What Men and Women Want in a Relationship

What men and women want

Men and Women want different things in life and relationships. Check out how their needs differ greatly: what is most important for men and for women? What can we do about this difference?┬áHere’s some great insight for Christian singles on understanding each other before searching for your special someone.


What do men and women want? (His needs/Her needs)

Before I publish any article, I send it to a group of singles I have asked to be my ‘advisors’. These singles are a variety of ages, occupations, backgrounds, etc. All are wonderful Christians who join me in having a passion to serve singles.

I wrote an article ‘What do men want?’ and mailed it out as normal. Fortunately God cares enough to give me big input when I need it. One of these advisors, Joe, has spent a large amount of time ministering to singles and couples. He reminded me of a book written by Willard Harley titled His Needs, Her Needs. Allow me to share the points of needs from Harley’s book and I invite you to read the entire book for the fullness of his points.

His needs:

1) Sexual Fulfillment

2) Recreational Companionship

3) Physical Attraction (she finds him attractive and desires him) Interested On Physical.

4) Domestic Support

5) Adoration (Respect)

Her needs:

1) Affection – 8-10 non-sexual touches per day

2) Conversation – 1hr per day (23,000 words per day vs. male 12,000-14,000 words per day)

3) Trust – honesty

4) Security – financial

5) Commitment – family

Should you accept these tendencies from the opposite gender? And what to do to make the relationship work.

Allow me to add this thought. Needs are internal drives for us. However, they are not something that we MUST place over others, etc. For example, our natural drives are selfish and self-gratifying. Christians are told in God’s Word that we are not to live by satisfying this natural side of us. I see relationships as the perfect example in how we are to serve as a Christian in putting others first and what is best. Christ lived this and Paul shared many instructions toward this.

Just because a man’s number one need is sexual fulfillment does not give him the basis to state that he must have sex outside of marriage! I have written before that God knows us best and has stated that this fulfillment is to be done only in marriage. To have sex prior to marriage is damaging. One example of this damage is that it tells the emotions that the ‘hunt’ is over and there is no longer a need to work on other areas to build a strong foundation. Couples often mis-read this and rush on into marriage – only to find that they are not compatible in many other areas. And guess what, their sex life suffers too!

Accept the needs as stated above as the drives that are at force in each gender. Discipline these drives as you understand and accept each other and work on building a total relationship that will survive the dreams AND storms of life.

Dr. Jim

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3 comments on “What Men and Women Want in a RelationshipAdd yours →

  1. I agree with the “needs” of men and the “needs” of woman. They are different that is why there has to be compromise.

  2. This is very nice post. God wants the best for us in every area of our lives. As the natures of men and women are different so there has to be compromise. Now a day online dating is very much popular in worldwide. I have a personal experience about online dating. One of my friend who decided not to do marriage. But one day she registered in an online dating website. She got a perfect mate from this website and now she lives her life happily with her mate.

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