In today’s singles advice, Dr. Jim Rives talks about: Is Love Enough? for those seeking for a lasting relationship.
Please let us know your thoughts on this, in the comments below. Thanks!
Seeking a lasting relationship…
What criteria do you use in seeking a lasting relationship? Is a strong emotional bond sufficient to see you through the years?
Life presents us with many twists and turns. One sets out to find a good relationship only to find someone show up who does not meet all the desired qualities. Have you set your criteria too high, or is it okay to have high standards?
Are you in a relationship that does not measure up?
I find that these type questions seem to be frequently generated by single adults, as they grow older. It is a challenge to find a potential mate of strong compatibility and quality characteristics. As time flows by, one begins to wonder if they have been unrealistic in their criteria. Perhaps they are in a relationship that does not measure up in one area or another but wonder if that area will be bearable if they choose to move ahead into a marital relationship.
Compatibility and Successful Marriage.
It is not up to me to decide for anyone else what specific criteria they use to select potential mates. I submit the following for your consideration as you formulate your criteria:
- Two major areas of incompatibility that lead to a large percentage of divorces are financial and spiritual.
- Define what you believe God wants you to seek in the spiritual compatibility area for a mate. This area is too often overlooked in the initial interactions. I suggest that it is a foundational area that is essential to a successful marriage.
- It is not selfish for you to consider whether or not the need to provide for family financial stability is a minimum requirement. So many men these days are not in the position, for a variety of reasons, to bring financial stability to a marriage. A poor financial situation can be a huge drain on a relationship.
- Many women share with me the fact that they rushed into marriage only to find their mate to be, or soon developed, a major health problem. The conversation that they share with their close friends is that this was a mistake that they wished they had not rushed into.
Initial emotions in a relationship and reality.
Feelings are great but the initial emotions in a relationship are more fantasy than reality. Until a couple has experienced difficulties, they really do not have a taste of true feelings. Fantasies shoot up like a rocket but fall equally as fast. Deep love grows and gathers strength and deeper meaning through each interaction – good and bad.
What to expect from the Relationship Stages? From fantasy to reality, what are the normal stages of a relationship.
A realistic amount of time needs to be taken to allow for the maturing of all areas necessary to a healthy relationship. This time will provide opportunity to experience a better sense of totality and realness of the other person. Include as much time as possible with each other’s family and friends. Family and friends can offer objectivity that is essential to gaining a real picture.
How do you define Love?
It depends upon how one defines ‘love’ to answer the initial question ‘Is love enough?’ If the definition is the one that is commonly portrayed in the world, then love is not enough. However, if the ‘love’ is one of seasoned and considered experiences in good days and bad, then I would state that this love is enough and will ride through the victories as well as the storms of life.
Which type of love are you seeking?
Dr. Jim
Dr Jim.
wow!! What can I say but thank you from the bottom of my heart and cheque book. Lol. I am in my forties, and a successful professional with assets and a set of teenagers. I believe in the biblical definition of love and seek to serve and show my love each day.But relationship after relationship I find being the financially secure partner puts the responsiblity on me. Partners say they can live with out, and go as far as to call me materialistic, as they have either declaired bankruptcy or lost all assets including children through divorce. I have not lost but won! My freedom to know and share God’s love and Blessings with a equal partner that respects and values ,all that my God has allowed me to provide for my children . I should be praised and respected as a single woman to remain intact and independent of support payments in this day and age is a credit to my makers work in me.
Finances are a real part of courtship, relationships and eventually marriage. As unromantic as it sounds.
Sincerely,
Single and seeking