Sometimes single adults can become obsessed with finding a mate. And, in the process of finding Mr. or Mrs. Right, they can allow the illusion of what they think they need or want to take over their attitude and relationship with others. Here’s how mere delusions can become “reality” for desperate singles. Dr. Jim explains how observing the desert can help us to learn and to work towards improving our own lives, so that we can become healthy individuals before we search for our other half.
Illusion – Are you chasing a mirage? Part II
In the first article Are you chasing a mirage? Part I, I shared how I see the desert environment in parallel with the single adult life. Both hold great contrast with hidden beauties and joys awaiting discovery.
“Become consumed in finding ‘their’ oasis at all costs.”
There is another factor that relates to the desert that I find in so many single adults. A person in the desert quickly develops a ‘sense’ of what they need to get out of their desert. This expectation becomes almost the entire focus and other factors seem to dissipate from consideration. This focus becomes so intense that it soon develops into a ‘mirage, a illusion.’ This is most commonly applied to the drive for water; it can also be applied to ‘something illusory or insubstantial.’ The drive is so strong that one’s view is altered to the point that they begin seeing what they desire most in everything around them. They will see an oasis or pool of water when in fact none exists. It is a condition that can lead to very disappointing and painful results.
How can this be similar to what single adults face?
1. The drive to ease past rejections and pains become so intense that standards are dismissed and the focus shifts to just finding an activity that will rid the pain.
2. The oasis of ‘sex’ takes on an unreal significance of being able to cure all. Every contact with other people, whether in a store, a supermarket or church, becomes one of looking past the reality to the form of the physical person.
3. The compelling desire to marry becomes an all in all mirage, illusion. If one could be found that would totally accept and love me, spend time with me and pleasure me, the ultimate oasis would have been found and realized.
4. When the sex, companionship, or marriage is not found, the person becomes a desert animal. They become bitter and angry with all those around them – friend or new contact. The words that flow from their mouths reveal a very angry person who has become consumed in finding ‘their’ oasis at all costs.
” The drive is so strong that one’s view is altered to the point that they begin seeing what they desire most in everything around them.”
This is more common than you think.
I realize that I am being very strong in my words as I unfold this illusion. However, I suggest that unless we truly see how a desert experience can distort life, we have no motivation to find a healthy change. Not every single adult will find himself or herself in the above description – thank God. However, my years of experience in relating to thousands of singles adults reveal that this is more common than not.
Do you see this illusion in your life?
Do you see the mirage in your life? When you do, what can you do about it? That will be the subject of Reality – Are you chasing a mirage? Part III.
Dr. Jim
Author of “Guide to Successful Online Christian Dating”
1Cor. 13:12 “Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known”
I agree that some singles can become obsessed with finding a mate but even in churches everything is focused on the married couples and single often feel like an outcast. That’s all I see sometimes in stores at restaurants, etc — couples. We as normal humans want to be with someone special. You can’t live as an island and be happy. We are humans want companionship. And we are sexual beings. It is not hard to turn it off — no matter how hard you pray.