What Every Christian Couple Should Talk Before Saying “I Do”

The great word: I do
“I do”

Today’s article is brought to you by a guest writer, Kevin Gardner.

4 Conversations Every Christian Couple Should Have Before Saying “I Do”

God never created men and women to be alone. From birth, humans long for connection and intimacy with others, seeking a life filled with love, compassion, and security. This can grow complicated when courting, and eventually dating the person you wish to wed. As you know, finding the one or your soulmate is a nuanced idea that has been spoon fed to young romantics by secular culture. Real, biblical relationships require communication and compromise with the person you have chosen.

This means that there are certain conversations you should have before standing before the church and pledging to love this person “for better and for worse.” Here are four important conversations that every Christian couple should have:

The Roles

Very early in the relationship, you should discuss the roles of the husband and wife. Genesis 2:24 states, “For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” In God’s eyes, marriage is a binding covenant that can only be broken by death. This means that conversations defining life after marriage should occur before the two of you share home and bed. Ask your future partner the following:

  • What are the expectations of the roles within the house? For example, will you share tasks in maintaining a home (i.e. dishes, laundry, dusting, etc).
  • What are your beliefs on non-marital relationships? Would you ever decide to be alone with a member of the opposite sex?
  • What does a non-romantic evening at home look like to your partner?
  • What are your expectations for sex? 
  • How do you define headship and submission as stated in Ephesians 5:21-23?

The Beliefs 

Since your relationship with God comes before your relationship with your partner, it is very important that the two of you are on the same page spiritually. As you move toward marriage, you should begin to connect your faith experiences and discuss theology, prayer life, and aforementioned spiritual roles. However, make sure both of you are still maintaining your private and personal relationships with God throughout your time together. At no time should your partner come before your relationship with the Lord.   

The Future

Since this is one of the most important conversations to have with your future spouse, it can certainly feel forced and uncomfortable. However, decisions about your future together are incredibly important. These can be a simple as discussing future lifestyle (where will we live? how many cars should we drive?) to discussing children (when should we have children? how many do we want?)

When it comes to discussions on raising children, it’s imperative that you are on the same page with your partner. However, disagreement on some of these points is completely natural, and can be solved through prayer, community and premarital relationship counseling for Christians

The Struggles

While no one wants to think about disagreement or struggles at the beginning of a relationship, there is no such thing as a perfect marriage, and you and your partner should be prepared for future frustrations and anger. When two people become man and wife, every part of them is fully known by their partner. And while this can be a wonderful thing, it can also magnify flaws, baggage, and weaknesses. Take the time to sit down with your partner and openly discuss your struggles so you can ensure you are there for each other in times of temptation.   

Since marriage is a binding covenant between you, your partner and the Lord; it is important to ensure that you will wed someone who will grow alongside you for the rest of your life. This means that communication and openness are key when living side-by-side. All relationships take sacrifice and hard work, but once you guarantee the person by your side loves both you and the Lord, you can celebrate this season of love and marriage time with certainly and peace.

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5 comments on “What Every Christian Couple Should Talk Before Saying “I Do”Add yours →

  1. You should ask “Under what conditions will you demand a divorce from me and the right to remarry?” If you are the man in the marriage, you will lose your children to your ex-wife and whatever “man” creeps into your home. If she states that there are no reasons, get that in writing. If she states that there are reasons, demand that she give you the option of full custody of any kids should she decide to file for divorce. I recommend that the non-filer always, always get the choice as to whether to raise the kids as the other partner clearly lacks integrity. We all vow “For better or worse, until death do we part.” What part of that suggests that any divorce and remarriage is permitted? When entering your first, true, and God-bound marriage, you are stuck with each other for life. Talk about that reality.

  2. Great article, Polly! Christians have too long been passively absorbing the secular marketing surrounding romance and marriage and missing the opportunity to make a wise decision, plan and prepare thoughtfully for the commitment of marriage and to receive and learn to utilise the tools for success. I would also like to see more discussed about the role and timing of pre-engagement counselling!

  3. This was a GREAT article. It touched on all those 4 points, so so well, and the scriptural pieces to back it up as well.. was so timely. Thank you, just so … thank you🙏

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