Virginity and Marriage


What does God say about virginity, marriage, and consequences from our decisions? Let’s understand what God wants us to apply to our lives with Biblical principles.

Dear Jim: Should I be seeking a virgin for marriage?

This question, or one similar to it, often arises in emails received from singles. Virginity is something that God instructs us to bring into the marriage. How does one relate to those who are no longer virgins? Can one restore their virginity? How does virginity relate to second marriages? Allow me to share some thoughts on this area.

  • God is very direct that
    sex before marriage is a sin. 1 Corinthians 6:18 is very clear about this. God wants us to be pure when we enter into marriage and stay faithful to our spouse.
  • When virginity is broken, one cannot become a virgin again. I frequently receive an email saying that one has restored his or her virginity. This is a physical impossibility to my understanding. What I believe the person ‘means’ (and I concur) is that God has forgiven them and sees them as pure again. 1 John 1:9 says ‘If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.’ God sees us a pure in His eyes, but He does not remove the consequence of our sin from us. If we lost our virginity, we have lost it. God wants us to confess it as a sin, be forgiven by Him, and then change our lives so the sexual sin does not happen again.
  • Before we become judgmental of those who have lost their virginity outside of marriage, let me share these words from God’s words in Matthew 7:3-5 – ‘And why do you see the mote that is in your brother’s eye, but consider not the beam that is in your own eye? How will you say to thy brother, Let me cast out the mote out of your eye; and lo, the beam is in your own eye? You hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of your own eye; and then you shall see clearly to cast out the mote out of your brother’s eye.’ My point is that EACH of us has some form of sin in our lives.
  • The Bible is filled with a balance of embracing God’s ways and disciplining our actions, while at the same time embracing that we are fallen creatures and must be repentant before God. Just because we know that He will forgive us does not mean that we should go out and sin. Paul spends a lot of time discussing this in Corinthians and Galatians. You must remember that even though He forgives the sin, He does not remove the consequences of our actions.
  • If you are a virgin, you should continue to live your life with this wonderful blessing. There are so many spiritual, physical, emotional, and psychological blessings that only you can enjoy.
  • If you have ‘fallen’, repent and ask God for forgiveness. Then follow this by placing accountability into your life. I would also recommend that you seek out a Christian counselor. Our sexual sins are often acting out something deeper going on inside us. It would serve you well to find out what this is and resolve it before it complicates your life further.
  • For those who have been faithful and are still a virgin, continue to ask God to bring a mate to you who is also a virgin. However, I personally recommend that you not restrict God’s hand in this way. Consider that if one is seen by God as pure, shouldn’t that be good enough for you? (I think that they should demonstrate a repentant heart over an extended time too.)
  • Should one who is a virgin consider marrying someone who has been divorced? I think that this is a very personal decision that must be led by God for the answer. An extended time should be given to this along with superb counseling. The counsel of family and close friends should also be a part of the confirmation process.

We too are fallen creatures 

All of us live with sin abounding in the world around us. We too are fallen creatures and it is only by the grace of God that we are able to move on to freedom and peace. Seek to find that Biblical balance where we are to seek the very best in others, and ourselves while embracing where God has given grace, forgiveness and restoration. This is not an easy topic and I pray that God will lead you to an understanding that He wants you to apply to your life.

Warm regards,


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18 comments on “Virginity and MarriageAdd yours →

  1. Hi Jim
    I do understand your point about virginity and marriage but i do not agree when you say to seek a virgin partner. People are hypocrite and learn how to be a religious person from churches and own family. I’ve seen and felt too people being seen as dirty and not worthy of Gods love cause of virginity, cause you imagine you as saint just for not having sex. But purity is not a body thing…you can be a virgin and still have a dark horrible heart, unable to be close to God and receives His grace. I’ve seen people being excluded from churches because of this kind of thinking. Virginity, as you said, is not a physical thing so to me that’s mean virginity is being pure soul, heart and body and is between you and God not you and a man. When people says you must be a physical virgin to enjoy a holy marriage life for me is the same to say i am not holy, clean and not saved by Gods grace and i will have only half of His goodness and blessings. That’s not His teachings and love. Not for me. We are not saint cause we go to church or have a religion. That doesn’t makes me better than anyone else, in or out christianity. We are all sinners and must understand that. We all going to be in front of God in heaven. We should be careful when say things we believe and want…
    I am 41, was a virgin till 36. I had this idea of waiting for a man cause i believed that was a thing that would make me worthy of him. Even thou i was accused of not being virgin, being a prostitute and getting pregnant. Accused by a christian guy who said he loved me, my own family, my own church. Lost everything and everyone. I was a virgin and felt so so dirty for being. I did not to be a virgin anymore cause was not worthy giving it to a man. It made me dirty, unclean…i was raised in a christian family but was not a born again. Knew about God’s salvation, read the bible and everything…but that did not make me a saved one. I became a born again i was 23, was baptized and was part of a baptist church. All the accusation happen when i was 26…i was just hungry and getting close to God. It took me 10 years till i got tired and gave up. I did not understand why people was like that cause the Bible and Jesus was not like that. So i felt nobody was worthy my virginity. Had sex once. Just to loose it. Felt nothing. Did bring me nothing. But need it to understand my purity, virginity and holiness was with God and no one else. I regret cause was a sin against God and my relationship with Him. I do not regret loosing a physical virginity to be pure to a man.
    People must love as Jesus.
    People must live in a way to save life, to save others. Jesus’ love, Jesus’ teachings, Jesus’ mind.

    1. I agree. To stay sexually pure actually is not for your husband but it’s for God. It God who reserved sex only for within marriage. If it’s outside marriage it simply falls under the sin sexually immorality. Because also the guy stays pure, he doesn’t do this for his future wife, he does it for God, just living in obedience to God.

  2. I think society is a little confused on the biblical term of marriage? Or maybe I am…lol… the church, minster or JP preform the secular ceremony of marriage and all the legal documents for our type of society, but the biblical marriage is very clear about having so called pre-marital sex… it is an oxymoron. the act of sex is the marriage between the two. The two become one. you cannot have sex without becoming married…. when you have multiple partners you are committing adultery. the state paper work has nothing to do with marriage in the biblical sense. Even the state recognizes that there is no marriage until the act takes place. once it takes place you are married in the eyes of the Lord…. you do not need the state to preform anything.

  3. GREAT piece.
    Touched on those who are virgins , those who are not, and the fore most important point, including God in the equation throughout it all. Whether that is seeking forgiveness for the sexual sin , keeping grounded in Him not to return to the sin, seeking grace & compassion in & through Him if still a virgin and moving forward with one who is not AND wisdom from God. And also great the scriptural verses that support this. So again , biggest take away that personal relationship in Jesus Christ, and the word of God to lead us, keep us & guide us around even on a topic like this.
    Thank you, just so ,thank you for this post.
    Was also very timely, more than you know, for me. Greatly appreciated.🙏

  4. There was no mention here about those who were sexually assaulted and therefore, no longer physical virgins.. and how they may see themselves as ‘less than’. In God’s eyes, they are not tainted or less pure.
    The whole point of virginity is to keep oneself, and give yourself willingly.. other people’s actions do not determine your purity.

    1. God can restore all that someone has lost…how’s that posible ?trust Him and you’ll see ”And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you.”

      Joel 2:25

  5. I’d disagree about giving someone a chance despite not being a virgin. At least not if it happened after the person became a Christian It’s usually an indication that the person picks and choose what morals to follow according to their own convenience. In my experience, these sorts tend to be very aggressive and incapable of keeping their hands to themselves. I’d rather stay safe than become another statistic…

  6. I would also add that there is a tendency for men to say whatever you want to hear to get into your pants. The so-called repentant player.
    Sure Christians aren’t supposed to be judgemental but that doesn’t mean you should be blind nor walk past a sea of red flags like Moses through the Red Sea.
    If someone is divorced it should raise the question of why they are? Why could they not reconcile with their spouse? Have they actually changed and if so how can you tell?
    It’s exceptionally rare for people to change. Hoping that they will, only ever invites misery and pain.

  7. Rahab, wasn’t a virgin, she was a harlot.
    But Salmon looked at her heart and married her. Hebrews 11:31.

  8. Its true it’s wrong to have sex before marriage, but it someone has done so, repent by understanding the wrong side of it and the holy Spirit to guide you go the right way,,,
    And when it comes to marriage, it should be personal reasons whether you should get married to a virgin or not….
    But that is never a point if you love someone from the heart.

  9. I am a newly converted Christian. Before my 27 years of life. I DID NOT have the chance to read Bible. A is that my family is not a Christian family. B is that Christian is not a thing in my country. No preach no missionary works. As far as I know, there is only one church in my city over 300 miles. But for 25 years of life, I had keep virginity I even did not have a single boyfriend ever before. Even the first time I had pre-marital sex because he is the one against mine will. How should I know he would not take me as a wife at the end.
    I was glad I could be baptized and after that, I had never had any form of relationship with others. What you had suggested in your article made me felt I could never have the change to be married and until the last day of my life. I will be never married as I am not pure and will be abandoned and always a ‘less than’. Your speech without any other circumstances made me feel God never forgives me and loves me as you said ‘those who have been faithful and are still a virgin, continue to ask God to bring a mate to you who is also a virgin. ‘ How did I knew I can pray when I do not even know the Bible and Jesus, when I was a virgin.

    I agree with ‘NG’ ‘ I think other people’s actions do not determine your purity.’

  10. That’s an excellent point and what about those children abused too? It’s not their fault. God obviously understands this. I only found odd a comment about virgins marrying divorcees. I’m always under impression one should not remarry after divorce, except a minimal types of exemptions. That’s my understanding anyhow.

  11. Hi Jim,
    How do you see getting married to a divorced person if the other divorcee is still alive?

    Because Jesus says that’s considered adultery. There is no way to interpret it differently the way he says it. Or is there?

  12. Great touch Dr Jim however the virginity topic us very sensitive and complex. Personally I wouldn’t want to measure Gods thinking by fleshly standards and again let’s remember his ways are far separated from our ways, so are his thoughts. Regarding virginity and marriage I have first hand experience and I’m certain about one thing God wants us to keep our bodies for him not fir marriage and if we keep ourselves pure to find a blessed marriage, that means you disregarding God’s plan fir your life as some people pass through pain and rejection and abuse so they can be used effectively in God’s Kingdom.
    Thank you

  13. Virginity is a very important concept in the Bible. The Bible defines sex outside of marriage as a sin because it is a form of sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 7:2). Therefore, Christians are not to engage in sexual relations outside of the boundaries of marriage.

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