No sex – How to share you don’t want to have sex after marriage?

No Sex

A few single adults (for various reasons) see their future marriage as having no sex in the relationship. They’re not sure when they should let the other person know about this when dating.  Dr. Jim gives some useful insights on how to go about letting the other person know your desire is to have no sexual relations after you’re married.


No Sex After Marriage

No sex after marriage – When should I share with another person that I do not want to have sex after marriage?

For a variety of reasons, there are some adults who do not want to have a sexual relationship after marriage. A person of this persuasion realizes that most of the people of the opposite gender that they meet will want to have this in their future relationship. The concern is that in sharing the no sex desire will hinder the possibility of the relationship.

Another fact that contributes to this is that one should not go around discussing their sexual likes and dislikes at an early point of meeting others. This would be equally insensitive.

The fact is that as soon as feasible, the one not desiring to have sex in a future relationship should share this with the other person. As noted above, this would not be done in the first dating experiences, but should be done as soon as there’s clearly a mutual interest in building a relationship. It would be very unfair to create a strong bond with another person before telling them of this preference. This would be a selfish and unkind consideration of the other person’s emotions.

It would be very unfair to create a strong bond with another person before telling them

Finding out what is keeping you from having a sexual relationship after marriage.

Allow me to add one other point on this subject. There is nothing immoral or improper to not want to have a sexual relationship in marriage. I do not think that it is the most common situation, but it has been brought to my attention enough in recent years to know that this is something that applies to some single adults. If you are a single adult and do not have a clear medical condition that keeps you from having a sexual relationship but you still want no sex after marriage, I would encourage you to discuss this with a trained counsellor. This will either confirm your reasons for not doing so, OR will surface something within your system that is hindering you from enjoying a sexual relationship. Either way you will benefit from this professional guidance.

The Bible states that they shall know us (Christians) by our love. (John 13:35 ‘By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.’) Let God’s love be your guide in this and in all other matters in relationships.

Let God’s love be your guide

Dr. Jim
Author of “Guide to Successful Online Christian Dating”

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Comments
  • WHO writes the junk???

    Seriously…we are CALLED and ‘hello’!!commanded to give into our spouses in this beautiful act. Pullleeese !!! Stop the utter nonsense!

    • Polly says:

      Jenn Shenenberger. Did you read the entire post? Dr. Jim isn’t advocating for this. He is simply replying to a question (admittedly it’s a little off-the-wall) about it. Here is what he said, in conclusion:

      “If you are a single adult and do not have a clear medical condition that keeps you from having a sexual relationship but you still want no sex after marriage, I would encourage you to discuss this with a trained counsellor. This will either confirm your reasons for not doing so, OR will surface something within your system that is hindering you from enjoying a sexual relationship”

  • eternallove says:

    Not having sex after marriage is as unbiblical as having sex before marriage. Why marry then?

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