Do you ever feel like you are the only one trying your best to do things right, but it does not seem to get you where you want to be? You honor others, read all you can about building good relationships, depend upon God, but your goal is not being met. When do good guys finish first?
Not Able to Get Beyond the Friendship Stage
A Christian man wrote to me recently and shared all the things he was doing to find a relationship. I found them to be commendable. He is doing the right things. However, try as he may, he is not able to get beyond the friendship stage into a meaningful relationship. Women love him – as a friend! He appears to me to be doing everything that a Christian man should be doing for God to honor his efforts with a wonderful relationship.
(As I continue this article, allow me to say that the very same thing can be said by many Christian women. They ARE doing the right things as best that they can, but it does not seem to be getting them anywhere.)
Living Life According to God is Always the Best Course
Living life the best we know how according to God’s Word and His promptings is often not the easiest course. Allow me to quickly add that it is always the best course! There are so many variables involved to finding a relationship. One important one is to find someone healthy and at a good place to recognize your health and strengths.
The Apostle Paul wrote in Galatians 6:9…
‘Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.’
It appears that this thought has been around for a long time. I see too many giving up, only to find them imprisoned in an unhealthy relationship.
What else can one do? There are a few words from His Word that are very challenging to hear. Here is a big one – patience. Let me share one story where this applied to me:
I had felt a calling to go into full-time ministry but did not have a position. Feeling and confirming His calling, I set out to sell my business. This took almost a year to complete. The business was sold but still no position in ministry for me. Several months went by and no invitations for ministry. I finally was invited to consider one ministry, but it was clearly revealed that it was not where God wanted me to be. By this time I was feeling pretty stupid and wondering why God would call me and not provide a place. I recall driving several hours to a meeting and God and I did a lot of talking on that drive. My words were pretty much like ‘God, I feel like a fool!’ I had no longer gotten the thought expressed when I heard God speak to my spirit. His words are still remembered today, 19 years later. They were ‘Jim, you have to be patient. I have a place for you but you have to wait until I open the position for you to fill.’ It was very clear and I recall saying that if I am going to be a fool, I will be a fool for God.
I attended the meeting and during a break, two pastor friends approached me asking if I had found a ministry. I shared my frustration that I had not. They said that a position had just opened in a church and they would like to recommend me to it. They did and I ended up spending 7 years in ministry there.
Focus On What You Have – Rather Than What You Do Not
Patience is a rare quality to develop, especially when there is a noticeable vacancy in your life. I encourage you to focus on what you have rather than what you do not. Have confidence in God that as you pour your deepest desires out to Him, He is listening and working on an answer. Does God have a soulmate for me?
Then embrace James 1:2-8:
‘Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.’
When do good men and women finish first? When God says that it is the right one and the right time. If you are not patient, you will not receive the fullness of whatever God has that is best for you.