How do I convince my ex-spouse to take me back?

Take Me Back
Take Me Back

Take Me Back: Many of you join me in knowing what it is like to make a serious mistake and lose a relationship. This is even more significant when it is a marriage. You made a bad choice, you committed a sin, but now you have embraced your error and God is restoring you. You know that you have changed. But those whom you have hurt are just not giving you a chance to prove that you have changed.

How can you change their minds?

You cannot – at least not directly. Trust is something that takes a long time to build but can be lost in an instant. Once it is lost, it is a very slow road back to restoration. However, with God’s involvement, it is not an impossible road.

Let me share some thoughts for you to consider if you find yourself in this position:

Fully embrace your sin/error. King David stated in Psalm 51:4 ‘Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight.’

Confess your sin. Yes, this is ol’ fashioned but it is what the Bible says to do.

1John 1:8-10 ‘If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make Him out to be a liar and His Word has no place in our lives.’ 

Submit To His Plan

You cannot move on to a healthy life and claim God’s power in your restoration until you submit to His plan.

YOU will not be the one to directly convince a spouse or loved one that you have changed. Do not waste any effort in trying to go to them and convince them that you have changed and please “Take me back”.

DO set out to become all the man or woman that God wants you to be. Embrace His Word and His Spirit into your life. And be actively pursuing the changes that God wants you to make.

DO NOT date or participate in any website or activity that takes your focus away from being ready to restore your marriage. This often takes many years as the necessary changes come about in character – yours and in your loved ones.

Find out what it was that you were trying to fill when you committed the sin that caused the breakup. For example, if sex was involved, what is it you were trying to find? It is deeper than just the act of sex.

Seek Help.

Seldom is this discovery made without the valued assistance of a trained guide. Christian counselors are called by God and spend the time to prepare themselves to be a guide to the discoveries YOU need to make.

You did not get to this point in a day and it will take more than a day to get out of it. Do not expect counseling to be one or two sessions with all the understanding needed suddenly revealed. Often it takes an extended time, or more than one series of counseling to unravel the revelation.


Pray for your spouse constantly. Ask God to place a hedge of protection around them and for Him to work in their lives as He is in yours.

Do not be alone. Find one or two strong Christians of your own gender and develop a great buddy/accountability group.

Trust God!

Even when it appears that nothing is happening and when you do not understand, trust God. Philippians 1:6 ‘being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.’

The shortest path to the fulfillment and joy that you are seeking is in your marriage. It is worth the effort and the endurance. Is there a guarantee that if you do everything correct your marriage will be restored? No.

We live in a fallen world and such guarantees are not a part of our lives until we arrive in Heaven. However, this course will enable you to become all the man/woman that you and God want you to become. And give you the peace of mind that you did everything possible for restoration.

The peace that will come from God in undertaking this path will be sufficient for whatever unfolds in your life.

May God illuminate your path and bless you in this journey of “Take Me Back”.

Dr. Jim

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7 comments on “How do I convince my ex-spouse to take me back?Add yours →

  1. I don’t know who Dr. Jim is, but his comments, warnings and explanations on trying to mend a broken life and heart are dead center. Most sinners won’t want to do what that kind of result requires. OK, but it will probably help a few. If it puts one family back together it’s worth the time and effort. Keep up the good work.

  2. This is not a Christian. Pay attention to his flawed arguments. And he is using the Bible to make a big error concerning relationship. That’s Satan.

  3. The best way to convince is changed behavior and giving them time to heal from what caused then to leave . it takes time to build trust after betraying that trust . So Changed behavior and patience .

  4. As I see it, if a woman has no respect for a man that she is married to and refuses to communicate with her husband, then its time to let her go. Dogs often times will suddenly vomit and then eat their vomit or another dog comes along and eats that dog vomit. We men are in ways, like a Dog. We return back to the vomit, trying to eat it again. if U lost your meal, due to a vomit, don’t re-eat it. Its not smart. If the women tells the man that she wants him to make her love him, then that is a sign that she is all twisted up. Love by Force is not love. Love is a free will choice. Either U love someone or U don’t. As a chinese proverbs says, if you love it, set it free. If it comes back to U, its Your’s. If it does not come back to U, it never was Your’s in the first place.

    The problem here is this, we live in a selfish shell fish world. Men and Women don’t think alike. They are each programed diffidently. We are all very much like a selfish self center shell fish, in our own little sea shell way down at the bottom of the sea in our own steamy bungalow, and we want our own way. There in lies the problem. men don’t think like a woman, and women don’t think like a man. Men look as a woman, and all they can see is how sensual she appears … women on the other hand, They see him as a walking piggy bank, and they want him to supply them with what they want. If he can’t do that, then they are ready to throw him away, and to destroy him, so that other women can’t have him. It all comes down to poor communication and a tug of war of wills… if the woman won’t open her heart and communicate with her man, then its time to let her go. It was the Woman who ate the forbidden fruit from the Forbidden tree, and every since that day, Women have been under the control of satan, and at war against the men. A woman can not live in peace with a man, unless she is in complete submission with Christ. And the same can be said of men.

    As the saying goes, “Its takes two to Tango. U can not dance a Tango, unless U have a willing dance partner to keep in step with U. In the dance of life, it takes Three to Tango ! … yes, U heard me, it Takes Three to dance a Tango. The Third party is Christ. He must be the center of Our Life. He is the One who will Hold the relationship together, on one condition, both the Man and the Woman must be in complete submission to Christ, before the Woman can be in a loving relationship with a man, and like wise with a man to a woman. … If a woman won’t submit her self into that submissive relationship with Christ, then She aren’t gonna be in a submissive relationship with her man, and let him lead and to walk at his side, instead of trying to control him. Man was created to be the head of His wife, just as Christ is the head of man and many women resent this. They want to be control. Its all because of that forbidden tree that was set apart in the garden of Eden.

    This also why women destroy by abortion, the little one that is her womb. Its all about selfishness. They have failed to realize, that her role in life is to be a mother and lover to her children and her man. men need the love of a woman. They her sensuality and her love. The Children also need her Love. We can not live apart from the woman. she is the source of life. The Baby is depended upon its Mother’s life support while it is in the womb, and after the little one born, it is depended upon the milk of life from her warm breast. To destroy that life that is within her Womb, is a case of clear cut murder … yet, women will hotly deny that it is murder. but it is murder … done in the spirit of selfishness …

    There are gonna be many a woman, standing out side of the walls of the New Jerusalem, because of her selfishness and the same can be said of men.

    The Children are a heritage given to man.
    Please read Psalms 127:3 and 128:3

    Man was created for one purpose, to repopulate the New Jerusalem, because as it is written in the book of Revelation, that there was War in Heaven, and that the tail of the dragon with drew one third of the stars of heaven, meaning, that one third of the angels were thrown out of Heaven, which means, that one third of the angels are missing, one third of heaven pent houses are vacate, with no one home, and those homes are gonna be given to the human race, and satan knows this, and he is doing all that he can to prevent the human race from moving in to all those vacate pent houses. please read John 14:1-3. These are the Pent Houses that Christ was referring to.

    So, U see, there is a spiritual battle taking place between men and women, most of them don’t realize that. Men and Women will never live in peace with each other, until they come to realization and meekly submit to one another and to Christ who the head. There is one other way.

    Its a very difficult hard pill to accept and to swallow, but it is the darn truth.

    Sincerely … By the Opera Phantom.

  5. WHY do you assume that the entire reason someone left us is because of something WE did?? That is myopic, unfair, and in most cases, untrue and brings unnecessary condemnation and guilt.

    I was just dumped for having Lupus. Am I supposed to repent for that? He is a widower of 2 years and lost a wife of 21 years from an undiagnosed autoimmune illness. It is natural that my illness was a big trigger, but telling everyone that they were dumped because of sin is just wrong. If God wants us back together, then He will make it happen, but there is NOTHING for which I need to repent. If he chooses to let Satan’s fears dictate his life decisions, there ain’t thing one even God can do because He will never violate another person’s”s will.

    Please start giving BOTH sides so folks will not get a one-sided impression and start blaming themselves for something they not have even done!

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