do ?
I am in “God’s waiting room” like many of my widowed girl friends, but I have made up my mind with God’s help, no mate is better than the wrong mate! God has a plan for our lives I need more of His Grace to be able to wait on Him and to catch Him..
Personally, i don’t understand it all but i believe God has his perfect timing for everything. if ut delays, so be it. if it never comes, so be it. it’s interesting that when you forcefully take matters into your own hands like say marry whatever is available rather than Godly spouse, sooner than later you start regretting or become miserably. so Personally i will wait for HIM. Only the best or nothing. Made my decision and it honours him.
An old adage: If you marry the wrong one, you don’t have to live with them as long… if you marry the right one they’re worth waiting for!
Praying ahead much is probably a good idea.
I am at a loss of words for how God’s Sovereign hand is at work but i sure pray it hurries because sometimes in my human desperation I become a complete fool.