When the divorce is not final and the person is still legally married but is using dating sites online: what should you do if you find yourself in a situation like this? Who gets hurt in the process when you find yourself still married and flirting online?
Married And Flirting
What is your opinion on those who are still married and flirting using Christian dating sites?
Perhaps one would expect me to come out ranting and raving about this. Actually my heart is broken as I consider this question. Over and over again I have learned that many who are still married are choosing to place an ad on a dating site and interact and flirting with others as if they were single.
The easiest of the situations to address is the one where the person signing up is currently living with their spouse. They are unhappy or unfulfilled in their marriage and choose to use the secrecy of the Internet to relate to members of the opposite gender. I certainly can state that this is not a proper practice.
“Until your divorce is final AND you are as healthy as you can be in all areas of your life”
There are 3 people that are getting hurt in this scenario:
- The spouse – When one decides to use the Internet for any form of satisfaction, they are literally robbing their spouse of the affection and attention that is theirs and theirs alone. This is like starving another person and further contributes to the problems in the relationship.
- The member (or members) of the opposite gender: Other people are trusting that the person interacting with them is honest AND available. The game that is played is not only keeping them from finding someone for a relationship, but causes injury to their emotions, etc. when they discover the game being played.
- The final person to be hurt is the person that is using the dating service while married and flirting. The person doing this is robbing themselves from finding the very joy and fulfillment that they are seeking. God has given this to them in their marriage. I can hear many voices saying that it is not being met in their marriage and thus causes them to seek this avenue. It COULD be in their marriage if they sought the proper trained counseling that is needed. There is certainly no Biblical grounds for this activity.
“Until the divorce is final, one is married.”
There are many others who do not have a final divorce for one reason or another and choose to go ahead and get active on a dating service (Starting a new relationship before divorce is final). I understand the loneliness and rejection that one hungers to offset. However, utilizing a dating service before one is actually legally and Biblically available is improper and short-sighted.
Single Or Married.
There are two conditions of relationships – single or married. You cannot be a little bit one or the other. Until the divorce is final, one is married.
My experience in relating to people in this situation is that they are far better off to use this period of time to get as healthy as they can in every area of their life. The emotions scream for companionship. The emotions do not use logic but are active in trying to fill the void. A time of reflection, healing, and growing are the best activities to do during this time.
Until your divorce is final AND you are as healthy as you can be in all areas of your life, I encourage you to not be active in any dating site. Your chances for a better relationship in the future are much better if you choose to do what I have suggested.
“Single or Married. You cannot be a little bit one or the other.”
Author of “Guide to Successful Online Christian Dating”