Are you one of those singles who have a hard time understanding why God hasn’t brought you your future spouse yet? Dr. Jim writes about finding help when loneliness takes over.
Dear Jim: Paul says it is better to marry than to ‘burn’ with passion. If this is true, then why doesn’t God bring a spouse into my life?
Christian singles are awesome people. They so desire to live their life for God and be filled with His Spirit, but they are often filled with the passion for a spouse. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7 that it is a moral challenge to not marry and therefore it is good that one does. If this is true, then why does God not provide a mate for everyone who desires one?!
It is an excellent question and I do not assume that I have the full answer to this question. There are some things that are true about God that I suggest applies in finding the answer. Here are some thoughts as you find the answer for you:
1. God cares about everything in our lives. Matthew 10:30 tell us that He has even taken the time to know the number of hairs on our head. God cares about every detail of our lives.
2. As He cares for us, He does not DO everything for us. Since the fall of Adam and Eve, mankind has been burdened to ‘work’ the garden of life. In the garden are wonderful fruit as well as weeds. We are NOT in heaven – yet!
3. There are times I believe that God exercises His presence in our lives to bring specifics to us (example: jobs, friends, mates). Most of the time I find that He is present to HELP guide us to wise choices – IF we involve Him.
4. God is more focused with the principles upon which we live our lives than on the events. There is a wonderful mystery about God in that He already knows what choices we are going to make, but I do not believe that this ‘predetermines the choices. (God does not have the element of time handicapping His knowledge. You and I do and must wait for the unfolding of ‘time’ and choices to see the results.)
5. We cannot place God into a box. Isaiah 55:8 ‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, says Jehovah.’ We cannot use ‘logic’ with God. Yes, logic is a wonderful ingredient that God built into our lives, but it is not something that dictates to God what He is to do and when.
6. Paul says that marriage is an honorable thing to do. He does not say that everyone MUST do so to be happy or fulfilled. His primary focus was in dealing with the church in Corinth as to their question of whether or not it was EVEN proper for a Christian to marry or to be set apart full time to God. Paul appears to have been single when he said that he wished all were like him and fully focused on God. However, marriage is something that God provided for mankind and gave it a high status.
7. As relates to the ‘burning with passion’ argument, all are filled with this challenge – single and married. While it is certainly true that a married person has a release for their passions, it does not lessen the challenge to be pure in thought. I wrote an article on masturbation that I believe addresses much of this question. You can find this at the Masturbation blog post on the Café.
So what does a single do? PRAY and walk in His ways!!! Claim God’s promises and then trust Him to provide. I encourage you to embrace Psalms 37:4 ‘Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart.’
Let me end with these questions. Do you believe that God wants to provide the BEST for your life? Do you believe that He wants to guide you to the BEST? It is amazing that WHEN we turn to the Bible, He has words for every situation. Proverbs 3:6 ‘In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.’
My prayer is that His Spirit will lead you to find not only the answer to this question about finding a spouse but to all choices in your life. May He pour over your life the richest and choicest of His gifts!