Dr. Jim shows us the psychological blockages that should be avoided that some singles build around themselves after painful experiences and behavioral patterns that some develop. He also gives insight into what you should do to discern the ‘real’ cause of these blockages.
Blockages and the impact on your life
In response to an article that I wrote about dating at an older age (Dating For Older Adults), a person wrote asking me to elaborate on what I meant by ‘blockages’ that can negatively affect a person’s life. This is an area that relates to many single adults.
Each of us has experienced events in our life that greatly affected us. The positive ones serve as points of encouragement – serving to drive us to reach for a better life. The negative ones, especially those that created a strong emotional impact, often are ‘swallowed’ up inside of us, buried because we are either not old enough to deal with processing them or chose to not walk through the pain or growth necessary to arrive at a healthy conclusion.
When these negative events are not processed in a proper way, they too often become so buried within us that we soon grow to no longer recognize that they are influencing our lives. No one likes to feel pain (physical or emotional) and our spirits will go to great lengths to build protection for us.
While the sources of blockages can be numerous, the results often fall into patterns. Here are some that specifically apply to single adults:
1. Repeated cycles of relationships, never quite arriving at fulfillment and choosing to ‘move on’ rather than find out why we are not able to build healthy relationships.
2. Compulsive behavior becomes a force within, creating an appetite that must be satisfied (it seems). This behavior is common in addictions such as sex, drugs, eating disorders, credit card debts, etc.
3. A continuous, critical spirit towards others – especially the opposite gender. Their conversations are filled with criticism and even hatred toward others. This criticism becomes a consuming part of their life, crippling them from being able to have a healthy perspective – and driving the very ones they desire away from them.
The list goes on, but these are some to prime your thinking.
What should you do when you find yourself in such a pattern or blockage?
My experience in relating to single adults has proven over and over again that the services of a Christian counselor should be obtained. Seldom can the single adult discern the ‘real’ cause of their blockage and develop a healthy resolution to freedom.
Christ came to set us free. John 8:32 states ‘Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
God has provided many sources for us to find freedom and health. First, He is present in His Spirit to guide you. He has also called counselors and pastors with a passion and training to assist you in finding the freedom and joy you desire and deserve.
While I do not see Satan behind every rock, I do think that this is an area where he is mightily at work. He does not want you to be free and wants you to be in bondage. He knows that within your bondage you will be more prone to seek his ways, which only leads to deeper cycles of not realizing fulfillment.
Seek out a Christian counselor. Ask your Pastor or friends to recommend one to you.