Dr. Jim shows us the psychological blockages that should be avoided that some singles build around themselves after painful experiences and behavioral patterns that some develop. He also gives insight into what you should do to discern the ‘real’ cause of these blockages.
Blockages and the impact on your life
In response to an article that I wrote about dating at an older age (Dating For Older Adults), a person wrote asking me to elaborate on what I meant by ‘blockages’ that can negatively affect a person’s life. This is an area that relates to many single adults.
Each of us has experienced events in our life that greatly affected us. The positive ones serve as points of encouragement – serving to drive us to reach for a better life. The negative ones, especially those that created a strong emotional impact, often are ‘swallowed’ up inside of us, buried because we are either not old enough to deal with processing them or chose to not walk through the pain or growth necessary to arrive at a healthy conclusion.
When these negative events are not processed in a proper way, they too often become so buried within us that we soon grow to no longer recognize that they are influencing our lives. No one likes to feel pain (physical or emotional) and our spirits will go to great lengths to build protection for us.
While the sources of blockages can be numerous, the results often fall into patterns. Here are some that specifically apply to single adults:
1. Repeated cycles of relationships, never quite arriving at fulfillment and choosing to ‘move on’ rather than find out why we are not able to build healthy relationships.
2. Compulsive behavior becomes a force within, creating an appetite that must be satisfied (it seems). This behavior is common in addictions such as sex, drugs, eating disorders, credit card debts, etc.
3. A continuous, critical spirit towards others – especially the opposite gender. Their conversations are filled with criticism and even hatred toward others. This criticism becomes a consuming part of their life, crippling them from being able to have a healthy perspective – and driving the very ones they desire away from them.
The list goes on, but these are some to prime your thinking.
What should you do when you find yourself in such a pattern or blockage?
My experience in relating to single adults has proven over and over again that the services of a Christian counselor should be obtained. Seldom can the single adult discern the ‘real’ cause of their blockage and develop a healthy resolution to freedom.
Christ came to set us free. John 8:32 states ‘Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
God has provided many sources for us to find freedom and health. First, He is present in His Spirit to guide you. He has also called counselors and pastors with a passion and training to assist you in finding the freedom and joy you desire and deserve.
While I do not see Satan behind every rock, I do think that this is an area where he is mightily at work. He does not want you to be free and wants you to be in bondage. He knows that within your bondage you will be more prone to seek his ways, which only leads to deeper cycles of not realizing fulfillment.
Seek out a Christian counselor. Ask your Pastor or friends to recommend one to you.
Dr. Jim
I found so many answers when I found a great christian counselor that helped me to stop seeing myself as the victim and so I asked me: why did I choose this person in past? what were my mistakes? what can I do to make things better next time? And above all, putting God first in my life and in my heart.
That’s a good note Laura.
Sometimes I feel there is no one out here (in the single world) that is like me at all.
I’ve put love on hold for so long,First to raise my Daughter,who is now married,then believing for so long things would change,I wS thrust into caregiving alone for 1 then both Parents.
Now I’m not sure what the Lord has for me at this point in my life.I still believe His will for our Lives will unfold.I trust Jesus,even if it’s a strange time.
“A continuous, critical spirit towards others”
Guess this guy relies on his own understanding and not the scripture.
What do you expect from a false convert who uses “psychology” and misuses scripture.
What is he going to say next, the obvious, “love thy neighbour”, while omitting the whole rest of the scriptures.
Typical.
I was a victim at one time though still recovering. I was sure of a happy life a head after getting a fellow believer who totally turned against me a few years into the relationship.
I have come to learn that some of those blockages include deep spiritual issues that are not visible to the physical eyes. Things that affect our foundation, which can only be dealt with through deliverance. Of course, I am mindful that some Christians do not even believe deliverance is needed. Examples include polygamous relationships, witchcraft, bloodshed, curses etc in all this, I know that God is faithful and when we call He answers, however we need to pray with direction and not just generally.